I hate the holidays. I’ve often said I wish I could hibernate from the day before Thanksgiving to the day after Christmas. Call me a scrooge, grinch, killjoy, spoil sport, party pooper, wet blanket… call me anything (except fat or ugly), I don’t give a crap. When I was a kid, we had fabulous Christmases—I mean, incredible. We got everything we could have wanted, and yes, I loved it. But as an adult, I look at the holiday differently.
Call me crazy (yeah, that would fit), but I think Christmas should be for um… Christians, and, well, I’m not a Christian. I’m sure Jesus was lovely, but since I don’t go to church to worship him, I think I should be off the hook when it comes to Christmas stuff. Yes, when my children were little we showered them with presents and we decorated the house and had a Christmas tree, but quite honestly, I couldn’t wait to take the damn thing to the curb, vacuum up the pine needles, and put the living room back the way it was.
And yes, to this day I give people Christmas presents, but I can’t say I always feel good about it. It’s not that I don’t like giving presents; I’d much rather give unexpected, spontaneous gifts. For example, back in August my son, Christopher, was in a wedding in California and I sent him a couple of hundred dollars for his trip. It brought me joy to surprise him like that! Last week a friend of mine came over with some really nice Yankee candles. They weren’t a Christmas present; he just knows I like candles. Awesome! But at Christmas, I have to schlep all over creation to find presents for a holiday I have no business celebrating anyway. (I should say I also hate shopping.)
I know; I’m so bah humbug. Sometimes people will ask me, what about the whole “Christmas spirit” thing? You know… “Peace on earth, good will to men.” Can’t I get into that? I respond similarly to what I wrote in my Thanksgiving blog last month: shouldn’t those sentiments be expressed all year round? Yeah, why can’t people be kind-spirited all freakin’ year?
Now after all this bellyaching, you may be surprised to hear that I recently saw a Christmas decoration that I actually like. My sister Lori found this little gem in Rite-Aid among all the Santas and angels.
In case you can’t tell from the photo, it’s a little statue type of thing of a mother, father, baby, and dog. And look--the baby’s leg is in the dog’s mouth! Not only that, the father and mother are pulling the baby away from the dog. By the hair.
Lori and I were practically peeing our pants over this. And the best part is, it's not really a Christmas decoration. They're all standing in a mound of snow, but there's nothing Christmasy per se about it. It's a winter decoration. If I were Lori, I'd keep that baby out from Thanksgiving till St. Patrick's Day.