Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Saturday night "Mystery Date" and it all goes up in flames

My life is—literally—an open book. In my book, in this blog and in my published essays, I offer first-person accounts of my observations, feelings, adventures… and relationships. As I mentioned on Saturday, when you’ve created a public persona as I have, a certain degree of accountability comes with the territory; readers follow you because they’re interested in your life, and so you can’t put stuff out there and just let it hang.

So, what the hell happened between me and beloved boyfriend? Hmmm…. You know how you can be with someone and things are sucking and you’re both miserable and you’re in the “relationship hospice” for what seems to be forever and then you just can’t take the agony anymore and so finally you just pull the goddamn plug?

That wasn't the case with us. It was more like there were some smoldering embers that suddenly burst into wildfire and before we knew it, the whole freakin' forest had burned to a crisp.

The point of combustion occurred a couple of weeks ago. I had two free tickets to see Gladys Knight at the Orleans. Do you want to go with me? Sure. We have to pick up the tickets between 6:30 and 7:00--do you want to go to dinner beforehand? Sounds good. Do you want to pick me up at 5:15? Yep.

You see, I ‘m a planner. If my boyfriend is picking me up at 5:15, I start the beautification process around 4:30 so I have plenty of time to shower, do my makeup and pick out a slenderizing outfit that I think he’ll like. As you know, I’d make a terrible feminist. I think women should look good when they go out; a man likes to show off the babe on his arm. (Another reason why I'm not on board with the "formerly hot" concept--what guy wants to be with a woman who considers herself "formerly" hot?)

Anyway, I had on this cute little red dress--the one in this picture--and was ready and waiting at 5:15. And at 5:20. And at 5:25. At 5:30, I call him. He's at a Mensa friend's house, all caught up in one of those dorky freakin' Dungeons and Dragons-type games. He'll be right there. Sure enough, he was at my door by quarter to six, but by then I was seething.

You see, I’m a punctual type. Unlike beloved boyfriend, I like to be on time. If I have an obligation with someone at a specified time, I make every effort to be there and I freak out if I think I'm going to be late. To me, tardiness--yes, I just used the word "tardiness" and I'm not even a school teacher--is a sign of disrespect. It's a passive-aggressive way of saying, "You're not that important to me." I value my time, and I especially value my free time since I spend so many of my waking hours sitting in a gray cubicle. I think we should respectful of other people's time.

Let me tell you that beloved boyfriend messed up on the time the night before, too, and I ended up going to a comedy show by myself. Same thing with an event at the library a couple of weeks before--he forgot all about it, didn't answer his phone when I called, and so I went alone. So yeah, when I opened the door that Saturday night I was ready to bite his freakin' head off, and when I saw him standing there in the same jeans and gray t-shirt he had on all day, all I could think of was the old Mystery Date game from the '60s and I got the dud.


I simply rolled my eyes, gave him the Fran Drescher "hand," and shut the door.

So yeah, I was pissed at him for (yet again) screwing up on the time and he was pissed that I closed the door in his face and then I was pissed for a million other reasons that I won't get into but believe me they're good, and the bottom line is I haven't seen him since. We talked on the phone for an hour and a half this past Sunday night and we're both open to negotiations, but we're also both stubborn as hell, so no guarantees on whether we'll ultimately decide to rebuild.

Of course, I went to see Gladys Knight anyway. Of course, before the show I met an Irish guy named Sean from New York who lives in Vegas now, and of course, he gave me his number in case I ever want to hang out. He was really nice, but I don't think I'll be calling him. I could use a little break from boys. Stupid boys.

32 comments:

DebraLSchubert said...

OMG I LOVED that Mystery Date game!!! And, what was the game called where you decided what your career would be? I remember there was actress (of course, that's what I wanted since I'm such a drama queen), nurse, and teacher. What was that called??? Sorry about BBF, but if it's meant to be, it'll be. Since you're forever hot, you'll find a new beau (beau and tardiness - how old are we???) whenever you're damn good and ready!
Hugs to you, Linda.;-)

R. Jacob said...

very, very cute red dress!

classicrockforthesoul said...

Stupid boys is right!

Ugh. I can't believe that. You guys look so cute together, but I think I'm the same way as you are - if you're late (and if you didn't even semi-dress up for a date... and especially if you're a no-show!) then it's over. Goodbye. Stop wasting my time.

I'm thinkin' about ya! :)

Julie said...

Men. If they can put one on the moon, maybe they should put them all up there.

We can let 'em come back for various sex acts and bug killing.

Darlin, it will work out the way it's meant to. I'd say call Sean...what do you have to lose? You don't have to marry him. Just go out on a "Mystery Date". :)

Sandi said...

HUGE HUGS girl! I love and respect you more and more with every post.

I know that even though it seems like a no brainer and that he should have and didn't, it still hurts like a bitch and I am so sorry you are going through it.

BREAK UPS SUCK!!

AmyK said...

I'm sorry your friend turned into a jerk. I totally believe the "He's Just Not Into To You" philosophy. Mu husband use to be my coworker (he 26 - me 31). I knew he was engaged to 2 women that did not know about each other. The women thought they were serious, but he was "engaging" as often as possible with both. I asked him out for a Birthday drink, figuring he was not serious about either one. 2 weeks later he proposed, 6 months later we were married. That will be 28 yrs. in Jan. I, too kissed my share of frogs. Love shouldn't hurt.

Josie said...

You were right and he was wrong BUT he is one gorgeous guy!!! And let's be honest here - if you want this relationship to continue, you can make that happen. Oh and did I mention he's freakin' hot?

Hurricane Mikey said...

He should be happy that you gave him the whole hand.

Usually all I get is the finger...

AmyK said...

Sorry, Linda, I hit publish before I said the most important thing. That man or any man should cherish you. You are a gem that he is taking for granted. The right one won't.

You don't need to publish any of this. I just wanted you to know I think he messed up and you deserve better.

Danica said...

Men are stupid. There's a song by Keith Urban called "Stupid Boy". SO TRUE

I too am a punctual person. I can't stand it when people are late and LW wouldn't even think about being late because he'd have to suffer the rath of me!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Josie: You're right--he is hot. Even when I'm pissed, I look at him and think, "Damn, you're a nice looking guy!"

@ AmyK: I do feel a bit taken for granted.

Lisa Gioia-Acres said...

Bet it felt good to get this one out there. You are such an inspiration, telling your story and sharing your feelings. Love the dress! Hey, whose cute legs are there in that pic? Ha Ha.

ModernMom said...

Oh Linda, I think you said it all.

...boys.Stupid boys.

I think all men are truly just boys. Just gotta find the one you can't live without!

Lori Biker said...

I am a late person. I make poor decisions regarding time. I have been called Star Trek Girl because I never know how long it takes to get from one place to another. Beam me up Scotty. If I have to go somewhere with Linda Lou I try my hardest to be on time. I try hard to be on time for things and people that matter most. People really tell me I have to be somewhere before I actually have to be there. It is a terrible flaw of mine. I also have forgotten about places I should be. Saturday I missed my friend Chris' 40th birthday party because I just forgot about it. But, I told them I would be there if I remembered. If people are in the beginning of an important love connection...they don't forget and they aren't late and that's it. Linda Lou, it may be a good thing to be a single, hot babe when your book comes out and you travel the world promoting it! Maybe a BF distraction isn't what you need when you tell your story to Oprah! You have tons of others supporting you! You go girl!

Yellow Trash Diaries said...

Hot legs! I'm not the most punctual of people, but I agree that it's very rude to show up late for a date. And you are my hero for shutting the door in his face.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I am proud of you for respecting yourself and not putting up with this. I know people who are habitually late and they are aware of it but laugh it off like its ok to leave me waiting ON TIME all the time.

That's one of my fave dresses of yours. Are your legs bare in that pic? If so how do you get them looking so smooth and pretty and flawless?

I used to love that stupid Mystery Date game!!!

Relationships are really hard work and sometimes being alone is much better.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Ha! Those are bare legs, alright, though I don't know about the flawless part. Having a tan helps! I'm lucky in the legs department; it must be a combination of good genes and years of ballet and yoga. Not so lucky with the hair!

It's funny--that dress is soooo old. I got it at Macy's in Albany before I moved out west, and that was in 2001. I got it at the end of the season, and it was on sale marked down a few times and then 70 percent off that. In the end it came to like $3.75 with tax. It's turned out to be a great dress and I wear it all the time--year after year. It never needs ironing, so it's great for traveling, plus I just throw it in the wash and it comes out perfectly every time. For $3.75!

the letters i wish i'd written said...

Legend, legend, legend! If you take 45 minutes to make yourself all pretty for your boy, the least he can do is show up on time wearing some clean clothes. For the love of God, it was Gladys you were going to so it was doubly shameful of him to make no effort, he shoulda rocked up in sequins!

Anonymous said...

As Joan Rivers says in her new book, "men are stupid and they like big boobs".

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Oh, but I find men so cuddly and irresistable!

Gail said...

I am too old to survive in the single world.

slacker-chick said...

Ohhh Linda Lou - I'm sorry you have to go through this but I know you will make the right decision to work on this relationship or move on.

Take care babe,
Rochelle

R. Jacob said...

I was thinking about it and clean jeans and a clean t-shirt are my dress up clothes!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

You know, the jeans weren't the problem--not at all. The plain gray t-shirt he'd worn all day--he could have done better. And to be fair, we've gone to many concerts and have worn jeans--that in itself wasn't the issue. It was more of a cumulative effect of a lot of mostly time-related things, and his showing up late was really just the tipping point.

I actually prefer jeans myself, but no matter what, I like to look good for my man. If I think that much about him, I would hope he'd think as much of me.

glnroz said...

hope you dont mind me just a'sasshaying over and putting my two cents in (it's Suzanne's fault I am here, she mentioned your site). anyhow,, run his ass off. Ok now that I have "butted" in. Thank you for letting me drop by.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Welcome, glnroz! Your two cents are certainly welcome here. And yeah, his ass is history. Tomorrow's post will be interesting...

My Moon said...

I like what your sister said! Maybe you should be single when your books comes out and when your on Oprah! Dumb, stupid boys!!!

Anonymous said...

I would be pissed if someone slammed the door in my face. It is very disrespecful. I am sure he thought about kicking in the door and telling you what he thought of it. I think you like being single, and his tardiness and attire gave you a good reson to get out. It is OK to admit that you do not want to be in a relationship. I would not date another man seriously until you do some soul searching to figure out what you want in a relationship/

ISE

Vegas Linda Lou said...

ISE, fair enough. I wouldn't say I slammed the door, though, and as I've said--it was the tipping point. That incident just fanned some smoldering embers.

Tara said...

I cannot stand tardiness. And yes, I too call it tardiness. I think that was part of the reason I got divorced. Well that and he was a disgusting slob. I just can't get past people not being places on time though. I mean, when it's said to be somewhere at a certain time, why would it be ok to be late????? Hell, now that I have little one, I have to start getting ready like an hour earlier, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna be late, lol!

Fragrant Liar said...

Shit! I'm so behind, now I find out you guys broke up? Just when I was beginning to have hope in new relationships as we get older. . .

I'm sorry, Linda. I hope you guys can remain friends at least.

Big hugs.
Kimber

Lilly said...

Oh I am sorry but forgetting me and my plans a few times would be enough for me to slam the door shut too. You are hot (and I liked what you said about the formerly hot classification, why do we do this kind of thing?) and that red dress is gorgeous and you deserve the best. You learnt a lot the last time and your book is testament to it. We got to love and respect ourselves not to take this shit and I salute you. Maybe he will realise, who knows but it will turn out for the best. I am sure. Yes, and you do have great legs Linda!