Wow. No comments on my last post? Not one??? What, are you afraid Iron Mike will come knocking on your door in retaliation? Are you big fans and I crossed the line? Are you pigeon lovers? Huh? Huh?
Okay, on to today's post...
On Monday nights, I take two back-to-back dance classes. The first one is Dance Fusion, which is kind of jazzy and snappy; the second is Showgirl 101, which is slower and sexier. Last night as I was watching myself in the mirror that takes up the whole wall of the studio, I came to this realization: I AM A SHITTY DANCER!
Actually, my first realization was that I still have this freakin' middle aged spread, even though yesterday morning I was down to 136.4. So yeah, the spread pisses me off. But my dancing... now that's just horrible. I swear to God, I dance like I'm the whitest person on earth.
That's shocking to me. When I'm out dancing to classic rock bands--because I'm that old--I think I dance pretty well. Like I'm cool and sexy and totally groovin'. One time I was out dancing with girlfriends and a guy came up to me afterward and simply said, "Thank you, ma'am" because he enjoyed my dancing so much. But in these dance classes, I look freakin' ridiculous.
Seriously, there is nothing more pathetic than watching yourself try to dance sexily. And I'M A TOTALLY SEXY PERSON! People who know me in real life always comment on my sexy walk, but when I see myself in the mirror at the studio, I'm stiff and spastic and... wait a second... sober.
Yep, that's it. I'm not that bad in my ballet class because 1) in ballet, your body is very "held," and 2) I've had a lot of ballet training over the years so I'm comfortable with the positioning. But I've come to realize that in these other classes, which require you to be more loosened up, I'm like suckapolooza.
No wonder why my favorite beer is my third.