Thursday, August 13, 2009

Excuse while I vent (again)

I’m cranky as hell lately, so thank God my sister Lori and my brother-in-law Russ are coming to town this afternoon. Lori is the most fun person on earth and Russ is the best brother-in-law ever. We’re going to see Jackson Browne at Red Rock Casino on Saturday night, and next Tuesday is their 20th wedding anniversary. I have something planned for them, but they don’t know it yet. It’s going to be awesome. Lori and Russ are perfect houseguests and their visit is just what I need right now.

I have been so freakin’ out of sorts these past few weeks I can’t even stand myself—do you ever get like that? It’s mainly because of two things: my book seems like it’s never going to be ready for the printer and I’m absolutely miserable in my job. Miserable. My alarm goes off at 5:30 and the second my eyes open, they roll back into my head and I let out a resignation-laden “fuuuhck.”

I’ll spare you the details, especially since I know many of you are out of work and I should be happy to have a job at all, much less one that pays halfway decently. Nonetheless, the place is breaking my spirit. I’ve used up all my coping mechanisms and I’m just marking time like a prisoner.

Since I got out of grad school in 1991, I’ve worked as a technical writer or corporate trainer, with instructional design work in there, too. Almost all was on a consulting or contract basis, meaning I got to travel and I also knew that sooner or later the gig would end. For some reason, I find that comforting; I don't like being "owned" by a company as an employee. I’ve been an employee now for almost three years and I hate it. And there’s no end in sight.

Right now I’m doing technical writing. I don’t mind it—there’s actually a cool sense of satisfaction in creating a beautiful user guide—but I don't create user guides anymore and that's part of the problem. I don't like the stuff I'm creating eight hours a day sitting in a gray cubicle and I’m totally burned out.

I’d really like to get back into corporate training. I love training! I love helping people learn so they can feel more confident about doing their jobs. I love helping people get from A to B. And I am fun. as. hell. in the classroom.

So I am sending that energy out to the universe. I am willing myself a nice training gig—right this minute! When I lived back east I had an awesome training gig. I taught newly hired bank customer service people sales techniques and how to open accounts and use the software. Loved it. I worked 15 days a month and was paid a nice per diem rate. Yeah, that’s what I want.

Manifesting now…

13 comments:

Hurricane Mikey said...

I'm with you Linda--the happiest I ever was at a job was in the good old days when I was teaching option trading classes to new brokers four days a week. I *loved* doing that. The money was good, I was very good at what I did, and I had a lot of fun with it. Sadly, nothing that good ever seems to last.

Dealing poker is fun and all, and the money is pretty good, but it's not the end-all be-all, that's for sure. At least I'm not a prisoner in a cube all day.

Julie said...

Your wish is granted.

Meanwhle, I'll be there in 29 days. I'll snap you right out of your funk. :)

Tara said...

Ugg..I'm happy that I still have a job, but I have yet to find something that I really want to do with my life. Being a computer geek pays the bills, but there are only so many times that I can fix the same thing or teach the same person how to do something. I feel ya with the job burn out. Problem is, after 11 years, I'm way too comfy where I am......

classicrockforthesoul said...

Sorry about your job :( I know it's hard to up and leave, but you really should do whatever you enjoy!

And I'm totally jealous you're seeing Jackson Browne!!! I've always wanted to see him in concert. I expect a full review.

Keep your head up!!

The Peach Tart said...

I'm envious about Jackson Browne in concert. Enjoy your time with your sister and brother in law.

My Moon said...

I so feel your pain! While I am so, so, very, very thankful for my job, I am not happy with what I am doing anymore and it is very hard. I really want to enjoy work again. Gotta get my resume updated!

I bet you are a fun as hell teacher / trainer!!! I would love to be in one of your training classes!

Carol said...

Last week, I thought your Mom and mine had to be related. This week, I'm convinced! Your words sound exactly like the ones that rattle around in my head every day. It's true, we should be thankful we have jobs. But being "owned" is not a very nice feeling.

Working in IT lost its luster quite some time ago, but I'm still not sure I know what I want to be when I grow up. I *have* learned it's not appropriate in an interview situation to answer the question "Where do you see yourself in five years?" with: "on a beach, drinking a margarita" !

They never quite get it...

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I so know what you mean. I have been a crabby patty since I don't know when. Today is one of those days when I could've pulled the covers over my head and not come out.

Hope the book takes off so you're totally freed up from the gray prison cubicle.

Julie is heading back to Vegas??? When???

Gail said...

I am experiencing burn-out, too. However, I have worked for the same company for thirty-four years. Used to love my job, changed locations a few times, but never disliked my job...but now I am looking forward to retirement and am leary at the same time.

Danica said...

I am so there with you. I actually had to set myself straight before I got myself fired at work for lack of personality and engagement.

I love training too. That's the part of my job I love the most. I love helping peeps learn.

We coulda used someone like you in this architecture class I took about a month ago...the lady was dry as hell and her personality was crap.

Hugs. Here's hoping you find your passion again. I'm de-funka-fying you.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Thanks, all!

The comic Paula Poundstone has a great line: "You know why adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up? They're looking for ideas."

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

You, fun in the classroom? I can only imagine! I wish you could get a job doing that again. What about being a consul ant to individuals that want to get from A to B, sort of like a Life Coach but not as intense?

I am so happy to be out of a gray cubicle! Its almost worth being totally broke.

Have fun with Sis and Russ!

R. Jacob said...

Sometimes the highs in life are very high and the lows very low. Sometimes the job and the money lead the way and make it difficult to enjoy life. We all go through it. You know what you like to do and need to go back doing it. Not easy, I know. You are not alone.