I’m cranky as hell lately, so thank God my sister Lori and my brother-in-law Russ are coming to town this afternoon. Lori is the most fun person on earth and Russ is the best brother-in-law ever. We’re going to see Jackson Browne at Red Rock Casino on Saturday night, and next Tuesday is their 20th wedding anniversary. I have something planned for them, but they don’t know it yet. It’s going to be awesome. Lori and Russ are perfect houseguests and their visit is just what I need right now.
I have been so freakin’ out of sorts these past few weeks I can’t even stand myself—do you ever get like that? It’s mainly because of two things: my book seems like it’s never going to be ready for the printer and I’m absolutely miserable in my job. Miserable. My alarm goes off at 5:30 and the second my eyes open, they roll back into my head and I let out a resignation-laden “fuuuhck.”
I’ll spare you the details, especially since I know many of you are out of work and I should be happy to have a job at all, much less one that pays halfway decently. Nonetheless, the place is breaking my spirit. I’ve used up all my coping mechanisms and I’m just marking time like a prisoner.
Since I got out of grad school in 1991, I’ve worked as a technical writer or corporate trainer, with instructional design work in there, too. Almost all was on a consulting or contract basis, meaning I got to travel and I also knew that sooner or later the gig would end. For some reason, I find that comforting; I don't like being "owned" by a company as an employee. I’ve been an employee now for almost three years and I hate it. And there’s no end in sight.
Right now I’m doing technical writing. I don’t mind it—there’s actually a cool sense of satisfaction in creating a beautiful user guide—but I don't create user guides anymore and that's part of the problem. I don't like the stuff I'm creating eight hours a day sitting in a gray cubicle and I’m totally burned out.
I’d really like to get back into corporate training. I love training! I love helping people learn so they can feel more confident about doing their jobs. I love helping people get from A to B. And I am fun. as. hell. in the classroom.
So I am sending that energy out to the universe. I am willing myself a nice training gig—right this minute! When I lived back east I had an awesome training gig. I taught newly hired bank customer service people sales techniques and how to open accounts and use the software. Loved it. I worked 15 days a month and was paid a nice per diem rate. Yeah, that’s what I want.