Saturday, October 23, 2010

George Clooney is handsome enough, but I prefer a hefty redhead

I am so excited! Tonight my brother and sister-in-law are taking me to the Palace Theater to see Louis CK, one of my favorite all-time comics.

I freakin’ LOVE that guy! Aside from being funny as hell, he’s one of the most ballsy comics out there. If you caught his show on FX last summer, you know what I mean. Sometimes I can’t believe he’s going there, but he marches right along. He’s full-frontal honest and often self-deprecating, which I love.

Here’s a clip from his Shameless video. I saw this on Comedy Central a few years ago (after midnight, so it was unedited) and became a fan for life. WARNING: This is vile, disgusting, politically incorrect, and includes absolutely terrible language and mental images that will offend just about everyone on earth.

Yep, Louis CK is right up there with Larry David and Ricky Gervais as far as comedy goes, and he’s one of my major celebrity crushes. If I didn’t already have a handsome hunk of a boyfriend, Louis CK is exactly the type of guy I’d go for. I love redheads—hello, Denis Leary, Billy Mumy, and Prince Harry (even though that’s just wrong)—and I don’t give a crap if a guy is losing his hair. On top of that, Louis CK has a manly body mass index of about 30, which I consider ideal. (I like something to hold on to.) I’m not kidding, he's the perfect male specimen. (Second to Mike, of course.)

Do you ever wonder if you met your celebrity crushes in real life, if they would even like you? That’s one of the things that goes through my mind at work while I should be editing IT documentation. I can tell you right now that I would drive Denis Leary bonkers—he would be begging me to shut the F up—and I’m simply not intelligent enough for Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Billy Bob Thornton’s already had Angelina, so he’d be nothing but horribly disappointed with me.

But Louis CK… I think if he met me in real life, he would actually dig me. Like I wouldn’t drive him nuts or anything; we’d be a perfect couple. We could write comedy together and come up with scathing material about the people who annoy us, which in both of our cases, is just about everyone. I’m ten years older, but he’s said many times that he doesn’t particularly go for the young chicks. (He's single now.)

Hmmm… You know, I’ve called Mike several times in the past couple of days and he still hasn’t gotten back to me. If I don’t hear from him by tonight, would it be terribly bad of me to stalk the performer’s entrance of the Palace?

Just asking.


Hurricane Mikey said...

I love that bit, and it reminds me of a couple of weeks ago I was in line behind an old man at Kroger who decided that he needed to balance his checkbook at that very moment while standing at the register. Had to be done before he would write his check (seriously, who still writes checks anyways--that was enough right there to piss me off!), but he held up the line for a good ten minutes.

Yeah, just like Louis, I wanted him to die right there, too...

I Hate to Weight said...

i'm a total stalker, so sure, go ahead and stalk away.

i think he's really funny too. and i'm a total sucker for redheads. when i was younger, i'd stare at redheaded men and wonder what our babies would look like.

i'm sure louis would love you

Mimi said...

Course he'd love you, you're Linda.

thanks for posting this, he may be politically incorrect etc, but he says what we all think from time to time.
Lol at when he realises he's not wearing the shirt!

K A B L O O E Y said...

That was terrific. Funny guys have that effect on me too. And musicians. Can't say I have a thing for redheads, but then again, I see your point about Denis Leary and Louie CK. Boy, Mike sure came close there, huh?