Tuesday, July 14, 2009

5 more reasons why I’d make a terrible feminist

I should probably keep these thoughts to myself since I could single-handedly take the women’s movement back a hundred years, but after last Saturday's post, I've come up with five more reasons why I'd make a terrible feminist.

Reason #1: I’d be perfectly happy with the model whereby men provide and protect, and women take care of their kids and their men. Especially their men. And by take care of their men, I mean "take care." Wink, wink. And why not? They deserve it! Please, it’s so much fun and it makes them so happy—it’s the least we can do.

Related to that…

Reason #2: Personally, I’d like to have a word with whoever decided it was a good idea for women to have jobs. I’ve said it a million times: I’ve never had a day at work that was better than a day at home. My grandfather Papa used to check Nana’s wallet everyday to make sure she had money to go out to lunch with her girlfriends from church, and if she was low, he’d stock it with a crisp twenty dollar bill. Awesome! But there I am, sitting in a gray cubicle day after day, churning out proposals and other boring documents that mean nothing to me but a paycheck… hell, I’m nothing but a while collar Norma Rae. Is that really progress?

Reason #3: I love it when people call me “honey.” Especially women, and especially waitresses. Nothing makes you feel more loved than a 110-year-old greasy spoon waitress with painted on eyebrows calling you “hon.” And I’m always intrigued by waitresses who call me that and who clearly are my kids’ age. I know some women get bent out of shape when they’re called “honey,” which is curious because I have a feeling they’ve been called much worse. I take no offense—I’m just thrilled that somebody is actually going to put a plate of food in front of me and all I have to do is sit there.

Reason #4: I think women should make every effort to look pretty. You don’t have to be a classic beauty to keep yourself up. I’m way too vain to let myself go (hello, did you just meet me?), but personally I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Men appreciate it when you care enough to look good. If you can't do it for yourself (and why not?) at least do it for your man.

Reason #5: Men really are the stronger sex. No matter how much I work out, I will never be able to open some jars of spaghetti sauce. Which, unfortunately, says a lot about my cooking.

So there you go. I’m not saying this is how it should be for everybody; I’m just saying this is how I look at it. But still, can you believe that in 2009, this is what I really do believe?

What's your opinion? Am I nuts or right on?

13 comments:

DebraLSchubert said...

You're nuts and you're right on. As long as it's a CHOICE, then we're good. I agree with you - staying home kicks ass over working a job you hate strictly for a paycheck. There were short periods when I was raising my kids where I didn't have to work full-time, and no matter how politically incorrect it is to say so, working and being a mom is WAY harder than staying home and being one. Nights and weekends free of doing laundry and grocery shopping? Being able to grab a quick nap during the day? Not having to do some dumbass task your boss gives you because you got in ten minutes late since you had to take your kid to a doctor's appointment or he missed the bus? Sorry, stay at home moms - there's NO competition.;-)

AmyK said...

My sister's best friend's husband (are you with me on that)lovingly calls her Princess. She has never worked (he's a lawyer), and has always been pampered. I could live that life. I am of the "I am Woman" age. I have always believed though, that we are not equal to men, we are better than men. We are Divas and should be treated as such. Your grandpa had it right.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Debbie: I don't know how working mothers do it. Seriously.

@ Amy: Hmmm... I can't say I feel women are superior to men, just different. But I love those differences! And I love it when my boyfriend says those three magic words: "Yes, my queen." Ha!

Julie said...

Separated at birth. That's us.

I'm totally, at this age, ready to be pampered and treated like a queen. I deserve it, dammit. I've been a single parent for 90% of my son's 18 years, I've been through a shit divorce, and I've worked my ass off for 30 years.

I'm ready for my Prince Charming to ride in on his white horse. Or white Porsche. I'm not that picky.

Lisa Gioia-Acres said...

Okay, I know where reason #3 came from and I still don't think he should call the cocktail waitress "honey!"

How is it we are so compatible when I totally have opposite ideas from you????? Men the stronger sex - hah! Jars -maybe, but emotional and willpower resilience? Not in my experience. Don't you remember the movie, "Steel Magnolias"?

I still totally love you. And your ideas. And your writing. And your friendship. You inspire me.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Ha! "One of my best friends is a feminist..."

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I'm so with you! I don't mind wearing an apron and making sure dinner is on the table when Boo gets home.

MizMell said...

I guess you can count me as a feminist. But then, I've never had a man look after me or call me princess. I figured out long ago that learning to be independent was the best use of my time.

And--like Lisa, I enjoy your writings. I also am anxious to read your book! (Are you sure you're not telepathic? I swear that book is MY life.)

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Chocolate girlfriend: I bet Boo would really appreciate it if you wore the apron... and nothing else.

@ MizMell: Thanks for commenting! I'm all for independence, but man, sometimes it's nice to just be taken care of. And I'm both happy and sorry that you can so relate to my book!

AmyK said...

I say we are better than men because of our innate qualities. For instance, we are born with a tracking device in our uterus. If something is missing, even if it belongs to our children, husband, boss, co-worker, etc. We know where it is. Missing crowbar... you bet. I hate that I know that stuff. Men cannot find the ketchup in the frig. and I have a good man. But his motto is "Happy wife - Happy life"...

classicrockforthesoul said...

What a fabulous read!
I sent this post (along with your first one about feminism) in an email to all my girlfriends and they gave me back responses like "Hell yes!" and "This lady is good! I completely agree." :)

I am soooo with you on Reason #3. Cracks me up.

I can definitely see myself as being the one making hubby breakfast, sending kids off on the school bus, doing housework during the day, helping kids with their homework in the afternoons, making dinner for when hubby gets home, family bonding time in the evenings - The whole 1950s June Cleaver housewife bit!
Wow, I think I'm getting a little ahead of myself...

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Amy K: "Happy life, happy wife" is so true! Same goes for husbands--keeping them happy is in our own best interest.

@ Classic Rock girl: I'm fascinated by the fact that you and your friends agree with me! Maybe because many kids your age have watched their mothers work themselves ragged trying to hold a day job and take care of a family. Thanks for commenting, honey!

Tasha said...

I'd never call you honey... but I might call you hooker.

It's a much more affectionate word than honey, anyway. ;)