So I think we’re all in agreement that Jerry Seinfeld’s new project, The Marriage Ref, is simply terrible. But hold on… let’s reconsider the idea. Maybe there's something to salvage.
Picture this. After extensive interviewing and upon mutual agreement (that’s key), a couple hires a person to be their marriage ref. Every time the couple has some sort of marital problem that they can’t work out for themselves--and as soon as they realize they’re at an impasse--they call their ref. Each spouse has a specified timeframe, let’s say no more than two minutes, to present their case. After hearing each side, the ref rules for either the husband or wife and that’s the freakin’ end of story. Each side has to accept the ref’s ruling.
No backtalk, no arguing. Live with it. Move on.
Think of how much time would be saved—no more playing out the same goddamn arguments over and over and over. You want to bring this up again? You really want to call the ref for this AGAIN? Think of the kids that would be spared having to listen to their parents’ constant bickering or worse, screaming at the top of their foolish lungs.
And think of all the marriage counselors that would be put out of business. Really, why would anyone bother sitting through hours of hours of expensive therapy with some bespectacled, diploma-ed idiot spouting shit like, “So you never felt you earned your mother’s approval” when they could be having incredible make-up sex within five minutes of pressing their ref’s number on speed dial?
I swear, people, I’m on to something.