Saturday, August 1, 2009

Awards & the Photo of the Week from Linda Land

I’m so honored! I’ve received not one, not two, but three blog awards this week. You know my delusions of grandeur… this is just the preliminaries for when I win the Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar for Bastard Husband: A Love Story. And God forbid I lose, because I swear, I will scowl and fold my arms in front of my chest and 4 billion people worldwide will see me mouth, “F*CK!” No polite fake smiles from this one. Hell, no!

I’ll be sitting with Anne Heche, who will no doubt win Best Actress for her role as moi in BHALS. Perfect casting—I like her because she proves that you can still be famous even if you have crappy hair. And I think she’s a nut in real life. I’m actually rather well balanced compared to her. Of course, Philip Seymour Hoffman is a shoo-in for his portrayal of BH, my Kiwi ex. Aaahhh…

Now back to reality. My new blogging buddy/fellow smart ass Slacker Chick has given me “The Honest Scrap” and “Best Blog” awards, and whacky as hell Peach Tart has honored me a MAJOR award. (I “met” Slacker Chick over at, an excellent site I told you about last week.) I think I’ll do one award today and save the others for next time.

To accept the Honest Scrap award, I’m supposed to tell you 10 things about myself that no one else knows. Seriously? I’m an open book—literally—you people already know everything. Too much, I’m sure! So instead I’m going to break the rules and post the Photo of the Week from Linda Land. I know, I’m not remotely meeting the criterion, but it’s my blog (ha!).

So as if I’m not already in a piss-poor mood on any given weekday morning, I guess I must have left my car door unlocked one night last week because this is what greeted me as I was leaving for work.

Yep, somebody took the opportunity to rifle through my glove box and dump its contents onto my passenger seat. Yep, somebody actually figured there had to be something extremely valuable in a dusty 13-year-old Saturn with the dent in the roof.

Hmm… I can see why they wouldn’t want the hermetically sealed ketchup packet that was so old the ketchup inside actually evaporated. And they probably had no use for the cassette deck cleaner or plastic film container from the pre-digital camera era. But wait… can we get a close-up?

Can you believe they didn’t want my “How to Experience More Love” tape?

Oh, they probably already have their own. Duh.

I did notice two things missing: my remote gate opener and my work badge, which no doubt will end up on eBay once I become a famous author. To steal a line from my soul sister in Missouri, I’m shakin’ my head.

Anyway, I’m going to pass the coveted “Honest Scrap” award on to the most honest blogger I know: Julie of 47 and Starting Over. Did you see her post about her Incredible Hulk meltdown that ended with her ripping her blouse to shreds? God bless her, it doesn’t get any more honest than that!

Congratulations, Julie, and thanks to Slacker Chick and Peach Tart. More awards next time!

Have a great weekend, and be sure to lock your car, even if it's a friggin' 1974 Gremlin.


Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Seriously, you drive a 74 Gremlin? I haven't seen a Gremlin in years!!!

Thanks for the She Writes website. That is really useful info.

I hope your mom had a happy birthday! She looks like a youngster!

They left the ketchup packets and the cassette tape???

Hurricane Mikey said...

Seriously, you drive a 74 Gremlin? I haven't seen a Gremlin in years!!!


Anonymous said...

Hi Linda,
Sad to hear that someone rifled through your car, but I want to hear more about this "How to Experience More Love" tape.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Well, Nancy... when I first got to Las Vegas, I was so freakin' miserable I started trying out all these different spiritual and psychic churches. (All this is in my book.) The tape is a lecture from one of those churches I sampled. Um, it didn't take.

Anonymous said...

"How to Experience More Love"....???

It's simple, just cash your paycheck & follow the signs to Pahrump!

drewzepmeister said...

I've been through this scene a few times myself.You know, the car broken into and the contents everywhere. It's a drag... What blew my mind was someone stole my 1987 Dodge Aries station wagon. The thing was a piece of junk. I guess some people will steal anything these days!

Julie said...

Aw, thanks for the award, darlin! I will cherish it. Yeah that was an honest post of mine...I could only be more truthful if I posted my actual weight in my blog.

Bwahahahahaha...that will never happen except until I have lost all my weight and then I was to astound you all with the reality!

Danica said...

LOL I can't imagine passing up the tape. What gives with that?

evf said...

I wish I had a photo of the movie theater garbage bags that were left ripped open in the back of my pickup a few years ago. So savvy they were, they didn't even notice the passenger side door was unlocked. Smarties.

Anonymous said...

Beware, some scumbag can now open your security gate, and from the envelope they know where you live.

slacker-chick said...

Hey Linda - you certainly deserve many many awards and I'm already looking forward to the movie version of Bastard Husband and seeing you up on the Academy Award stage!

Other Mikey's Julie said...

Hey - if they have your work badge you can't possibly go in to work right? I know - if only it really worked that way.