Saturday, December 18, 2010

What's your porn star name?

I feel sorry for the children in Las Vegas.  Not because the education system seems to be abysmal or because they have to walk through smokey casinos to go bowling or to the movies.  No, I fear for their future because they live on streets with names like "Las Palmas Entrada Avenue" and "Le Arte Drive." 

Why?  Because someday when they're working in a worldwide conglomerate like GE, goofing around with their friends instead of toiling away at some boring project flow chart, they're going to realize they have crappy porn star names.

You know how to arrive at your porn star name, right?  Take the name of your childhood pet combined with the name of the street you grew up on.  It's fun to compare porn star names with your work buds--  right up there with identifying feeble or reckless celebs for the Ghoul Pool, naming the celebrity you'd choose for yourself if you had to be gay (or if you're already gay and had to be straight) or playing a relatively new game to make the scene:  F**k, Kill, Marry.  (Take three random stars and categorize them according to what you'd do with them.) 

Little time wasters on the corporate clock.  I can always tell how cool a new work environment is by my co-workers' willingness to play along.  Yes, I'm the one who always starts it, but that's why I'm Ms. Freakin' Congeniality in the cube farm.

Getting back to porn star names.  Fortunately, I was blessed with a great one:  Ginger Lincoln.  If I ever decide to write erotica (instead of actually living it on a daily basis) (schwing!), I would definitely use that as my pen name.  Some porn names of my friends include Coquette Ramsey (excellent!), Buddy Kent (sounds more like a comic, no?), and Lucky Manning.  My father's porn name?  Tabby Lancaster.  One of my co-workers from GE grew up on the east side of NYC; her porn name was Man 79.  Sounds like an AVN winner in one of the more, um, distasteful categories.  

Anyway, I fear for the future of the children of Las Vegas.  Pebbles Sevilla Heights and Chester Aura De Blanco are not going to cut it.  Poor kids.  They'll actually have to get some work done.

How about you?  Were you blessed with a good porn star name?  What fun games do you play with your co-workers?

   

18 comments:

Fragrant Liar said...

Seventh Herman. Yeah, I need a new porn name. Any suggestions? Fragrant Liar? Oh, that'll work!

Emmas_Gold said...

Not quite as spicy as yours, Linda. Mine is Ginger Brown. The Ginger part is total porn. But Brown? Meh.

Emmas_Gold said...

Oh, and Lori's is Ripper Highland. Ouch!

Donald Riggio said...

I settled on Lance Gozintite

Laurie Stringer said...

Lady Belle Hampton ;-)

John Hawkins said...

I guess it depends on where you live in town. There are some excellent street names in my area. For example, assuming I grew up on the street I live now, my porn name would be "Bear Shotgun". Come on now, that's an awesome name!!

Other street names in my area include: Hawkwood, Rising Star, War Paint... ok, not sure about the last one. But you'll have to come drive around. plenty of childish giggles to be had.

Matty said...

I guess that makes me, Christopher Bel Aire.

Anonymous said...

Bullet Valentine

-Charles R.

Linda and her Twaddle said...

Igor Cluden.

I am afraid that is not a very good porn name. Igor was my guinea pig.

Julie said...

Mine is Biddy Florence.

Seriously.

If that's not an old wrinkly porn star in the making, I don't know what is.

I Hate to Weight said...

i love Biddy Florence!!! too funny.

I'm Rebecca Annabelle. sounds more like a soap opera star.

Tara said...

I would be Snuggles Heatherglen.... Strangely satisfying.....

Liz said...

Oh good heavens! I'd be Colonel Hayes! Not so good for a gal!! If I could use my current pet and current street, I'd be Abbey Wilbur. At least girlish but not so "pornish!" :-)

Courtney said...

Sesame Homestead

Well, really it would be Sesame Skunk Homestead, but I drop the Skunk part.

GO-GO RACH said...

LMAO!

My porn name would be:

Homestead Snitzel.

NOT SEXY.

You are too funny!
XXX

Danica said...

HA! I'm Pippy Schaffer.

Not hot at all!

Other Mikey's Julie said...

Biddy Florence rocks! I would be Sonny Purple Sage... not hot.

genlaz1 said...

Wolf Young lol beat that