Cute, huh? I knew they were cute, but just to be sure, I asked a couple of eighth graders in the shoe store and they said, “Yeah, they’re totally cute” and with that confirmation, I marched myself right up to the register. I totally wanted to wear them back to work, but I saved them for today, which was a smart strategy because for the first time in ages I didn’t murmur an obscenity when my alarm went off this morning. Nope, I sprung out of bed because I have cute new shoes to wear today!
I have been in kind of a shitty mood lately, too. I thought the grand opening of the new Ross Dress-for-Less near my house would do the trick, but no… every cute little blouse I looked at was already on a hanger in my closet and nothing else brought me joy, so all I got was underwear.
I thought this Marilyn Monroe thong was funny because… well, do you think Marilyn Monroe actually wore a thong?
I hope I become a famous author so 45 years after my death my image will grace products I've never used. Imagine the Linda Lou kitchen apron?
But whatever... new underwear didn't quite do the trick. The fact is, nothing, nothing lifts my spirits like cute shoes!!!
And here's my great advice for the guys: Don’t worry, there’s something in this post for you, and it’s important. I’m going to let you in on the secret to getting laid. It's simple; all you have to do is say this:
“OMG, your shoes are so cute! They totally elongate your legs and make them look very slender. Did you lose weight? Please don’t lose any more; you’re perfect as you are.”And then, I guarantee, the response you get will be:
“Why, thank you! Now, let’s have a romp in the sack, shall we?”What could be easier? Try it, you'll see!