Happy Monday!

For your viewing and listening enjoyment.  I LOVE this video because it reminds me of the parties we used to have when my kids were young, and now here's the next generations.  Those of you who came of age in the 70s might see this as a blast from your past, too.

My daughter ,Courtney, who sings this song, is the one making the goofy faces.  My son, Chris, is the guy with the beard and glasses dancing with Connor.  



"This World of Mine" written by Courtney Blackwell Rice.  Performed by The Blackwell Sinners.  I'm so proud of them!

Greetings from Sedona!

I really, really try to maintain a regular Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday posting schedule, and today I'm getting in just under the wire.  I'm writing from Sedona, Arizona, right now and man, we had a spectacular day.  Here are a couple of pics from the area around Bell Rock, which is probably the most gorgeous scenery I've ever experienced.

 
I know--I wear my favorite Rock 'n' Bowl New Orleans baseball cap in every friggin' ourdoor picture, right?  That's because a) usually I don't take a shower before I go hiking and I have to hide my Medusa morning hair, and b) I had skin cancer on my face a few years ago and I try to shade my nose from the sun.

How about this handsome devil?  Whaddya know--I got him away from Black Ops!

You can tell we've climbed quite a ways up.  I'm a real baby when it comes to taking risks, but I think I whined only once.

Beautiful, beautiful!

I cannot freakin' believe that Mike's lived in Las Vegas for like forty some years and this was his first trip to Sedona.  It was almost exactly a four-hour drive from Green Valley to our motel near the Sedona airport, and that was at night.  Not far at all.  If you live in Vegas or are visiting for more than a few days, I highly recommend a side trip here.  I'll give you details on where to stay on Tuesday, but right now, I'll go back to enjoying this little getaway.

Hope you're all having a great weekend, too!

Are you freezing your ass off?

Not to brag, especially to those of you in frigid climates, but we've been having some spectacular weather here in Las Vegas and the 10-day forecast is bright sunshine and temperatures in the 60s everyday.  I'll take it.  Earlier this week my grandson (Jesus H, I still stop in my tracks when I write "my grandson") posted on my Facebook wall that it was 11 below zero that morning when he waited for the school bus. 

I can't stand (well, just about everything, but this time I'm thinking of) cold weather.  It's such a goddamn struggle.  So. do. not. miss. that. shit. 

Brrr.... I'm thinking of you all in those cold climates.  For some reason I seem to have a LOT of readers in the Minneapolis-St.Paul area.  I was shocked the other day when I saw on my blog stats that I have a larger percentage of readers from Minnesota than Nevada.  I feel for my Canadian readers, too, up there in friggin' Regina, Saskatchewan, and Sarnia, Ontario, and Edmonton, Alberta.  Thank you for reading.  Thank you ALL--wherever you are--for checking in here.  I mean it.

Anyway, here are a couple of pics from last weekend out at Red Rock Canyon, a beautiful area on the west side of town that's less than a half-hour from the Strip.  Seriously, if you've been coming to Las Vegas for a while and have never left the Strip, rent a car and take a ride out there.  It's a whole different world.

This weekend I'm heading to someplace even more beautiful. Yep, another road trip.  You know me, I've got that old traveling fever.

But don't get me wrong--winter scenes are certainly beautiful, too.  Just take a look at these two.



Hazel: still the most serious baby ever.

Stay warm!

My big reality show audition

Yesterday I had a post up announcing my 5:30 audition for America’s Got Talent. Then I read the confidentiality clause in the audition contract and got spooked, so I pull the post. But after reading through the AGT website, I’m sure there’s nothing here that wouldn’t be considered public knowledge, so here goes—an account of my big adventure auditioning for a reality show.

Getting an audition spot was simple enough. A couple of weeks ago, the guy who runs the Bonkerz comedy club here in Las Vegas sent an email with a flyer announcing the audition opportunity to all the comics on his mailing list. All I had to do was send an email to the address on the flyer expressing my interest.

I got a response almost immediately saying they’d contact me in a few days. Then last Thursday—literally 5 minutes after I got an email saying my essay was going to be aired on Northeast Public Radio—I got a call from an AGT producer in Los Angeles asking if I could come in at 5:30 on Monday. A double shot of good news!

They send me a contract and a pretty extensive questionnaire which asked things like what obstacles have you faced (hello, stagefright), what was your most life-changing event (moving to Las Vegas by myself after my second divorce) and what would you do with your winnings (make sure my mother is comfortable for the rest of her life). That kind of stuff; stuff that actually required thought.

So yesterday I collected all my paperwork, picked out a cute little outfit (black miniskirt and purple V-neck top—slightly age inappropriate, as always, but perfectly balancing sexy and professional) and strutted myself to Palace Station casino. I arrived early, of course, and checked in upstairs in one of the meeting rooms. I actually stood in the wrong line for a while, but a kind Michael Jackson impersonator who was also auditioning got me on course. It wasn’t a madhouse or anything, and if it hadn’t been for the 20-member girls’ gymnastics team, the scene would actually have been quite subdued. After checking in, I took a seat with a couple of comics I recognized. Their appointments were an hour before mine, and they said it had been a lot busier before I arrived. One by one, people were whisked away for their time to perform.

As it turned out, I was the third from last person to audition, so things were quiet at the end. After waiting about two hours, I followed a nice guy down to the Louie Anderson showroom and waited outside until it was my turn. Then they called me in. The stage was lit, but the room was dark and empty except the handful of people sitting in a booth in the back. I know this stage well—I just did an open mic on it Sunday night—so that was probably an advantage.

The guy explained that they needed to get “clean audio” and so I shouldn’t worry when I don’t hear any laughter. “I know that’s hard for comics,” he said, “but just work through it.” No problem.

I had 90 seconds to wow them, which was good because I have only about 90 seconds of clean material. I pulled all my snappiest punch lines into one cohesive mini-set and delivered it flawlessly. Really, I had not one iota of anxiety. I was pleased with my performance, and I actually did hear laughter during my set. Afterward the guy thanked me and said, “That was really funny.” I was in and out in less than three minutes.

Performers who are selected for another round will be notified in April, though believe me, the odds of hearing from them are astronomical. The only thing that would give me a slight advantage is that I’m female and I’m older. At any rate, auditioning was a great experience. The process was well executed and took but a few hours of my time.

Tonight I’m back on stage in the lounge at Aliante Station. This stage is very well run, so I can highly recommend it to you. The show is free and starts at 8:30. Hope to see you there!

Yay, me! And the brilliance of Ricky Gervais

I've had a bunch of good things coming my way lately. 

Remember last August when I recorded a few essays for WAMC Northeast Public Radio in Albany?  Well, one of them finally aired yesterday.  You can listen to it here.  I sound kind of serious; I think I was trying so hard to neutralize my Awwl-benny accent. Next time I'll try to read in a more natural speaking voice.  I love the fact that the producers ended it with a song from The Simpsons.  "Baby on Board" by The Be Sharps is from my favorite episode, the one where Barney meets David Crosby in the bathroom at Moe's.

Barney:  "David Crosby?  You're my hero!"
David Crosby:  "Oh, you like my music?"
Barney:  "You're a musician?"

Ha!  Then last night I had my best set ever at Tommy Rocker's--yay!  I'm doing a lot more comedy lately and (dare I say), I'm actually starting to enjoy it.  Which is kind of the point when you do something for a hobby.  I even sold a couple of books last night, too. Yay, me!

So... did you see my favorite comic genius Ricky Gervais hosting the Golden Globes?  I thought he was, as he would say, brilliant.  I've been a huge--and I mean huge--fan of his since 2002 or 2003, whenever The Office first aired on BBC America.  Mike and I just watched the two seasons and the Christmas special; he'd never seen it before and was blown away.  Get out the Depends; you're gonna pee your freakin' pants when you watch this clip of Gervais as David Brent trying to out-dance his nemesis.



After we blew through The Office series (and the Christmas special), we dug into Extras, the HBO series that also features Gervais' creative partner, Stephen Merchant, who's a friggin' scene stealer.  If you haven't seen these shows yet, I don't know what the hell you're waiting for.  But I'll warn you, both are kind of hard to understand if your ear isn't trained for the British accent.  Oooh, that accent... Yes, I'm that shallow.  That's not a newsflash.

Anyway, my man Ricky raised quite a ruckus last Sunday night during his Globes hosting gig, as reported in this piece entitled, "Will Ricky Gervais Ever Eat Lunch in this Town Again?"  Evidently he "pricked a few egos" and "probably burned a few bridges."  Pull-eeeze. Tell me if you don't think this short clip is friggin' hilarious.



Gervais was the guest on CNN's Piers Morgan Thursday night, and not to do damage control.  Quite the opposite--he told Morgan he's not remotely remorseful and when it comes to comedy, he insists on being true to himself.  He's not looking to offend people; his goal is to be funny, and on his terms.  He said if he has to water down material for mass appeal, then it's not his joke.

Here's a clip of his appearance on CNN.  My respect for Ricky Gervais only grows.



I love those fearless comics like Gervais, Larry David and Louie CK (what a ballsy mother he is). I appreciate Mr. Nice-Nice Jay Leno, but give me the hit-and-miss Sarah Silverman anytime.  And I know I've said this before about offending people:  being offended is a choice.  One chooses to take offense.

In the very early days of this blog, I posted this piece (which I thought was pretty funny) that prompted this comment from a mother of a child with Tourette's.

I have a son with Tourette's Syndrome and he is always devastated by ignorant comments like yours.  If you can't find anything else to joke about, then it's time to hang it up sister.

My knee-jerk reaction was to feel a little bad, but then I was like, get the fuck out of here.  Does she really think I spend my spare time taunting children with disabilities?  Or maybe she mistook my blog for a support forum.  Of course, it would suck to have Tourette's, but if you Google "Tourette's humor," you'll see I'm not exactly blazing the trail.

Humor often crosses the line; it's all a matter of personal style.  They wouldn't have asked Ricky Gervais to host the Golden Globes if they expected Jay Leno.  Everyone in the audience that night got to where they are after facing tons of rejection, so they're not even the ones who were offended by his banter. But whoever made such a big deal of his performance actually did him a big favor by making Ricky Gervais a household word.  As it should be.

Thursday night on CNN, Gervais said something like, "The people who were offended by me at the Golden Globes definitely shouldn't come see my stand-up."  I feel the same way about my blog; if I offend you here, for God's sake, don't buy my book.

This week in the life of Vegas Linda Lou

This is a busy week... Monday night was a Henderson Writers' Group meeting and then Tuesday night I did a set on a new comedy stage in the lounge up at Aliante Station, way the hell up in North Las Vegas.  Like before you get there, you wonder if you're still in Nevada.  I'd never been there before; it's the newest Station Casino and it's very nice.  I hear the rooms are spectacular, and because of the location, they're quite inexpensive.  There's not much up there, though, but for anyone attending NASCAR in March, Aliante Station would be an excellent place to stay since it's close to the Las Vegas Speedway.

Anyway, it was nice to perform on a stage that was well run--kudos to John Barnes--but man, I didn't go up until almost 11:00, which is late when you have to work at 6 a.m., even when you're working from home.  I was happy to run into a comic I met back in the old days at Boomers (you'll recognize the reference if you read my book and if not, shame on you :) and was even happier that I am losing the stage fright problem a little more every time I perform.  Thank God, because if you're going to have a hobby, you really should enjoy it, right?  I'm doing another set on Friday night at 8:00 at Tommy Rocker's, a stage I haven't been on in probably five years.  That stage is run by Cozy Stone, who you'd also know from Bastard Husband. 

Oh, and speaking of... remember last Thursday I vowed to get the damn thing on Kindle and as an e-book?  Yeah, well after a lot of swearing--I even went through my "special occasion" swear words--I think I'm going to have to hire someone to do the job.  If anyone knows how to reformat a manuscript from InDesign 4, I'd love to hear from you.

So anyway, last night I met up with a Facebook friend from Virginia whom I'd never seen in real life.  Angela read my book and loved it (duh) (enough already, Linda) and we started exchanging sarcastic little witticisms as one does on Facebook.  When she said she was coming to town for a conference, we just had to meet up. 

We'd planned on meeting at Nine Fine Irishmen in NYNY, but when I got there, the place was closed for a private event.  I hate to admit I was kind of an a-hole to the guy at the door, rolling my eyes and all (a gesture which is becoming my trademark) (remember my appearance on Hannity?), but I'd been fantasizing about their little sausage rolls all friggin' day and I was pissed.  We ended up having a couple of drinks over at the MGM, where we got in some super high quality girl talk.  Ang is a pretty girl in her mid-30s and we got our flirty bartender going when we told him "we met online." Schwing!

For those of you in need of a Vegas fix, here's the view from the bridge over Las Vegas Boulevard connecting NYNY and the MGM.

I'm happy to report that it was quite busy in NYNY.  The last time I was there, I swear it looked like a scene from The Twilight Zone--eerily quiet.  The MGM was doing well, too.  Hell, there was even a  decent crowd way up at Aliante on Tuesday night.  Maybe things are picking up here.  I hope so.

So that's what's up with me.  What are you doing to stay out of trouble?

Those rat bastard credit card companies

I've posted before about those rat bastard credit card companies.  Fortunately, the (long overdue) Credit Card Reform Act of 2010 offers many new consumer protections like they can no longer hike interest rates on existing balances except under limited conditions such as when a promotional rate ends or if the cardholder makes a late payment. 

Credit card companies can still, however, slash credit limits abruptly even if you have a pristine payment history.  Unfortunately, this has an adverse effect on your credit score because a component of this figure is calculated from your ratio of credit used and available credit. So the bottom line is, no matter how diligent you are in your payments, those rat bastards will find a way to fuck you over.

Recently I received a letter from Wells Fargo that started something like, "It's never pleasant to have to communicate bad news to our valued customers..." and then they proceeded to tell me they've gone ahead and slashed by credit limit on a card I have with them.  A card I've never been a second late in paying because I value my credit score.  A card from an institution where I also have a personal checking account, personal savings account, business checking account, and business savings account.  And BTW, their little snail mail wasn't news to me since I'd already seen their wicked decision online. 

Having talked to these fuckers on the phone before (talking to someone in a branch is useless--they'll have you believe they have NOTHING to do with the credit division) (bullshit), I know I have no effective course of action.  So I did a little something to make myself feel better:  I took a red magic marker, wrote "FUCK YOU" on their correspondence to me, and sent it back to them. 

Whatever.  They can probably charge me with sending obscenities through the U.S. Postal Service, which I'll only turn into a media sensation--a cute little granny takes on the evil creditors and becomes a hero of the people.  Sigh... HDTV makes me nervous.

Seriously, I'm ranting here, but it's only a matter of time until somebody gets pissed enough and goes fucking postal about this.  Hmmm... maybe there is some redeeming value in Call of Duty Black Ops.  Millions of people are improving their aim.

Not serious.  I hate violence.  But...

It's that time of year again

Here's a timely repost that never gets old... 

I'm not a pain in the ass; I'm "highly sensitive"

As a girlfriend I pride myself as being low-maintenance, emotionally anyway. I don’t require a lot of attention (I have a shitload of stuff to do on my own) and I don’t need to be reassured of my attractiveness every other minute. If anything, I’m too low-maintenance; I’ve had boyfriends that figured, “Oh, she’s fine” and yeah, I may be fine, but that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook for buying me a birthday present. Please.

It’s more in the physical sense that I’m likely to test someone’s patience. A million little things in the course of a day drive me positively batty and usually it has to do with lighting (so important) and noise. While I can handle a screaming classic rock band in a biker bar no problem, I don’t like noisy restaurants. I’ll often sit in three different places before I find a table I find comfortable. A booth is usually a safe bet, unless it's directly under a fan blowing cold air or speakers playing music that's either too loud or not to my liking.

And speaking of music, I silently seethe--and I mean seethe--if I can hear someone’s i-Pod through their ear buds like at work or on an airplane. Yet go figure--I do my best writing in a crowded Starbucks. (The music in Starbucks is usually pretty good. Except at Christmastime, and don't get me going on that.)

There's no pleasing me, right? I thought I was just a pain in the ass until I found The Highly Sensitive Person website and took their self test. Take it! I scored 21 out of 25. (I have a high tolerance for pain and am pretty competitive.)  If you score a 14, you're highly sensitive.
 
I actually came across this site a couple of years ago, and it was one of those moments where you're like, Oh, I didn't know they had a name for that.  I felt relieved, in a way.  I'm still a pain in the ass, but calling it "highly sensitive" just makes it sound better. 

Okay, so keep that in mind while I tell you Part 2 of this post.

You know I've been living with my boyfriend, Mike, since the beginning of November, right?  I adore him and love him to no end; I look at him and see sheer perfection. (He's very hot.) But he and his son are into this Call of Duty Black Ops war game for X-box, and I'm not being overly dramatic when I say that fucking game could very well lead to the end of our relationship. I cannot stand violence. I won't watch violent movies or TV shows and all that shooting (even though I know it's only a game) makes me want to cry. 

The house we're in right now is only temporary (thank God) because the way it's set up, there's no place for me to go to escape.  And so I spend a lot of time at Starbuck's.  We'll be moving in a couple of months, but in the meantime, I am going out of my friggin' mind. 

And I think I'm driving Mike nuts, too, with all my bitching.  I can't take it, though.


How about you?  Are you "highly sensitive"? Do you live in a Black Ops house? How do you keep your sanity?

T-shirt for Casual Friday

Yep, that says it all.