Thursday, May 14, 2009

I guess I have to kick Mom’s ass

Remember how I told you about my trip to Boise last weekend, you know, for Mother’s Day? Well, on Tuesday morning, I got an anonymous comment. Now, normally I delete anonymous comments after reading just the first line because they’re usually from my crazy blog stalkers who have nothing better to do than pore over and lambaste every goddamn word I’ve ever posted, but I did read this one in its entirety:

So, a complete rundown on your trip to Boise? I think not. There is no mention of playing Scrabble with the old, demented seniors who live there. A little memory lapse, maybe, or just a bad dream? Hmmm...
Man, I was pissed! I moderate comments now and I rejected that thing in a nanosecond. I know I’ve talked about playing Scrabble in Boise before, and people can say whatever they want about me being all full of myself and who needs to see my sagging granny cleavage—I don’t give a shit—but to call my sweet Mick Jagger-lovin’ Mom and microbrew drinkin’ Stepdaddy “old demented seniors”?

I’ll kick your ass! But seriously, what kind of sick f*cking dickhead would say such a thing?

Oh. That sick f*cking dickhead was… my sweet Mick Jagger-lovin’ Mom.

Yeah, she's the one who posted that comment. Yeah, that was her way of reminding me that Saturday night… I lost at Scrabble.

I know! I never lose, but this time I came in third place! I had five i’s at one point—give me a break, for Christsake! But then when they were driving me to the airport Sunday afternoon, I got a brilliant idea.

Me: “Oh, my God! I had the craziest dream last night.”
Mom: “Really?”
Me: “Yeah, I dreamt that we were all playing Scrabble and I lost. Can you imagine?” [nervous laugh]
Mom: “Oh, my! That sounds like a nightmare.”
Whew, I thought. I totally passed the horror of my losing off as a dream! No, she’ll never remember that I actually came in third place.

But I guess she did remember after all.

Okay, Mom—looks like you’re still sharp. I guess it’s not time for the home just yet.

5 comments:

Other Mikey's Julie said...

That is a riot - I think I love your mom.
You should liberate all of the i's from your mom's scrabble game and have them made into a bracelet for Mother's Day next year. Just to remind her that it will NOT happen again!

Julie said...

Aw, we love Mom. And screw the anonymous commenters. I love how those people don't have the balls to register their real names and profiles. Anyone can be a bully anonymously....why don't you grow a pair and come out of the closet and then let's see how brave you are?

Courtney Rice said...

Jesus, we like, all freakn' morphed and stuff....it went from Granny, to you, to me. (God Bless my daughter.... (when) I have one.) All that wackiness we possess! Good wackiness, of course. Totally, 100% genuine. I think my favorite story to tell, for a week or two now, has been the one of Granny's card, you know, the good ol...“I’m so sorry to hear that Jeffrey has gone to a better place.” card. Shoot, that almost made me pee my pants. Then I was like, oh snap, that could have totally been me writing that card...I L-O-V-E our gene pool. xoxo.

Lori Biker said...

I am in the gene pool too,,,I am afraid, very afraid.
I don't think I ever won at Scrabble, you Court? The genes are all screwy!

Lilly said...

I love Scrabble but I suck at it. Great that your Mom left you a comment. Anonymous commenters, well they all deserve to be deleted without reading. A**holes.