Tuesday, July 6, 2010

At the movies: Linda Lou strikes again!


I had intended to go to a séance last Friday night (how many blog posts open with that?) but instead I ended up at the movies. I saw a fantastic film, Please Give, written and directed by Nicole Holofcener. I’ve been a big fan of hers since her first movie, Walking and Talking (1996), starring Anne Heche, who I would love to see playing moi in the film version of Bastard Husband: A Love Story. We’re both loons with crappy hair, so the casting would be perfect.

Holofcener’s other movies are Lovely and Amazing (2001) and Friends with Money (2006), with Jennifer Aniston. All very enjoyable, and all feature the wonderful actress Catherine Keener. If you like well written, quiet, slice-of-life, girl-focused stories, I highly recommend any of these.

I love quiet, independent films and lucky for me, they generally attract quiet, polite movie goers. Generally. My decision to see a movie Friday night was spur of the moment, and I entered the theater a minute or so after the feature started. (I hate that.) There were quite a few people in there, so I took the first seat I could find up front on the aisle.

Of course, I had to pick the row with the talkers. Yep, the couple two seats away from me must have thought they were on their living room couch instead of a public movie theater. Deep breath…

Remember how I publicly scolded the couple behind me when I took Connor to see the Karate Kid a few weeks ago? Okay, so I’m sitting there thinking, “What kind of message am I sending out to the universe to attract these rude-ass people?” But for some reason, I didn’t react with my usual, I am going to rip your f*cking head off if you don’t shut up. No, I was perfectly calm throughout the film, determined that I wasn’t going to let anyone ruin it.

I remained perfectly calm as the credits rolled, but when the couple rose and headed toward the aisle, I lifted a 4-inch Vegas heel onto the seat in front of me, blocking their exit from the row.

“Excuse me,” the guy said.

I channeled an attitude from my old substitute teaching days. “You two talked through that whole movie,” I said, still perfectly calm and not even using what my kids call my “snotty voice.”

“Oh, we’re sorry,” he said.

I held out my hand. “Nine dollars.” They gave each other a quizzical look. “That’s what I paid to hear you two talking.”

“We’re sorry,” he said again.

“You can’t talk through movies. That’s not polite. Don’t do that again, okay?”

“Okay,” he said.

I released my foot and let them pass. Then as I walked up the aisle behind them, I realized they… might be…

Retarded.

I honestly don’t know; maybe they were just nerdy.

But just in case, I’m glad I held back from my usual seething self. So I guess the moral of this story is, the world would be a nicer place if we treated everyone as if they were retarded.

6 comments:

Danica said...

Where do you find these people??? I think I would have said something before the movie even started. I'm rude like that though. LOL

Mike Dennis said...

WTG, Linda. It's time somebody let these people know how rude they are. Like the time last year when I raised my voice to a mother in the next booth at a restaurant when her kid was out-of-control-screaming (and the manager came over and backed me up!!).

Anonymous said...

If you wait until the entire movie is over to finally say something, then blocking someone's exit comes off as passive aggressive.

What are you going to do on the day when you gravely miscalculate the "retards'" response to your antics?

It's such a chick thing to think it is her job in the universe to "play teacher" & educate every single "retard" that comes her way.

You wanna know why these people chose not to use manners?
THEY DON'T CARE!
That's the reality of our society today. Your mock shaming isn't teaching them anything.
The best defense it to avoid confrontation with these "retards" & de-escalate the situation, as your physical well-being may just depend on it someday.

K A B L O O E Y said...

Skipping over anonymous's remarks, esp. the ridiculous "chick thing" and word "retards", wait, maybe I'm not skipping over it. Amyway, I wish I'd seen you plant your spike. HA!

Anyway, please go to a seance then write about it -- sure to be priceless.

And I'm also a big Nicole Holofcener and Catherine Keener fan. She makes the kind of movies I was expecting to back in the day when I thought I'd be a writer/director too. Oh well. At least she's doing it.

Other Mikey's Julie said...

Ha! Whether it did any good or not, I LOVE that you said something. Some people truly are just unaware.

"The world would be a nicer place if we treated everyone as if they were retarded." My new favorite quote.

Too bad anonymous obviously couldn't qualify for the police academy - but with charm like that...

Mimi said...

Linda, i'm seriously in stitches here!
I don't think I could have held back for the entire movie, OR had the courage to confront them face to face. No, i'd have been the one going Ssssh!
Which anonymous wouldn't condone either, but if we let people away with it, what happens?