Monday, October 29, 2012

Linda Lou's 10 Rules for Life at Any Age

I've been meaning to blog about this for a while--actress Ellen Barkin's 10 Rules for Life After 50, which originally appeared in O Magazine.


First of all, what the hell is she wearing?  I wouldn't be caught dead in that. Nineteen eighty-three called--they want their shoulder pads and big, ugly bows back.

Besides that, I absolutely cannot stand stupid-ass lists of rules like this.  Don't wear your hair longer than your collarbone?  That might be a good rule for men over 50, but does anyone think Susan Sarandon, Goldie Hawn, or Marlo Thomas would look better in short hair?

Surprisingly, I routinely break only four of these (3, 4, 7, and 8) and disagree with, but don't violate,  1, 5, 9, and 10.  That means I'm with her on 2 and 6, and only if the body is truly toned.

Which ones to you agree with?  Which ones do you violate yourself?

Yep, rules like that are stupid.  Unless, of course, they're mine.

Linda Lou's 10 Rules for Life At Any Age
(for women and men)

1.  The most important thing you should wear--and every single day--is a smile.  Like the song says, "You're never fully dressed without a smile."

2.  Stand up straight.  You'll immediately look younger and thinner, and you'll exude confidence and a sense of authority.

3.  Get yourself a sexy walk.  People will enjoy seeing you coming... and going.

4.  Make it a point to talk to strangers. Bonus points for every person you talk to who's over 70 or under 7.

5.  Buy some fun underwear. It's hard to take yourself too seriously when you know you have Sponge Bob on your ass. 

6.  Wear whatever the hell makes you feel good, but if you must wear your pants halfway down your thighs, remember the rule:  "The lower the pants, the lower the income."

7.  Think twice before doing anything that will permanently alter your body, whether it's cosmetic surgery or tattoos.

8.  If you insist on mutilating yourself with those giant holes in your earlobes, I beg of you, DO NOT work in a place that serves food.

9.  Speak proper English. Not because this is America--because you seem uneducated if you don't.

10.  Hmm...  I'll leave this one for you.  What do you have to add?

7 comments:

Mimi said...

Ok, I wear the smile, cos I reckon you feel more happy and less stressed if you just smile. And you look better. Have recently cottoned onto the stand up straight thingy.
Sexy walk...I will work on that today, ok?
Rule 10 for me is don't overdo the tan, either natural or fake..it's ageing.
But most of all, I think you look and feel good if you're interested in people and life.
And I detest lists of rules that tell you what to, and not to, wear.

Julie said...

10. Only have sex doggy style. It hides the saggy face and boobs and bending over pulls the cellulite out of your ass.

(You had to know mine would be something like this!)

grrouchie serge said...

I just fell in love with Julie....


Erm... I mean....

#10 - Just f'n enjoy life. It's too short to waste not having fun and being happy

Patricia Countryman said...

Rule #10: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT EVER color your hair black!! It will show every little wrinkle you might have and your grey roots will show in a heartbeat. This is coming from a hairstylist.

Taradharma said...

I wholeheartedly agree with (though don't always follow) number 4: COVER UP. My crepey skin is not for public viewing. My figure is svelt, so if I just wear the long sleeves and cover the thighs, I look pretty damned good.

Granted, we are all different, and you should do whatever the hell you want to do. I just personally cringe when I see older women dressed like 25 year old hookers. It's not a good look.

Carmel said...

This is my personal version of hakuna matata, "you're not curing cancer." Basically it means chill. Take things one at a time. Don't stress , its all okay you're not curing cancer. Now if your job is to cancer then more power to you.

dflower said...

Don't where hats ??? Are women over 50 not meant to want to be noticed then? Ellen you silly bitch, surely parading around in an front-bottom munching, period coloured sateen onesie is aaaall about gettin' noticed?!