Look who's 3!

I know, how bored must you be to actually read about someone else's grandchild, but...

Can you believe Hazel, formerly known as The Most Serious Baby on Earth, is 3 years old today? Oh, humor me!  I have to share these pics I stole from Courtney's Facebook page.

She's getting so tall!  But that's no surprise--her parents are 5'10" and 6'2" or so.

This one is my favorite. Look at that sweet little face in the mirror.

I miss her so much, I could fly back to Albany right this instant.

Happy Birthday, my precious girl!  (And thanks to all of you for indulging me.)

A fantastic performance -- thank you, Arlo!

Last Thursday night Mike and I had the pleasure, and I mean pleasure, of seeing Arlo Guthrie perform in Reynolds Hall at the beautiful Smith Center in downtown Las Vegas.

Waiting for the show to begin

I've always been a fan. I remember seeing Alice's Restaurant in the theater when I was barely old enough to go to the movies with a friend and no chaperone.  I loved it. When I was a kid I wished I'd been born several years earlier so I could be a part of the whole peace and love hippie scene.  (Of course, now I'm just as happy that I was born in 1957, not 1947.) I'm always thrilled when in conversation I make a reference to the Group W bench and someone actually understands what I'm talking about.

One of my favorite scenes in the movie is the one where Arlo visits his father, Woody Guthrie, in the hospital. Pete Seeger serenades the folk hero, who is confined to bed and unable to talk or move due to Huntington's disease. (Woody Guthrie is played by Joseph Boley and Arlo's mother, Marjorie Guthrie is played by Sylvia Davis.)  Take a look here. Sitting through the ad in the beginning is worth it.

I'd seen Arlo perform a couple of times before.   Chris (my first husband) and I took our son Christopher to his first concert--Arlo Guthrie and Pete Seeger at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center.. Christopher was about 5 years old, so it had to have been 1983. I remember he wore a little denim jacket and fell asleep before the show was over.  Then several years later Chris and I saw Arlo again with his band, Shenendoah.

He was a wonderful performer back then and has gotten even better over the years.  His show last Thursday night was perfection; I could have listened to his music and his storytelling all night.  

Arlo today

Oh, his storytelling!  What a gift.  His tales were an entertaining musical history lesson that gave us a privileged glimpse into life as the son of a folk icon. I loved hearing that Woody would cut out newspaper articles that gave him inspiration for songs and later remarked to Mike that I'd just gotten the same advice in a comedy workshop as a means of finding inspiration for jokes.

Arlo talked about the earlier segment of the tour when he got to perform with his children and grandchildren--14 of them on stage at once, I believe he said. He relayed a couple of sweet stories about his wife that pulled at my heart. I'd read that she'd passed away in October; Arlo broke the news to the uninformed by saying, "We celebrated our forty-third anniversary last fall. She was sick and didn't live much past then..." and simply continued on. You kind of had to pay attention to catch it; I thought it was a brilliant way to weave in that sad fact.

Lucky in love

As I sat there, I thought of what it must be like to be with someone for 43 years, enjoying a bunch of children and grandchildren together and entertaining people together throughout the country.  As blessed as my life is, that is something I'll probably never have--over four decades with someone. But I consider myself to be extremely lucky that Chris and I always been on such good terms and that I get to see him and our children play music together now and then.  One of the highlights of my life was last summer when I got to headline on the same stage with the Blackwell Sinners.

Blackwell Sinners and friends

A good concert gives you plenty to think about and stays with you long after the performance is over. Man, I'm so glad we decided to go see Arlo. And one of the thoughts that's been going through my mind is, I'm so glad that he's sharing his talent.

So...how are you sharing yours?

Bastard Husband: A Love Story -- FREE this weekend! (and other plugs)

That's right--go download my book, Bastard Husband: A Love Story for free today and tomorrow.  You wouldn't believe how these free promotions translate into real sales for me, and every download really helps!  I have yet to figure out how that crazy Amazon algorithm works; all I know is that when you hit it the right way, sales happen. So help me out and spread the word! 

Other things happening... Tonight I hit the stage at Roadrunner's on West Flamingo and 215. Can't make it because you're in a different state or country?  The show will be streaming live on The Rocking Comedy Show, so tune in!  Show starts at 9:00 (and I hope it really does...) I was a guest on their podcast on April 9; if you scroll down the page, you can listen to the archives.  I'm only about an hour into the show.

Tomorrow night I'll be doing a set at LJ's at 1243 East Sahara. That's an early show--starts at 8:00, which is good because it's a school night and I need my beauty sleep.

And then on Thursday night, I'll be in the all-female lineup at Scoundrel's Pub at 4360 South Decatur. That starts around 9:30, and I've asked to go up first because it's a school night and I need my beauty sleep.

It's good that I'm getting back to comedy--it's been almost two months since I've been on stage and I have a couple of big things coming up in the next two months that I have to be sharp for.  On May 5, I'll be speaking to about 60 women at a Hadassah luncheon (you know me...) and in early June (date TBD) I'll be at the exclusive Cube Theater in a show that will be professionally taped, so I should be able to get some decent footage to share.

Oh, it looks like the archive is up from the in-studio guest spot I did on the Sex and Money show on KLAV.  Click here to listen and scroll down to the April 8 broadcast.

My blogging schedule has sucked lately--you can see why. I apologize about all the self-promotion today.  I'm actually working on a meaningful post, so stay tuned.

 But in the meantime, go download my book!  (Pleeeeeeze!)



  

My brilliant invention and share your talents with the world!

Earlier today I was an in-studio guest on the Sex and Money radio show on KLAV 1230AM here in Las Vegas with Darrell Allen Jansen "Big Al" and Len Connell.  I had great fun!  I've always loved radio. Back in 1976 as an undergrad at SUNY Plattsburgh, I was one of the first female DJs on WPLT. While in grad school in the early 90s I had my own show on WRPI, which I did for about 3 years. Unfortunately, I'm too pretty for radio and too old for HDTV.

Sigh...

As I'm writing this, the show hasn't been archived, but I'm sure it will be soon.  If you want to listen, click here and scroll down.

"Big Al," me, and Len

Notice I'm wearing a sweater; it was freezing in Las Vegas today.  And rainy. And windy. Yet for some reason, my hair doesn't look nearly as crap-tastic as it should have, considering what the wind does to my fragile wisps of locks. Miracle.

Anyway, I have a confession and a fashion tip in one. (Sorry, guys, there's nothing in this for you other than a glimpse into the female psyche.)  Okay, ya see that button on my sweater?  It's not a button; this is one of those sweaters that just hangs open in the front. But the purple shirt I'm wearing was a little tight, meaning my rolls of gut flab were hanging out despite all the hours I've put in at the gym this past month. So being the genius that I am, and in consideration to everyone I came in contact with today, I tacked the front of the sweater together with... not a safety pin, but... a post earring. That's right--a fat gut-hiding earring.  Does it work?  Well, who's the thinnest looking person in the photo above?  Huh?

HOW FREAKING BRILLIANT IS THAT?

I swear to God, I am so much smarter than I look.

Hey, thanks for all the sweet comments on my last post. They're all very much appreciated, but please know I certainly wasn't fishing for "Oh, Linda, you're so wonderful" compliments. The truth is, I need to make a deposit in the karma bank every now and then. You know, to make up for all the swearing and judgmental eye rolling.

I do believe it's important to share your talents with the world; other people benefit when you do that. Barbara's son Keven and maybe a thousand other folks have benefited from the resumes I've written.  I've heard from so many women (and men) who wrote to tell me that my book inspired them to be more proactive in their own lives. When I speak to groups or do stand-up, I like to think that the audience is entertained by my message or inane observations.  I like to think that when I lead workshops, I motivate my clients to go out there and get the best job they possibly can, because they deserve it.

Sharing your talents may not be easy. I didn't just wake up one day and decide to write resumes; I went to grad school to learn technical writing. Even with a solid writing background, it took a lot of hard work to write a book, especially a good one. Until relatively recently, doing stand-up scared the crap out of me.  Any type of public speaking takes countless hours of practice.

So sharing your gifts may require a huge time investment and you may have to go out of your comfort zone.  Weh, weh.  Do it anyway.  By sharing your talents, you have the opportunity to make the world a better place, in your own unique way.  Hey, if I didn't share my amazing earring-button invention, you'd have to hold in your stomach all day.

You're welcome.

The most important resume I've ever written

A couple of weeks ago I posted about how lovely it was to have one of my dear readers and her husband come to our house for dinner during their visit to Las Vegas. I have been lucky enough to have met quite a few readers in person since I started this blog back in July 2008. Without a doubt, my greatest joy in blogging has been being able to see the people who've read my crap year after year in the flesh. I have made friends I hope to have for the rest of my life.

There are still so many I've yet to meet. At the top of my list is my friend Barbara in southern California. For years now, we've been following each other's lives through our blogs and Facebook friendship. Her most recent blog is Surrendering Into Serenity, a chronicle of her life as the mother of a 20-something son named Keven who has had one hell of a struggle with heroin addiction.  

Barbara and I are about the same age--I'm a few years older--and we're both very cool (if I do say so myself), classic rock loving chicks.  But whereas I pretty much flit through life and the most I have to bitch about is the sound of Black Ops emanating from my living room, Barbara's has to deal with her son being in jail or at death's door in ICU.

Fortunately Keven has been doing well for months now.  But when you love--or are in love with--someone struggling with addiction, you know you can never really trust your happiness. You just enjoy those moments that are drama free and hope they last. Fingers crossed.

Like all of Barbara's followers, I've been sending positive energy to her and Keven for years, wishing I could do more. A couple of weeks ago, I got my wish.

Barbara sent me an email.  "I know you're busy... I hate to ask...  I'm wondering...no, I'm asking, if you can please give us some advice on how to write a resume...  Is there any way to make it sound like he's got something to offer?"

Advice on how to write a resume? Um, no. Let me write it. I'm not that freakin' busy.

And so I talked to Keven one day during my lunch, asking him a million questions about his background--what's he's done, what he can do, what he wants to do.  He was sweet and funny. An hour later he had a resume. Barbara wrote to tell me she cried when she saw it.

Within a week or so, Barbara put up a Facebook post announcing, "KEVEN GOT THE JOB! HIS FIRST INTERVIEW EVER AND HE GOT THE JOB!!!!"  Now I was the one crying.  I've heard the expression "It takes a villiage" a million times, but I think this is the first I've actually understood what it meant in the context of my own life. 

Keven's been working about a week now and it's been tough for him, but he's gaining experience. The kid needs a win. I know you're all pulling for him, too, because if he wins, the whole village wins.

Sorry, folks. I'm talking more to myself than to you.

I haven't posted in a week. I hate that. I've never, in the almost 5 years since I've had this blog, gone an entire week without posting.  Bad Linda.

Thanks to everyone who left comments on my last post about male friendships. The differences between men and women are so interesting. And thanks again for all the tech tip comments the previous week.  My "Tech Share" meeting at work went very well!  Thanks for making me look halfway intelligent.

I am digging my job.  Miracle! I know I keep saying that, but it's true.  I'm busy as hell so the day flies by, plus I get to help people. And wouldn't you know, I have more freelance work and personal coaching clients than ever before.

Yes, I am busy as hell. I was thinking that this is the first I've ever been in a super-demanding full-time job and in a relationship at once and man, both really take up a good chunk of your time.  I remember how back in the single days I used to come home from work and fire up my laptop and then settle in for a night of writing. I'd work on my book or my blog or my comedy act or an article I was writing for www.living-las-vegas.com.  Now?  Well, obviously I'm not posting here like I used to and I swear I haven't written anything creatively in ages.  And worst of all, I haven't been on stage in a month.

But wait.  Now I write resumes. A lot of them.  For people who've lost their jobs.  And they are friggin' works of art. My clients are so happy when they see them, which thrills me as well.  And I actually do put a lot of creativity in the resumes I write.

And although I haven't been doing comedy, I'm in front of people leading workshops and facilitating groups, and of course, I inject humor every chance I get.  My clients are learning things and feeling better about themselves.  That's important.

So I guess this is what I should be doing right now.  I'm still being creative and funny, just in a different forum.  And although I never minded living by myself, given the choice, I'd rather come home to a handsome husband and settle in and watch a movie together.  Though I wish I had time to write one.

I want to do so much. But everything has an ebb and flow, you know?  Sometimes I just have to remind myself that the universe unfolds in divine order. I'll do comedy again soon, I'll post more regularly, and I'll write another book.  Maybe two, and a screenplay. Everything in its right time.

*******

This Sunday at 3 p.m. PDT (6:00 EDT) I'll be a guest on my friend Dave Kanyan's "Dumbing it Down With Bob" radio show on WGXC 90.7 in Hudson, NY.  You can listen to a live stream at www.wgxc.org. Dave is a great guy--very entertaining--and I'll try to say something amusing, too.  I don't know if it's a call-in show or not, but if you think of it, give a listen!

I love you, man! Is it hard for guys to make friends with other guys?

Last night Mike and I watched the 2009 film I Love You, Man where Paul Rudd plays a driven real estate agent who, upon his engagement, realizes he has no friends that are men and therefore no one to be the best man at his wedding. He meets Jason Segel, a laid-back slacker, and a bro-mance is in full bloom.

I freakin' love this movie. Paul Rudd is hilarious--so painfully awkward, with a cringe-worthy performance reminiscent of Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents. He's fabulous, and that "Slappin' da bass" scene will make you shoot beer through your nose.

That got me to thinking, why the hell aren't comedic actors recognized at the Oscars?  Comedy is hard to pull off, folks! But no, you need to have a fake accent, a disability, or dress in period clothing (preferably all three) to be even nominated for the statuette. That's such crap.  Did you know Stephen Spielberg spent $250,000 on a campaign to get Bill Murray nominated for Best Leading Actor for What About Bob? (the greatest movie of all time) because he liked his performance so much?  But noooooo. What a bunch of stiffs those Academy members are.

During the movie last night Mike turned to me and said, "It is hard for guys to make new friends with other guys."  I'd never given it much thought, but now I'm like, yeah, I bet it is. Men are always so ultra-sensitive about coming off as gay that they probably feel weird reaching out to other men for the purpose of establishing a friendship. (Which reminds me, Thomas Lennon, the hot pants-wearing cop from Reno 911, has a small, but also hilarious, role in this film as one of Paul Rudd's prospects.)

Back in Albany, my guys friends have all been friends with each other for decades. It's easy to make friends in college; that's the whole purpose of being there.  But as adults it's different. And Albany is not a transient town like Las Vegas, where you don't have long-established relationships. I think of how I reached out to connect with people when I moved here, by myself, almost 10 years ago. The reaching out part wasn't hard for me--I'm pretty much an extrovert. I could say, "Hey, let's get together" to another woman and not think twice about it, and I certainly wouldn't hesitate to connect with someone because she might think I'm a lesbian.

But for guys, yeah, it might be different. Men can't really say to another man, "Wanna meet for coffee?" I guess they could have an extra ticket to a game or something, right?  Is that how it works?

It can't be easy being a guy.  The other day I was in the auto parts store buying a new bulb for my brake light and looking around at the aisles and aisles of manly car paraphernalia I was like, "How on earth do you guys know what all this stuff is for?" Men are amazing! They build skyscrapers and bridges and replace brake lights. You should definitely try to be friends with each other--you're awesome! 

Is it really that hard?

If you visit me, I'll cook* for you

I was bummed that I didn't get to see Hurricane Mikey while he was in town this past weekend. It was my own fault; I just couldn't get it together. But the good news is, the big man is blogging again. That's right--he's back and better than ever, though at 160 pounds lighter, he's nowhere near as big as he used to be. And he has plans. Yep, he has plans...

Tonight I did get to see one of my most loyal readers.  I met Linda and her husband, Bob, for drinks a couple of years ago when they were visiting Vegas and thought they were awesome. They're from the Middle of Freakin' Nowhere, Wisconsin, and have that Midwestern sweetness that is just so endearing.

Here they are tonight in my kitchen.

Oh, hell, yeah--my kitchen!  Usually when readers or other bloggers come to town, I have to meet them somewhere, and it's usually somewhere on the Strip. But these two had a rental car and were willing to come to me, which was just fantastic since, you know, I'm a working girl these days and don't have the kind of time I used to. But even after toiling all day in the office, I still made them a delicious dinner.

Costco does it again!

This stuff is the BOMB! So what that it has a million calories and a billion grams of fat? It's freakin' delicious.  I've been making my own lasagna for decades--literally--and I'm telling you right now:  never again.  Why go through all that layering cheese and noodles when you can stick this in the oven and an hour or so later, you got yourself a meal. Seriously, it's that good.

Do you love Costco or what? Mike and I were there on Sunday. Because we're on a health kick lately (again), we decided to forgo the $1.50 hot dog and Coke special and instead opted to dine at the Costco buffet (if only they could put those little stations a little closer together) and save ourselves three bucks. I tasted a veggie burger and I actually liked it until the woman said it was made with soy. Soy is one of those things I won't eat just because I don't like the sound of it.  I will, however, think nothing of eating a hotdog, which is essentially a tube of pig anuses.

Anyway, Linda and Bob are so nice; I felt a little guilty about not doing a super cleaning for them.  Like the place was certainly presentable, but just between us, 10 minutes before they arrived I was spot cleaning the kitchen floor with a paper towel and a spray bottle of Mr. Clean.

And I didn't feed them dessert, either.

No, I had only two bon bons left in the freezer, which I totally could have offered to them, but then what if they said yes? There would go my bedtime snack! Some hostess. Seriously, these things are the perfect little treat when you're dieting. You know how you feel a little guilty when you're heading back to the freezer for that second bowl of ice cream? Well, at only 60 calories each, you can have two of these and live totally guilt free!

So there you go--two healthy eating tips from me.  Which reminds me, thanks for all the tech tips on my last post. My meeting is tomorrow. I'm going to write up all the tech tips we talk about and post them for you to download.  Fingers crossed it's not a cluster.

Anyway, the bottom line is, if you come to Vegas and don't make me go to the Strip to see you, I will heat something up for you and wipe the stains off the kitchen floor. I can't guarantee dessert, but I will give you beer. Fair enough?

Oh, one more thing. My guests and beloved husband were all talking about Catholic stuff at dinner, and I swear, when I heard the new pope's name, all I could think of was this:

"I'll get you, Pee Wee Herman!"

Come on, I know I'm not the only one.

Please help! Do you have a "tech tip"?

If you're like me (but let's hope you aren't), you're feeling a wee bit overwhelmed by all the available technology out there. I go through phases where I simply can't bear the thought of learning something new and then every once in a while I'll get in the mood to explore a little.  It seems, though, that whenever I discover something interesting, everyone else is like, "Oh, yeah, I've known about that for ages."

So my question is, what am I missing out on now?

I had this brilliant idea to have a "tech share" meeting with my clients at work.  I'm asking everyone to come with a tech tip--a useful app or website or God knows what else--that they think people in general would be interested in.  Something that would make their life easier or more fun.

This is where I need your help.  The meeting is next Wednesday, and I'd like to have an arsenal of cool stuff to show them in case most people come to learn rather than share.  I'm not exactly tech-a-licious myself--I mean, I can get by, but sometimes not without a lot of swearing.

So what do you have for me? What bit of technology would be helpful for almost anyone to know about?

Come on, make me look good!  Alas, I work in a formal business environment and can longer rely on cleavage and short skirts. :(

Sometimes even I'm sick of the sin

You know I absolutely love living in Las Vegas. (Actually, I live in Henderson, but close enough.)  I love the sunshine, the mountains, the fact that I can lie poolside in February... I love that this is what I see on a walk through my neighborhood.

I've made a life here that I never could have dreamed of. Anyone can reinvent themselves in Las Vegas, and as many times as they want. There's no place like it.

But there's definitely a downside. Traffic can be a pain in the ass and the never ending road construction makes it all the worse. I lived in Albany for 43 years and it seemed like there was construction once in a while, but for the most part, when it was done, it was done. I just don't understand why they can't finish things up here.

I don't like that education isn't valued. To be sure, I have a lot of friends who have advanced degrees, but the overall culture here doesn't seem to put education as a high priority. Newscasters don't use proper grammar, though last week I heard Piers Morgan say, "three a.m. in the morning," so I guess I'm rolling my eyes on a national level as well.

But what's really starting to get on my nerves is the "sin" aspect of Sin City.  I love sex as much as the next person--okay, probably much more--but sometimes I look at the giant sign on Bally's or get behind a taxi advertising a row of thonged butts and think, enough already.  I'm sick of looking at tits and asses.

Last Saturday night I was listening to a band in the showroom of a casino that "loves locals" with my girlfriend Donna. Sitting on a banquette sipping drinks before the show, we watched a guy, who I'm gonna say was about 65, come in with a woman on his arm in a super short and super low-cut dress with super high heels. I'd put her somewhere around 45, and she resembled the actress Andie MacDowell.

Well, they sat right next to us and almost immediately started in with the PDA.  Donna and I looked at each other like, really?  At first we thought they were a married couple on their date night, but after a while we thought, who the hell over the age of 16 makes out in public like that?  Any adults with that kind of passion would just get a friggin' room.  And they did. not. stop. for the entire hour and a half the band played, and obviously neither of them could give a shit about the music.  It was like a car wreck that you just had to watch. She was very attentive toward him, rubbing his leg and all, but when the guy would whisper in her ear, she'd glance off with a totally vacant look. "She's working," I said to Donna, who wasn't quite convinced until the guy left to go to the men's room and his babe immediately started pecking away on her cell phone. Probably setting up her 11:00.

Oh, just puke, ya know? They were disgusting. Normally I'd dismiss it with a wave of the hand and "That's Vegas for you," but I really wanted to throw my drink at them.

On February 21, two innocent people, a cab driver and his passenger, were killed on the Las Vegas Strip because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and found themselves in the middle of a war between two pimps. I have a lot a respect for cops--my son-in-law is a New York State trooper--and God knows the Las Vegas Metro police force has their work cut out for them, but for Christsake, I can't drive to work in the morning without seeing commuters pulled over every half mile. That's taking up a lot of manpower, no?

Mostly it's the highway patrol, but the Henderson cops are even worse. In my 27 years of driving in upstate New York, I was pulled over once. Once. Here, in less than 10 years? Five times. Every once in a while when I'm at a party, I'll do a little poll and ask people how many encounters they've had with the Henderson cops.  Nearly everyone has been ticketed at one time or another, and like me, these aren't people who've lived here their whole lives. Mike just had his day in court back in January, and actually won, which is rare.

My point is, do we really need a force of overzealous traffic cops when there should be much bigger fish to fry?  Like are all the rapists and child molesters locked up already?  All the cold case files solved?  I say crack down on prostitution, get these friggin' pimps out of here. Call me a prudish old fart, but I'm getting sick of the sleaziness.

And this is the worst. Longtime readers have heard me talk about my beloved 25-year-old BFF, Joe, whom I used to work with. He's 28 now, but I love that kid and he's one of the funniest people I know. Well, take a look at what happened to his ex-wife, as reported by Channel 8 news. Please, I beg of you to click this link to see our justice system in action, and be sure to check out the judge. Lovely. I'm disgusted.

Why are our public servants not serving the public? And where can we ever go to complain?  This is weight on the scales for why I'm starting to get a bad taste for this place. As wonderful as it is.