Thursday, August 6, 2009

Mom, I'm taking a job in Korea...

Yes, of course I’m happy the two female journalists were released from North Korea. Let’s make that clear—we’re all relieved. But for God’s sake, I don't venture into North Las Vegas without thinking twice. Why anyone would go within a time zone of the most evil and dangerous country on earth is beyond the scope of my imagination.

I’ll tell you, this never would have happened if those girls had my mother…

Me: "Mom, guess what? I just got a journalism assignment in Korea. Isn’t that great?"
Mom: "Korea? Jesus Christ, are you out of your goddamn mind? What the hell is wrong with you? No, you’re not going to goddamn Korea."
If I had half a brain, I’d stop there. Or I could press the issue.

Me: "But my friend’s mother is letting her go."
Mom: "I don’t give a good goddamn about your friend’s mother. If she let your friend jump off the goddamn bridge, would you do that too?"
And then if I really pushed, I'd get her favorite "this conversation is over" line:

“Fine. Do what you want, you will anyway.”
I swear, I’d rather do the 12 years of hard labor in a North Korean prison than face her wrath upon release. While my friend’s mother would welcome her home with hugs and flowers, the photos of my reunion at the airport would be of Mom pulling me by the collar with one hand and swatting my head with the other.

“Don’t you think [slap] Bill Clinton has better things to do than bail your ass out of prison? Jesus Christ, [slap] do you know how much goddamn money you cost the taxpayers of this country? [slap] Huh?”
She may have a point--those two journalists chose to take that gig, no doubt to further their careers. We're not talking about soldiers serving our country. How much did their capture cost U.S. taxpayers?

And I guess Hillary’s been working to free three American hikers who were snatched after they strayed from Iraq into Iran. Are you kidding me? I mean, Jesus Christ, have they already hiked every goddamn trail in America, and in every other country in the free world, they now have to hike in Iraq???

Excuse me, I think I just turned into my mother.

19 comments:

Hurricane Mikey said...

Fuck 'em. If they're dumb enough to go there, they shouldn't be surprised when they get what's coming.

I'm just sayin'...

The Peach Tart said...

I'm with you honey.

Julie said...

Oh my Gawwwwwwwwwwwwd. I swear to you, I had this same conversation yesterday with one of my friends. You and I really were separated at birth. We think so much alike it scares me!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe I get to see you again in five short weeks!!!!

DebraLSchubert said...

I couldn't agree more, especially about the hikers. Um, yeah, could you maybe find a more reasonable place to exercise? At least the women were doing a story about brutal slave labor camps and defectors in North Korea. That's something that needs to be exposed. However, it's still freaking North Korea!!!

PS: I love your mom.;-)

AmyK said...

Oh, Linda, this is priceless and why I keep coming back. The hiker's in Iran needed your mother too.

Yo Mama said...

You're damned right I wouldn't allow you to go to North Korea.

However, as I understand it, Al Gore owns Current TV where Laura Ling and Eun Lee work. He asked Bill Clinton to go to North Korea. Bill's good friend is Steve Bing who donated his plane for the mission. On TV yesterday am, it was stated over and over that the US government was not involved.

That said, I agree that there are enough stories and mountains in relatively safe places without looking for trouble.

What's wrong with these people's mothers?

Danica said...

Insane. This whole story amazes me. Aren't there soldiers who need our help right now rather than some journalists who were being stupid?

Mandy said...

I swear Linda, you read my mind and translate it into something that makes sense and write it here so I read it and say "That Linda is effen brilliant!"

Mandy said...

****Breaking News****
President Clinton has just been dispatched on an even more important mission: Getting Paula back on American Idol

Vegas Linda Lou said...

BAH-HA-ha-ha!

Elle said...

Wow, either we are related, or our moms have the same parenting handbook. My Mom would do the exact same thing, except she would have a cigarette hanging from her mouth, as she was grabing me by the collar.

Other Mikey's Julie said...

Mandy - that is funny!
I so agree - why in the hell would you want to put yourself in a position like that? Career or no career - and one gal has a 4 year old daughter. What could possibly be more important in Korea that she would risk being separated from her child like that?
Thank God I do not have the desire to save the world.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Julie, you took the words out of my mouth. Another reason I'd make a terrible feminist. Somebody explain to me how a mother can leave her 4-year-old daughter to traipse off to that godforsaken place. And really, I don't know how a father could do it, either. If your career is that goddamn important, think twice before having kids.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Elle: the image of a cig dangling from your mother's mouth--priceless!

slacker-chick said...

The only journalistic trip I'm interested in taking is one to a resort spa, say, in the Caribbean. No one better try to bail me out of there!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I was cracking up but you're so right! There is no way I'd risk my life to be where my arse doesn't need to be...and for the sake of a story??? How about skype? Maybe the next time, they'll skype the interviews!!

ReeRee said...

BAH-HA-ha!!!! North Las Vegas line pulled me straight in!! I have not commented in a while... but I love reading your posts! Lv ya!!

Teresa said...

Girl you said it well. Those goofy quizzes you get in your email. Where would you most like to travel to? Ah no where outside the U.S.
I do not understand why ANYONE would take a crazy Arse job like that! Especially a parent. That is stupid and lacks common sense.
And yes, it was taxpayer money, who do you think pays Bill Clinton's salary?

Fragrant Liar said...

Yes! I'm glad the girls got back home, but why did it take Prez Clinton to get them here? North Korea was just making a point about Westerners. So I get it. But like my own mom (and probably yours), I have to say, "WTF? Go to Canada to find something to write about. They like us!" :)

HA! My word verification is annus. Yes, I am immature.