Thursday, June 16, 2011

49 more years of looking good

A couple of weeks ago after my (45-step) beautification process, I looked in the mirror and thought, "Holy crap, I am actually having a good hair day!"  Of course, being the a-hole that I am (that's "eh-hole" for my Canadian readers), I had to take a photo and post it on Facebook.

That would make an awesome obituary picture, no?  People would be like, man, too bad she's dead--she's cute as hell.  (Being an a-hole again.)  As much as I have practically made a second career of scrutinizing my reflection for imperfections, I actually think I am pretty goddamn decent looking for a 53-year-old. 

Until I saw this photo.  My friend Gail took this last week when we were in Sedona.

Oh, hold on.  I cropped out the horrifying part.  Here's the whole picture.

Ugh!  Can you say, "middle-age spread"?  Seriously, WTF?

That, my friends, was my wake-up call.  You know how you hear about a 600-lb. guy and you're thinking, "Dude, when the scales tipped, let's say 300, didn't you think, 'Holy shit, I gotta put the brakes on?'"  Well, 140 is my 300.  Christ, I weighed 139 on my last doctor's appointment before I gave birth.  Both times.

So this is what I'm doing about it:
  • Needless to say, I've been doing my Buns of Steel DVD all week and no kidding, I already can tell things are firming up.  That video is freakin' magic! 
  • I replaced my 250-calorie per bowl Starbucks mocha chip ice cream with 60-calorie Ciao Bella sorbet.  I don't even notice the difference.
  • I eat whatever carbs I want before noon and then try to cool it from there.  Cutting carbs makes a huge difference, but I need the energy in the morning.  
  • I eat no food after 6 p.m. except sorbet.  I know there are carbs in sorbet, but tough.
  • I replaced my dark beer with Coors Light.  I don't even notice the difference.  ...  ...  ...  PSYCHE!  What, are you out of your freakin' mind?   That's a quality of life issue!
By making these changes, I already feel less... disgusting around the middle.  I know that yeah, people naturally gain weight as they age and your metabolism slows and blah, blah, blah... but I am not accepting that.  I believe that sure, there are certain laws of nature, but overall whatever you expect is what you get.  And I expect that upon my demise, as I lie in state on what will surely be a national holiday, people will pass my open casket and between their uncontrollable wailing they'll think, "Wow, she looks awesome for 102." 


Bar L. said...

You look spectacular for your age...which is totally young by the way (I'm 2 years behind you). Its true about carbs. I really could live without them if I had a personal chef that would chop and cook all my veggies, etc.

Anonymous said...

Oh Linda, you look fabulous no matter what! I hope I look that great at 53. Oh wait, I just caught up to you and am 53 as of Tuesday!! Love ya!!

Donna K.

Kym said...

I'm 53 myself and I agree with the other commenters, you look great! But the middle-aged spread sucks!

Donna B. said...

Oh I remember those carefree days in my 50's....I just turned 64! Try THAT ONE ON FOR SIZE!

Sous-Chef said...

Oh Linda you look freak’in awesome. Does this mean you will become super freak’in awesome! Personally I’d sell both kidneys and maybe a cornea to see 140 today. As it is I put my wide load aspirations on noticed and re-joined Weight Watchers last night. My mantra: bite it, write it & own it. Thank goodness Guinness doesn’t require biting ;-)

Julie D said...

140 lbs? Seriously?

One of my frickin legs weighs 140 lbs.

I think you look fabulous. And I was totally NOT psyched out by the Coors Light thing. Trust me, I have vivid memories of Chocolate Stout on your patio, there is no "weigh" you'd be caught dead with a Coors Light in your hand, 140 lbs or not.

Jay said...

I think you look hot! I'd date you in a heartbeat...heck, I'd probably ask you to marry me at some point. You have the curves in all the right places (up top...hehe).

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Ha! Jay, I'll keep you in mind in case things with Mike ever end in the shitter.

Jay said...

Please do. Please do! I love your attitude.

Debbie said...

i'm with julie ... 140! that's a goal for me. UGH. It's all so exhasting. The only thing i can say is my skin is great. i never did that baking in the sun crap when i was young. i'm 54, am fat, premenopausal, hot flashes, off the meds, going nuts, tired all the fucken time ... lovely. but i gotta say, you have the right attitude. rock it!

I Hate to Weight said...

You are beautiful. great legs!!

i need to step up my exercise. i eat fine but don't move at all. i go from my car to my office desk to a chair at an AA meeting to my couch.

your changes don't sound too terribly restrictive, which is great

enjoy the sorbet. and the stout

K A B L O O E Y said...

Ditto re: the 140. I'm going for 150 or to be able to buy a size 8 or so and just say "yeah, that looks nice" when I try it on. You look amazing, and yes, that was one good hair day.

debadee said...

Haha, you do make me laugh! I'm sure you'll still be doing sun salutations at 101 and be buried in the downward dog pose at 102!
Gosh, you've got a lot more self control than I have. I wish I'd thought at 140lbs that I was getting lardy! I only just realised 4 weeks ago at 12stone 2lb!
I have changed my lifestyle re exercise and food and have started losing lbs very slowly. It helped by listing my regular foods PHOTOGRAPHICALLY...oh the shame!

gayle said...

I think you look awesome!! I started the 30 day shred (missed today) and so far I love it! I ate perfect for a couple of days and then really screwed up the rest!! Night eating is the hardest for me. Oh well tomorrow is Monday:)