Tuesday, November 24, 2009

If someone could get away with murder, would you still be alive?

When I lived in Wyoming (2001 – 2002), I got to know a lot of people, but I deliberately didn’t make too many good friends. My ex had a one-year visiting professor gig and because our time there was limited, I didn’t want to start friendships only to have to move on. But I couldn’t resist one of my yoga students, Marguerite. She was so nice and so much fun! Last year for my birthday she made me fridge magnets out of bottle caps with Beverly d’Angelo’s picture on them--that’s how good a friend she is! They’re in my cube at work or I’d post a picture. I will some other time.

Anyway, Marguerite once said that everyone should be able to kill one person in the course of their lives with absolutely no ensuing consequences. That's right, you get a pass for one murder.

Wow. Imagine how nice people would be? You’d be afraid to piss someone off in case they haven’t killed anyone yet. Be careful with the road rage—you never know. Cheating spouses? Both parties would be crazy! And the woman who used to cut her fingernails in the cubicle next to me? I can’t say for sure she’d live to see her year-end performance appraisal.*

So here are a couple of questions:

Given this scenario, would there still be a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card in your wallet, or would that have been cashed in long ago? Who would you have used it on?

Is there anyone on your hit list right this minute?

Do you think someone might have offed you by now if they could get away with it?

* I'm kidding--I would probably save my One Free Murder ticket for a serial rapist/ax murderer chasing me. Or for someone who asks, "Are you gaining weight?" Or anyone who gives my book a bad review.

Hmmm….

14 comments:

R. Jacob said...

When younger, one would probably use it early on. As you get older, the get out of jail card would be savored for that special occasion, like extra chips for the final bet in a game of poker.

Krissyface said...

That's one to ponder, LL. I think I'd save it in case somebody ever hurt my kid. I can't imagine anybody pissing me off enough for me to want to kill them, but my daughter? I don't think I'd have any problem killing someone who really hurt her.

Josie said...

If those were the rules we live by, my boss, who is about 20 feet away from me, would be pushing up daisies. He spends half the day saying how amazing I am, and how he can't function without my input. And then he spends the other half of the day micromanaging me. "make sure you tell me when you leave for lunch" (so he can sneak a glance at his clock). Or I'll come in at 8:35am instead of 8:30am (BFD I work circles around everyone else unless I'm reading blogs) and he'll say next time you're late bring me a donut. AND (this is a biggie that has caused me to yell in the office) When I'd go to the ladies room, if I wasn't back in two minutes he'd ask the receptionise where I was, and he'd lurk in sight of the rest room. I dunno why - to see if I was coming directly back to my ball and chain - timing me - who knows. That stopped when I screamed at him "Alan you can't follow me to the bathroom!" He turned red and that stopped.....kinda. Ugh. Yeah I'd kill him in a second, and then sleep well that night. :)

Hurricane Mikey said...

I'd be the guy making millions for coming up with a market that puts buyers and sellers of that together. Somebody who doesn't feel the need to kill anyone, well then, they can sell theirs to somebody with a lot of enemies. And somebody that needs a lot of people killed, well, they can buy the rights. Kinda like indulgences back in the day.

I'm all about market-based solutions.

KriMonster said...

Well, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to use my one free ticket. Based on the break room conversation that you overheard, I'd be dead already!!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

I was thinking that, too, Krissyface. I would probably save my murder pass in case somebody messed with one of my kids or my grandson.

Mikey, you're quite the entrepreneur!

Josey, you poor thing. I don't know how you do it. Stalking your bathroom breaks? I, too, would have killed him.

Kri, you're right there. Maybe you'd better get her first.

Julie said...

I'd have been unable to save that pass in 2005 because I'd have used it on my cheating ass husband. Then, I'd have stolen yours to use on the whore he cheated with.

No, I'm not still angry, why do you ask? LOL

Tara said...

My pass would be used a long time ago and I'd be going to see Mikey for some more.... My kid's dads would have been the targets, but I'm sure one of them would have used theirs on me.

Currently there is nobody on my hit list. Ok, well maybe one person, but that's not even worth worrying about right now.

DebraLSchubert said...

This post is a blast! I shudder to think of all the lists I would have been on so far! I'm going to tweet this - this is a truly fun "topic"!!

slacker-chick said...

Well, if I hadn't been killed first, I'd use my pass on the person/s who thought that men wearing jeans hanging below their ass was a good idea...I mean come on!

Barbara said...

That's a tough one....my tendency would be to want to save it for a really good occasion, but what if I missed the opportunity to knock off someone and no one else every pissed me off that much again? I think it would do wonders for a lot of relationships.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

There's not too many people I'd like to see dead, including my ex except for one of my bosses at one of my previous places of employment. Her accusations and getting by with the lies that were told...I'd love to see her pushing up daisies.

Mike Dennis said...

I would wait till I was on my deathbed (if I made it to a deathbed), then send out the contract. That way, the target's family couldn't use their pass on me.

gayle said...

When I was younger if I had one I would have used it but now I am glad that I didn't...Now the only way I would use one would be if someone hurt my daughters, husband or grandson. I am pretty sure someone would have used it on me by now though.