TMI Alert! (Mom, pass on this one…)

Last Thursday I put on a cute little dress and black tights, an outfit no doubt inappropriate for someone my age and a total “Glamour Don’t,” but I think I looked adorable, so who cares? Anyway, every time I left the ladies room at work I vigilantly checked that the back of my dress wasn’t tucked into my tights, distinctly remembering the time I waltzed down the hall at a previous job with my sundress stuffed into my underwear.

So. Not. Pretty. You have no idea how much I was thanking God I wasn’t wearing a thong that day. (Hey, I gave you the TMI alert.)

So I’ve been thinking a lot about embarrassing moments lately and then yesterday I nearly blew my Guinness all over my monitor laughing at this post by my blogging buddy Linda in Australia. Linda’s full-frontal bravery inspired me to reveal my own Most Embarrassing Moment Ever.

I have to preface this with some explanation. Stay with me.

When we were together, my (second) ex and I hiked almost every weekend. We took tons of pictures and, as a joke, while in the most remote areas of Wyoming, Utah and other parts of the West, I’d invariably pull up my shirt, flash him, and give him a big cheesy smile. Mature, I know. And yes, I fully expect the entire collection of boob shots will grace the Internet soon after the release of my book, Bastard Husband: A Love Story. That’s just the price I have to pay.

Anyway, I like to think BH and I have maintained a loving relationship since we divorced in 2003 (living in separate hemispheres makes it a lot easier). I should say our split was not due to lack of love or compatibility, but because after his thirteenth beer he’d turn into a, well… bastard. I’m sure even he would admit to that. But we’re good, and every couple of years he comes to the U.S. for a conference; last year he stayed with me here in Las Vegas for two weeks.

So one day I needed some alone time and decided to go Panera Bread, a large café near my apartment, to do some writing. The place was packed, but I found somewhere to sit. I flipped up my laptop, hit the “on” button, and then got in line to place my order.

Okay, so picture me returning to my seat, walking through the crowded restaurant with my excellent yoga posture and my Linda Lou confidence, smiling at everyone along the way…

Now imagine my reaction when I find that, as a joke, beloved BH had loaded this uncensored photo onto my laptop as my wallpaper, for all the world to see:


Yes, there I am at Mount Rushmore, in front of the four greatest U.S. presidents ever. And in front of everyone in Panera Bread--old people, families with young children, the guy smiling in the seat behind mine… everyone.

I could have died.

But as my Aussie friend Linda can tell you, that’s nothing compared to blowing a snot bubble out your nose during a job interview.

See? There’s always someone worse off than you are.

Oh, my blogging buddies bring me such joy! I love you all!