Tuesday, September 22, 2009

St. Peter's roll call at the Emmy Awards

Okay, this is the crap that came to mind while I was half-watching the Emmy Awards Sunday night.

First, did you see Sarah McLachlan singing “I Will Remember You” during St. Peter’s roll call of all the celebs that died this past year? That song, which by the way, was played at my hospice volunteer training session years ago, is like the anthem for everything death and dying. It’s a cliché at this point, no? She’s also behind one of those sappy animal rights commercials on CNN that brings tears even to my eyes and I’m not an animal person by any stretch of the imagination. McLachlan’s a good songwriter, but yikes, is she a major bummer or what?

You know I love to give advice, so Sarah, let’s liven things up a bit, shall we? You’re getting typecast with all the “in the arms of an angel” stuff. You need a career booster, something peppy like “There’s a party in my pants, you’re invited.”

You know what’s weird? I read an article in Rolling Stone years ago in which McLachlan admitted she likes to burp and can burp really loud, and so every time she sings these sad, sappy songs I imagine her rattling the windows like Barney on The Simpsons after downing half a pizza and a Coke. Yeah, that’s how I will remember you.

The whole photo montage thing is kind of weird, like I always feel sorry for the people who get only the polite golfer’s clap, especially when their picture comes right before or after a megastar who everyone goes wild for. And there’s always someone who I didn’t even know was dead, or worse, I thought died years ago. Which reminds me, Abe Vigoda still is, in fact, still alive. But when his photo is finally up there, I imagine a room full of decked-out stars during to each other and going, “Really? Just this year?”

And I want to know just who comes up with the order of the dead folks displayed in the montage. They had to have a meeting about this, right? It’s like the person whose face is up there when the music runs out gets the award for Dead Person of the Year. This year the honor went to Walter Cronkite, but let me tell you, if I were on that committee, it would have been Farrah, Farrah, Farrah. And if I didn’t get my way, I’d scowl and swear and then clear all the crap off the conference table with one dramatic swoop of the arm. Just like I do in meetings at work when people don’t agree with me.

And on a much happier note, the season premier of Curb Your Enthusiasm didn’t disappoint. There’s nothing that makes me happier than sitting all by myself on my 15-year-old couch with stains from my kids’ beer parties laughing out loud like a freakin’ idiot. Long live Larry David!

13 comments:

ModernMom said...

I too am always amazed as they run through the list of people who have passed. There is ALWAYS at least one moment when I say HUH? I didn't know he had dies? I hope the family members of those celebs don't watch. Imagine if your loved one only got the golf clap...

AmyK said...

I'm with you on the "who votes" thing. All I know is I was glad to see Michael Jackson did not get the "Death of the Year" award at the end. He lived weird, died weird and was finally buried weird. I'm was a Farah fan, but my heartache was Patrick Swayze.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Yes, Patrick Swayze seemed like such a nice guy and you have to give him points for lasting so long with the original wife. I wouldn't have cleared the conference room table if he were the "final picture" nominee--I could live with that!

Danica said...

My saddness this year was Patrick Swayze too. I had the biggest crush on him after his role in Ghost. AAHHHH

But that song by Sarah - gag me, it's got to stop being played. When the roll the commercial with that song in the background to donate to support animals it kills me. I turn it every time.

Oh My Goddess said...

Is it just too un-American of me to admit that I am not an Emmy watcher?

Sara needs a new cause.

k a b l o o e y said...

Didn't happen to watch this year -- I'm an Oscar watcher. ButI did see Curb, which, yikes, hit new levels of discomfort with the whole Jeff and Bam Bam thing, not to mention the big C. Holy moly, I love that show, but I understand why people don't like it as well.

peewee said...

"Dead person of the year!" HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH!!! You have made my day!

Mike Dennis (Bunis) said...

Of course, Linda, we all must say that Michael Jackson was the most important person who ever lived, having only recently eclipsed Princess Di. We also know that he wasn't strange, since Al Sharpton said so. Therefore, he probably should've won the Death of the Year tiara. I know the year's not over yet, but no one who dies between now and Dec 31 could possibly be more important than Michael Jackson.

Having said that, I nonetheless would cast my Death of the Year vote for Janet Jagan, who died earlier this year at 88. She was a Jewish grandmother from Chicago who went on to become president of Guyana. She was one of 3 (that I know of) Americans who ultimately became heads of state of foreign countries.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ kablooey: Seriously? You think it might be in poor taste to try to break up with someone before they get a diagnosis of cancer? I didn't see Jeff and Bam Bam coming (poor choice of words), but he must have a death wish to risk the wrath of Susie. I, too, can see why some people don't like Curb. But it's the chosen ones who do.

@ Mike Dennis: You're so right about Michael Jackson, and the only ones who could possibly eclipse his death would be Rev. Al or Jesse Jackson, because as you know, they are the leaders of the entire black race.

Tom Bradley said...

Well, as far as her music goes, I don't have an opinion about Sarah McLachlan, although she does have a lovely voice. However she is pretty and as she is a redhead, if in fact she sang a song about parties in her pants, then I would hop to have an invitation. There. I said it.

Julie said...

Dead Person of the Year. Has no choice but to be a posthumous honor eh?

DebraLSchubert said...

Is it wrong that I wanted to punch Sarah McLaughlan in the face? Well, I did. And I'm SO not a violent person.

slacker-chick said...

I must rent "Curb Your Enthusiasm" -- apparently all the cool people like it. ;->