I’ll tell you, this never would have happened if those girls had my mother…
Me: "Mom, guess what? I just got a journalism assignment in Korea. Isn’t that great?"If I had half a brain, I’d stop there. Or I could press the issue.
Mom: "Korea? Jesus Christ, are you out of your goddamn mind? What the hell is wrong with you? No, you’re not going to goddamn Korea."
Me: "But my friend’s mother is letting her go."And then if I really pushed, I'd get her favorite "this conversation is over" line:
Mom: "I don’t give a good goddamn about your friend’s mother. If she let your friend jump off the goddamn bridge, would you do that too?"
“Fine. Do what you want, you will anyway.”I swear, I’d rather do the 12 years of hard labor in a North Korean prison than face her wrath upon release. While my friend’s mother would welcome her home with hugs and flowers, the photos of my reunion at the airport would be of Mom pulling me by the collar with one hand and swatting my head with the other.
“Don’t you think [slap] Bill Clinton has better things to do than bail your ass out of prison? Jesus Christ, [slap] do you know how much goddamn money you cost the taxpayers of this country? [slap] Huh?”She may have a point--those two journalists chose to take that gig, no doubt to further their careers. We're not talking about soldiers serving our country. How much did their capture cost U.S. taxpayers?
And I guess Hillary’s been working to free three American hikers who were snatched after they strayed from Iraq into Iran. Are you kidding me? I mean, Jesus Christ, have they already hiked every goddamn trail in America, and in every other country in the free world, they now have to hike in Iraq???
Excuse me, I think I just turned into my mother.