Awards & the Photo of the Week from Linda Land

I’m so honored! I’ve received not one, not two, but three blog awards this week. You know my delusions of grandeur… this is just the preliminaries for when I win the Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar for Bastard Husband: A Love Story. And God forbid I lose, because I swear, I will scowl and fold my arms in front of my chest and 4 billion people worldwide will see me mouth, “F*CK!” No polite fake smiles from this one. Hell, no!

I’ll be sitting with Anne Heche, who will no doubt win Best Actress for her role as moi in BHALS. Perfect casting—I like her because she proves that you can still be famous even if you have crappy hair. And I think she’s a nut in real life. I’m actually rather well balanced compared to her. Of course, Philip Seymour Hoffman is a shoo-in for his portrayal of BH, my Kiwi ex. Aaahhh…

Now back to reality. My new blogging buddy/fellow smart ass Slacker Chick has given me “The Honest Scrap” and “Best Blog” awards, and whacky as hell Peach Tart has honored me a MAJOR award. (I “met” Slacker Chick over at www.shewrites.com, an excellent site I told you about last week.) I think I’ll do one award today and save the others for next time.

To accept the Honest Scrap award, I’m supposed to tell you 10 things about myself that no one else knows. Seriously? I’m an open book—literally—you people already know everything. Too much, I’m sure! So instead I’m going to break the rules and post the Photo of the Week from Linda Land. I know, I’m not remotely meeting the criterion, but it’s my blog (ha!).

So as if I’m not already in a piss-poor mood on any given weekday morning, I guess I must have left my car door unlocked one night last week because this is what greeted me as I was leaving for work.


Yep, somebody took the opportunity to rifle through my glove box and dump its contents onto my passenger seat. Yep, somebody actually figured there had to be something extremely valuable in a dusty 13-year-old Saturn with the dent in the roof.

Hmm… I can see why they wouldn’t want the hermetically sealed ketchup packet that was so old the ketchup inside actually evaporated. And they probably had no use for the cassette deck cleaner or plastic film container from the pre-digital camera era. But wait… can we get a close-up?


Can you believe they didn’t want my “How to Experience More Love” tape?

Oh, they probably already have their own. Duh.

I did notice two things missing: my remote gate opener and my work badge, which no doubt will end up on eBay once I become a famous author. To steal a line from my soul sister in Missouri, I’m shakin’ my head.

Anyway, I’m going to pass the coveted “Honest Scrap” award on to the most honest blogger I know: Julie of 47 and Starting Over. Did you see her post about her Incredible Hulk meltdown that ended with her ripping her blouse to shreds? God bless her, it doesn’t get any more honest than that!

Congratulations, Julie, and thanks to Slacker Chick and Peach Tart. More awards next time!

Have a great weekend, and be sure to lock your car, even if it's a friggin' 1974 Gremlin.