Spring, 1968. One of my little friends is playing at my house after school. She rushes into the living room with a smile that tells me she's clearly thrilled.
"Your mother just told your father to go shit in his hat!" she gushes.
Everybody thinks their mother is special, but how many people can pinpoint the moment they came to that realization? Yep, I'm one of the lucky ones.
Well, today Mom is 78 years old, so in her honor, I thought we'd have a little "Best of Dee Dee Idaho." She's such a good sport! (Thank God, without her I'd have no comedy act.)
And now a few excerpts from old blog posts:
Mom: (at breakfast) You want a glass of tomato juice?
Me: No, thanks.
Mom: It's good for you. It's full of antioxidants.
Me: No, I don't like tomato juice.
Mom: Well, how about V-8?
Me: That's the same as tomato juice.
Mom: But it's good for you. It's full of antioxidants.
Me: The only way I can drink tomato juice is if it has vodka in it.
Mom: You want vodka? I have vodka.
What my mother once wrote in a sympathy card:
“I’m so sorry to hear that Jeffrey has gone to a better place.”
Mom (explaining how she keeps her credit cards straight): "I put a swastika on this one."
Mom: "Not swastika. Asterisk."
Remember back in 2009 when the two female journalists were released from North Korea? This is how it would have gone down if those girls had my mother…
Me: "Mom, guess what? I just got a journalism assignment in Korea. Isn’t that great?"If I had half a brain, I’d stop there. Or I could press the issue.
Mom: "Korea? Jesus Christ, are you out of your goddamn mind? What the hell is wrong with you? No, you’re not going to goddamn Korea."
Me: "But my friend’s mother is letting her go."And then if I really pushed, I'd get her favorite "this conversation is over" line:
Mom: "I don’t give a good goddamn about your friend’s mother. If she let your friend jump off the goddamn bridge, would you do that too?"
“Fine. Do what you want, you will anyway.”I swear, I’d rather do the 12 years of hard labor in a North Korean prison than face her wrath upon release. While my friend’s mother would welcome her home with hugs and flowers, the photos of my reunion at the airport would be of Mom pulling me by the collar with one hand and swatting my head with the other.
“Don’t you think [slap] Bill Clinton has better things to do than bail your ass out of prison? Jesus Christ, [slap] do you know how much goddamn money you cost the taxpayers of this country? [slap] Huh?”
*************I love this classic Facebook post.
And don't forget this classic video! (Stay till the end.)
Happy Birthday, Mom!