Thursday, February 18, 2010

True confessions: Do you have an embarrassing crush?

I’m not talking the Denis Leary type who you know is a total a-hole, but nonetheless would bang silly given the chance. Or the royal party-boy Prince Harry who’s half your age but you soooo want to party with. No, I’m talking a really, super-shameful attraction to someone who would make your friends roll their eyes, lift their faces to the heavens and declare, “Sweet bearded Jesus, she’s hit a need low.”

Yep, it’s time for some true confessions. I can think of three wince-inducing crushes right off the top of my head and amazingly, I don’t even file Prince Harry in that category. Or Billy Bob Thornton. (Not as the Slingblade character. What kind of freak do you think I am?)

Okay, here goes.

1. Glen Lerner. Unless you live in Vegas, you wouldn’t know who he is. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually have a little crush on a lawyer who advertises on TV. Eeew-uh! Sometimes at work I have his jingle in my head: “Glen Lerner is the way to go. Call 877-1500.” Not good, huh?

It’s the dimples. Plus, he looks like a big old bear. And I detect a northeast accent—Boston, I think. Not as sexy as an English accent, or even a Brooklyn accent, but I’ll take it. (Yes, Brooklyn accents are very sexy.) "One call, that's all."

2. John McEnroe. Oh, please—he is cute as hell. I have a weakness for Irishmen, and though I’m not a fighter (I break up way before it gets to that point), I think we could really go at it.
“Fuck off!’
“No, you fuck off!”
“No, YOU fuck off!”
And then after a few rounds of that, we’d have incredible makeup sex.

3. The Geico gecko. Yeah, I know—it’s a freakin' lizard. Did I not say these are embarrassing crushes??? And worst part is, when I’m fast-forwarding the DVR during the commercials, I will actually stop to watch the Geico commercials. It’s the accent. Plus I just know he’d play hard to get, which would both infuriate me and turn me on at the same time.

God help me. Yet another post that’s nothing to be proud of.

Oh, come on! You have an embarrassing crush, I know it. Spill it!

16 comments:

Julie said...

We all know I have a crush on Russell from Survivor. I did a blog post about him a couple of months ago. Short little fireplug control freak jerk. He gives me chick wood. LOL

Danica said...

The president! HA I could use me some Obama! I also find John Goodman from Roseanne a little hot. :)

Josie said...

Embarrassing crushes: 1.) Rob Thomas from Matchbox Twenty - not classically handsome but one of the sexiest men around.

2.) James Gandolfini! Well you asked for embarrassing!!! Yes I know he isn't pretty - but he's sexy. I don't know if it's the powerful roles he plays but man, if he and I should meet, he'll never forget the name, Josie

Josie said...

Embarrassing crushes: 1.) Rob Thomas from Matchbox Twenty - not classically handsome but one of the sexiest men around.

2.) James Gandolfini! Well you asked for embarrassing!!! Yes I know he isn't pretty - but he's sexy. I don't know if it's the powerful roles he plays but man, if he and I should meet, he'll never forget the name, Josie

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Danica: I totally know what you mean about John Goodman--ha! "Warm in winter, shade in summer."

@ Josie: Ditto for James Gandolfini!

Kellee said...

Too funny about Glenn Lerner. He's everywhere TV and billboards. I hear he's really short.

One of my embarrassing crushes has already been mentioned, James Gandolfini. Larry David is another.

Lorna said...

I too like the Geico lizard, but I guess my most embarrassing crush is...yoda.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Kellee: What??? Glen Lerner's short? I pictured him as being a big guy. And I'm with you on Larry David, but we're too much alike and I'm sure we'd drive each other nuts.

@ Lorna: Yoda, huh? That's in the category of "There's always someone worse off than you." HA! You're so brave to admit to that!

Mike Dennis said...

The greatest woman of all time: Ayn Rand.

I would've done anything for her to tell me in her sexy Russian accent, "You disgust me!" or "Describe for me the epistemology of capitalism."

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

You're hysterical! Love this post!

Embarassing crushes? Hmmm.... Ed Macmahon? James Earl Jones?

Maybe I just like that announcer voice type!

The Housewife said...

“Sweet bearded Jesus, she’s hit a need low.”

OMG. I'm laughing. You are my one-liner female hero. I sooo wish I could see your stand up. I'm sure you wouldn't mind a little pee on the floor from me laughing so hard...

Glen Lerner....? Girl, you got it BAD if you're crushin on Glen Lerner. (only Vegas peeps will get him! lol) I'm always making fun of Ronnie Douche and her "chweny dollars!"

Ok, let's see....I'll have to get back to you on my hideous crushes. I know I have them and I might even steal this idea for my blog. You'll get full props, of course. :P

Cameron said...

you know...you are onto something w/ Johnny Mac!!!!
am now following, and facebook fan,
cheers,
Cameron

Donna B said...

Embarrassing, how? Everything is relative on who they find sexy...but mine are Sean Connery, Tom Selleck, Ricky Martin, and remember Steve Reeves from Hercules? I had it BIG for him when I was a pre-teen. I LOVE (LOL) Julie's term, "chick-wood" hahaha...LOVE IT!!

Debbie said...

OMG Linda I'm LMAO! First of all, I have a crush on Denis Leary too. To me he seems like a real bastard but he'd probably awesome in bed. I'd do him in a heartbeat. I'd also love to get my hands on Prince, OMG he totally turns me on. And of course my boyfriend Viggo - but that's a serious crush and in no way would I put him in the "embarrassing" category. There are so many ... Edward Norton, Jude Law, Jimmy Smits of L.A. law way back in the day - I used to be madly in love with him too.

Barbara aka Layla said...

I totally have a crush on the Geico lizard! I never would have had the guts to admit it, but since you have I confess.

I also have a crush on Adam Lambert - so what if he's gay and young enough to be my son and does nasty things on stage? He's hot and guyliner turns me on.

Lastly I do have a crush on a real life guy who is less than half my age and he has a crush on me too and we have a very nice time crushing on each other.

SortOfAnonymous said...

I'd say Margaret Thatcher (in her prime.. no pun)... but you said only embarrassing crushes.. so, she wouldn't count, would she? I mean, who didn't have a crush on her then? Especially teens...