So, a complete rundown on your trip to Boise? I think not. There is no mention of playing Scrabble with the old, demented seniors who live there. A little memory lapse, maybe, or just a bad dream? Hmmm...Man, I was pissed! I moderate comments now and I rejected that thing in a nanosecond. I know I’ve talked about playing Scrabble in Boise before, and people can say whatever they want about me being all full of myself and who needs to see my sagging granny cleavage—I don’t give a shit—but to call my sweet Mick Jagger-lovin’ Mom and microbrew drinkin’ Stepdaddy “old demented seniors”?
Oh. That sick f*cking dickhead was… my sweet Mick Jagger-lovin’ Mom.
Yeah, she's the one who posted that comment. Yeah, that was her way of reminding me that Saturday night… I lost at Scrabble.
I know! I never lose, but this time I came in third place! I had five i’s at one point—give me a break, for Christsake! But then when they were driving me to the airport Sunday afternoon, I got a brilliant idea.
Me: “Oh, my God! I had the craziest dream last night.”Whew, I thought. I totally passed the horror of my losing off as a dream! No, she’ll never remember that I actually came in third place.
Me: “Yeah, I dreamt that we were all playing Scrabble and I lost. Can you imagine?” [nervous laugh]
Mom: “Oh, my! That sounds like a nightmare.”
But I guess she did remember after all.
Okay, Mom—looks like you’re still sharp. I guess it’s not time for the home just yet.