Tuesday, April 3, 2012

OMG, I dance like Elaine Bennis!

Wow.  No comments on my last post?  Not one???  What, are you afraid Iron Mike will come knocking on your door in retaliation?  Are you big fans and I crossed the line?  Are you pigeon lovers?  Huh?  Huh? 

Okay, on to today's post...

On Monday nights, I take two back-to-back dance classes.  The first one is Dance Fusion, which is kind of jazzy and snappy; the second is Showgirl 101, which is slower and sexier.  Last night as I was watching myself in the mirror that takes up the whole wall of the studio, I came to this realization:  I AM A SHITTY DANCER!

Actually, my first realization was that I still have this freakin' middle aged spread, even though yesterday morning I was down to 136.4.  So yeah, the spread pisses me off.  But my dancing... now that's just horrible.  I swear to God, I dance like I'm the whitest person on earth.    

That's shocking to me.  When I'm out dancing to classic rock bands--because I'm that old--I think I dance pretty well.  Like I'm cool and sexy and totally groovin'.  One time I was out dancing with girlfriends and a guy came up to me afterward and simply said, "Thank you, ma'am" because he enjoyed my dancing so much.  But in these dance classes, I look freakin' ridiculous.

Seriously, there is nothing more pathetic than watching yourself try to dance sexily.  And I'M A TOTALLY SEXY PERSON!  People who know me in real life always comment on my sexy walk, but when I see myself in the mirror at the studio, I'm stiff and spastic and... wait a second... sober.

Yep, that's it.  I'm not that bad in my ballet class because 1) in ballet, your body is very "held," and 2) I've had a lot of ballet training over the years so I'm comfortable with the positioning.  But I've come to realize that in these other classes, which require you to be more loosened up, I'm like suckapolooza.

No wonder why my favorite beer is my third.

4 comments:

Mimi said...

Linda, you're not that bad, it's probably the mirror!
I took a belly dancing class once, in a studio with mirrors, now that was a sight I never want to see again!
You have (at least) 1 comment on the last post. Sorry I missed it, had a busy week, will try not to slip up again, ha ha.

Julie said...

I used to be able to rock the dance floor.

Now I look like I'm seizing.

It's scary how uncoordinated we get after 50.

Speaking of 50, I think we're coming to Vegas between Xmas and New Year's this year to celebrate Michael turning 50. Just a head's up.

Debbie said...

OK. Let me first say that I actually did leave a comment then I withdrew because I was afraid I would be considered a hater and worse. Having grown up in The Hood out here in L.A. raising pidgeons is a hobby for hood rats. I have no idea why, but half the gang-bangers I knew all had pidgeon coops and their pidgeons would fly all around the neighborhood doing rolls and crap. I didn't want to sound like a racist because I am, after all, Hispanic, but trust me. I make a valid point. And yes, maybe people are afraid to comment because Mike Tyson is some serious kind of crazy.
SMOOCHES!
XOXO
Deb

Taradharma said...

I hate it, too, when I post something and it gets left hanging in the wind. C'mon people, just ONE BLEEDIN' comment, please! So, I left one on your post about Mike.

Coping with one's aging body is a real challenge. I applaud you for taking dance lessons. And I am SURE you don't dance as badly as Elaine. She was a real dork on the dance floor, wasn't she?! Funny as hell though. Hey, maybe you could incorporate your dance into your stand-up routine?