Yet another post that’s nothing to be proud of. This is kind of embarrassing, though not as embarrassing as when I walked out of the bathroom and halfway down the hall when I worked at GE with the back of my dress tucked into my underwear.
Here’s my list of 10 things that bore the hell out of me but I have to do them, like it or not:
1. Pumping gas. Boring as hell. There’s nothing to do but stand there like an idiot, right? I get 41 miles to the gallon with my little Saturn, but I’d love my car even more if it had a 200-gallon gas tank.
2. Flossing. I have a pretty good track record when it comes to flossing, but again, it is boring as hell. When I complained to my dental hygienist, she told me to floss while watching TV. I was like, “Excuse me? Do you give that advice to all your patients?” Because I don’t want to go to somebody’s house and wonder if the coffee table I just set my beer down on had a disgusting string of tooth garbage on it minutes before I got there. Pull-eeze.
3. Putting a new roll of toilet paper on the holder. I don’t know why this bores me, and it doesn’t even take much time to do, but I know for a fact that I’m not alone on this because people at work will just set the new roll on top of the cardboard toilet paper skeleton instead of putting it on the holder. Or worse, they'll set it on the floor. Eew-uh! I live by myself and I still put the new roll on the holder. Just because, you know?
4. Waiting for the microwave. Really, how lazy can I get? The microwave is a freakin’ miracle appliance, but without fail I open the door with just 8 seconds to go because suddenly those are the longest 8 seconds of my life and I can’t wait. I just can’t wait.
5. Emptying the dishwasher. Yeah, it’s not like I have to slave over a steaming hot sink in Playtex Living Gloves or anything. Just how hard is it to put the beer glasses and ice cream bowls and cereal bowls away in the cupboard? I'm pathetic.
6. Dying my hair. I find this terribly boring, even though it takes like 5 minutes and then I can go back to watching Family Guy reruns on the couch while I wait for the color to sink into each hair shaft. But talk about a necessity. If I ever go in a coma for more than 3 weeks, I can guarantee you my sister Lori will be there slathering Golden Chestnut 4G all over my head or there will be hell. to. pay. when I wake up.
7. Waiting at the photocopier. Friggin' boring. Maybe it’s because I miss the purple smell of mimeograph (anything for a buzz).
8. Taking laundry out of the dryer. Yeah, life could be much worse--I could be hanging clothes out on the line for all my neighbors to see, or scrubbing them on a washboard down at the creek. But when I hear the dryer stop, I’m like, “Shit. Now I gotta get up and put those damn clothes away,” even though they’re nice and warm and April fresh. Okay, truth be told, if it’s a hot wash with just sheets, towels and underwear, I’ll let it sit in the dryer till I’m damn good and ready to fetch it. Which could be days. But I do have to tend to my collection of Ross Dress-for-Less tops and jeans right away or they’ll need ironing. Which leads me to #9.
9. Ironing. Yes, I know in the olden days my mother used to have to iron sheets and pillowcases and my father’s handkerchiefs, but at least she could do that while watching Guiding Light. Usually when I have to iron it’s because it’s 6:15 a.m. and I have to wear something to work and there’s nothing else clean so I’m in my emergency wrinkled stash. Oh, to stay home and watch soaps all day. Oh, Guiding Light--R.I.P.
10. The whole beautification process. What’s 40 minutes times every goddamn day of my life? The same thing: shampoo, conditioner, razor, contacts, moisturizer, mousse, hairdryer, hairspray, eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, blush, lipstick, earrings, blah, blah, blah, blah, freakin’ blah. That, people, is why I love shower holidays.
So what bores you? DON’T SAY READING MY BLOG!