What I have to say about Chaz Bono and Charlie Sheen (like who cares, but here it is anyway)

So who's watching Dancing with the Stars Monday night? 

I have to confess I've never actually sat through an entire show.  I have watched bits and pieces of it, though, and have viewed the YouTube clip of Cloris Leachman doing a split about a million times. Now there's a role model for me! Nonetheless, if ever a program begged for a Tivo or DVR, allowing you to fast forward through the mindless boring shit, DWTS is second only to the Academy Awards.

One of my many delusions of grandeur--right up there with with lying in state when I die--is to hit it big enough to be on DWTS. I desperately need a good reason to get back in shape, and if dancing on national TV with millions of people worldwide waiting for me to slip and crack my head open isn't reason enough, then I don't know what is.

Anyway, I'm especially intrigued by this season's lineup. What an absolutely brilliant move for them to cast Chaz Bono, huh? Oh, the controversy! Shield your children's precious eyes! Of course, the violence in those friggin' Xbox games is perfectly okay and there's not a 10-year-old on earth who doesn't sneak a glimpse at Family Guy episodes. But we can't expose our children to a dude who used to be a chick--that just crosses the line, right?

Oh, for Christsake.

Let me tell you about my friend Jeremy. When I met him a couple of years ago, he was Jen. Yeah, that's right. Like Chaz Bono and every other person who's undergone gender reassignment, from day one Jeremy never felt his physical body matched his gender identity. Believe me, people, we have no idea what a living hell that type of life would be nor can we grasp the courage required to actually take the steps to right nature's wrong.

God knows Jeremy has a story to tell and I'll be meeting with him in the next couple of weeks to give him some direction on crafting a memoir. He said there's actually a lot of funny things that have happened along the path of his transition and if the one anecdote he shared with me is any indication, he could write a hell of a book. I'm going to see if I can twist his arm into doing a guest post here soon--he's a great guy and I think you'll love him.

So Monday will be a big night on TV. In addition to the DWTS premier, we have the Charlie Sheen roast on Comedy Central. Oh, man, those roasts are hilarious in a guilty pleasure kind of way, don't you think? I'm looking forward to that one.

Did you happen to see Charlie Sheen on Jay Leno the other night? I almost hate to admit it, but there's a part of him I find quite endearing; I have a weakness for those who confront their fuck-ups with full-frontal honesty. And I cracked up when Jay asked if he was dating and Charlie replied with, "Well, Jay, I don't think you'd call what I do dating."

I wouldn't wish the problem of gender confliction on my worst enemy and I feel the same way about addiction. (Hello--did you read my book?) In very different ways, I want both Chaz and Charlie to win.