Thursday, January 8, 2009

Aging Nymphs' (psychic?) predictions for 2009

My sister Lori and I have a bit of a vanity project going, our Aging Nymphs Internet radio program. We chat every Wednesday night at 8 p.m. Pacific time about a variety of topics that we hope are of general interest so the show doesn't become your typical sister yenta-fest (with pseudo-yentas because we're not even Jewish).

The topic for last night's broadcast was "Psychics' (and our) Predictions for 2009." We read off some predictions from professional psychics Sylvia Browne and Michael Cohen and then gave our own. Let me make it clear that we weren't trying to pass ourselves off as psychics, although we did get a caller who asked for psychic counseling and I was more than happy to oblige. (And I was even somewhat accurate--ha!)

Anyway, just for yuks I thought I'd post our predictions here. (Lori and I did not confer before the show.) It will be fun to see if any of them come true over the course of the year.

Lori's predictions:

1. Pluto will once again become a planet.

2. Jack Klugman will remain healthy. (Note: I didn't think he was still alive, but I guess Jack Klugman is the new Abe Vigoda.)

3. A famous person will come out of the closet--possibly Condoleeza Rice, maybe Oprah (to be like Ellen, not Rosie).

4. Fidel Castro will die in a boating accident on his way to Miami.

5. A law passes mandating death row prisoners to donate their bodies to science.

6. Oprah will become the next Jenny Craig spokeswoman.

7. This will be a great year for Will Smith.

8. Something spectacular will happen in the music world, like another Woodstock-type concert or maybe a No Nukes reunion!! (OMG, can you imagine?)

9. Letterman's ratings will go way up. Conan will be no competition for him.

Hmmm... Okay, here are mine. I know you'll appreciate the high degree of specificity, and if any of these come true, I can tell you right now I'm going to wear my tiara every goddamn day for the rest of my life.

1. By the end of September, the Dow will have had 10 consecutive days above 10,000, but will lose more than 30 percent of its value during October.

2. Ted Kennedy will die within 5 days of May 29, JFK’s birthday.

3. So will Loretta Lynn.

4. Regis Philbin will have health problems in mid-July and will be replaced indefinitely on the Live program.

5. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer will break up for good at the end of February (he'll stick around for her 40th birthday on February 11) and she will not be seriously associated with another man for the remainder of the year.

6. Clint Eastwood will edge out Philip Seymour Hoffman for Best Actor and he’ll be present at the Oscars to accept.

7. Dolly Parton will finally come out of the closet in April. (Isn't this amazing that Lori and I separately predicted a female celebrity to come out?!)

I'm telling you, you had better pray that none of my predictions come true. I'm already so full of myself--trust me, you won't be able to stand me.

What fun!


travel girl said...

I hope you are right about the DOW having 10 consecutive days above 10,000 and wrong about the 30% loss in October. I already have to work until I'm 70.

But, I think I'm still hot enough to work the day shift at a strip club;)

Hurricane Mikey said...

How about Jennifer Anniston coming out of the closet??!?!??


Vegas Linda Lou said...

Ha! If Jen comes out of the closet, I'll be waiting for her in a little number from Victoria's Secret. Giggity, indeed!

Sounds like Gran Torino is not exactly Oscar-worthy for Clint, so I guess I'm off on that one. Ted Kennedy and Loretta Lynn can relax. Regis, too.

Krissyface said...

Jennifer Aniston is turning forty? Awesome. May I have abs like that at that age.

I never had abs like that at any age.

I hope you're right about Dolly, though.

Tasha said...

Dolly is gay? WHo knew! I actually met Sylvia Brown last year. I went to one of her speakings and was picked to go up and ask her a question. It was a fun night.

Good predictions! I agree with most of them!