Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Beating hearts

Mom and my sister Lori are still here and so I’m far behind on my required reading, meaning the goings-on of my beloved blogging buddies. However, yesterday I did get a chance to sneak a peek at my BFF Julie’s site, 47 and Starting Over. The title doesn’t quite say it all (she writes about a variety of topics, and well), but it gives you a good idea of the theme of a lot of her posts. I’m not sure how I originally came across Julie’s blog, but having started over myself at 45 a few years ago, I knew it was something I could relate to.

Julie was having a bad day last Sunday, as evidenced in her post entitled “Due to lack of interest, today has been canceled.” In it she says,

“I hate being almost 48 years old and single. I need companionship, and not the kind that you get from girlfriends either. I have plenty of friends and family who love me. I just miss being in love, and having someone love me back. I don't mind being alone, but damn I am lonely.”
Yeah, a lot of us know what you mean.

There’s a line of thinking out there, and I don’t know who’s perpetuating it, that women should be perfectly happy living the Mary Tyler Moore-throwing-our-hats-in-the-air single life. "We don’t need no stinkin’ men" and "We’re responsible for our own happiness," blah, blah, blah…

I have to admit, I’ve accomplished a ton of stuff in the five and a half years since my ex and I split up—I’ve gotten into stand-up comedy, written a book, had a few of my pieces published, became vice president of my writers’ group, and have been quite active in the writing community speaking on panels and at writing conferences. And I’m about 98 percent positive that had we not split up, I wouldn’t have that list of accomplishments. I wouldn’t have had the time or the motivation to accomplish what I have since our split.

That said, let’s get back to the passage from Julie’s blog (and kudos for her full-frontal honesty). I think that no matter how independent we are, how much we’ve accomplished on our own, or whether we’re male or female, most of us would agree that life is richer when shared with someone you love.

In my book, Bastard Husband: A Love Story, I conclude that in the end your heart beats for itself. I still believe that’s true—but given the choice, I think most of us would opt for Bono’s line, “Two hearts beat as one.”

What do you think?


Julie D said...

Have I told you lately that I love you? :)

Yep, my heart would much rather beat in sync with another. My sisters are both always saying to me "Why do you need a man so badly?". I don't "need" a man. But I want one so much I can taste it. I love being in love. I loved being married. I love having my date for Saturday night already secured! I love having someone wrap his arms around me while I'm sleeping, and texting me sweet things out of the clear blue that brighten the hell out of my day.

I can take out the trash, kill the bugs, mow the grass, maintain my car, hire someone to do house maintenance etc. I don't need a new last name, or another income. (although that part of marriage was always nice!) So I don't "need" a man.

I just want someone who loves me back. And has a penis. :)

Debz said...

I love Jules and agree with you on her writing. She speaks from the heart no matter what she's writing about.
I truly wish she could find that "someone" she described.
And the penis would be a bonus.

Anonymous said...

I'm a friend of Julie's so I know where she's coming from. I too wish she could find that special someone. She deserves it. I love her and wish her to find peace and happiness with a man..a partner...a best friend. We all long to be in love and have someone love us back.

Looking forward to keeping up with your blog!

Unknown said...

stopping by from Julies blog to say Hi...
I hope everyone finds the love they are looking for with a penis included in the dealio

WonderMom said...

Yep...I'm another Julie groupie! I read a post the other day about the difference between needing someone and wanting someone. I was married for the longest 5 years of my life to a man that needed me but didn't want me and I swear I'll never do that again! I think we're on the right path acknowledging that we CAN do it on our own...we just want the extras. Here's to all of us finding what we're looking for!

chocolatecovereddaydreams.blogspot.com said...

I agree with Julie. I don't need a man, I want a man. There are just some of us that are meant to spend life as a pair than as a single person.

She is so deserving of a sweep her off of her feet and blow her socks off romantic love...I just know it's on it's way.

Great blog! I'm a writer as well...although I'm not a published one but hopefully, soon.

Julie D said...

Damn, I love you ladies. If I could find a man who thinks like any of you, I'd be the luckiest girl in the world!

Fragrant Liar said...

Wow, that was lovely on everybody's parts.

I have been single for 10 months now, after an eleven-year relationship, and am beginning to miss having a penis, I mean, a man around. I don't really need one either, but it sure would be nice to own one of those suckers (the man, not the penis -- well both). But I want to be sure I get a warranty on the next one so if I need to, I can return him and get my heart back, no questions asked.

Enjoyed your blog.


jill jill bo bill said...

Ok, Jules, I am scheduling my sex change operation for next year. Rick is going to be so pissed...

Anonymous said...
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Unknown said...

great tribute to our Julie! she is a fantastic blogger... everyone who happens upon her, is blessed!


Sandi said...

I love Julie too!

She is going to find love soon and we will all suffer when it happens.

I love her blog and as much as I want her happiness....Damnit I will miss the psycho bachelors she blogs about!

Anonymous said...

Stopping in from Jules site. I like the title of your book. It kinda reminds me of the one I SHOULD have written: KICK HIS ASS TO THE CURB : When It's Appropriate to Wear Really Pointy Toed Shoes.

CarmenSinCity said...

I totally agree that I don't need a man and it's nice to be alone sometimes, but I definitely get lonely too. Tonight, for instance, I'm pretty lonely, but I hopped on Full Tilt, started reading blogs and the first thing I see is that Linda and a lot of other girls are in the same boat that I am. So, it's a good feeling. It's nice to have girlfriends.

Speaking of - girlfriends - Thursday is going to be fun! I'm looking forward to it! It'll be nice to meet Mikey too!

That Janie Girl said...

I'm with Bono. Well, not with him, per se (like he'd hang out with a chunkly little oilpatch queen) but I like the two hearts as one idea.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Wow--what a great response! And a big welcome to all of Julie's faithful readers.

Be on the lookout--I think Hurrican Mikey will soon be giving us the male perspective!

little miss lizzy said...

Dropping in from the UK. I totally loved this post. I started over at 33 and Its taken me a while to get myself back on top. With valentines approaching I feel for my single friends - I dont celebrate it even though I am in a relationship because I think it's a day that makes so many people feel miserable and inadequate. I love your humour - I stumbled in on a search for las vegas and have done nothing for the past hour!
Will be checking out your online shows for sure!

travel girl said...

I crush hard on Jules, way hard!

I love her frankness and writing style. She makes me laugh out loud. I feel I've known her for years and never met her.

Like Jules, I don't need a man either but having a man who truly loves you, gets you and you love him and get him.

Yep that's what I want.

Lilly said...

I have to read your book sometime. Yep, I think two is better than one, no question.

Julie will get what she wants I have no doubt. She is a gorgeous person inside and out because its written all over her blog!

When she leasts expects it, the right one will come onto the scene. I think the hard thing I find is that because I went through such an horrific relationship my boundaries and expectations are almost unrealistic and there is no perosn out there that could meet them. I am not stressing. If its to be its to be and in the mean time I am going to be the best person I can so I am well and truly ready when I bump into the right one. Keep putting yourself out there Jules.

And I will be listening to the show, love your and your sisters readio show!