Okay… you know that TV show Little People, Big World on TLC? It's a reality show about two "little people" who have a family of four kids and one of them, named Zach, is a little person, too. Well, I feel sorry for Zach, but not because he's a dwarf. (By the way, that’s the politically correct term—not midget—even though “dwarf” sounds a hundred times more offensive, don't you think? I saw the little person father on Oprah and he said that midget is the "M word." News to me; I always thought the M word was "marriage.")
Anyway, the reason I feel sorry for Zach is because he's the only kid in the family who, let's face it, can't beat the crap out of his parents. And you know damn well that's exactly what his "traditionally sized" siblings are doing once the cameras stop rolling. I guarantee you, the mom and dad are covered with bruises; you just don't see them because of makeup.
I mean, can you imagine having parents two feet smaller than you?
"Curfew? I think not! Do my homework? No, YOU do my homework. And clean my room while you’re at it or I will drop-kick your ass into the next yard.”Oh, the possibilities...
So anyway, here's my brilliant idea: A reality show that follows a family with Tourette's syndrome. And I don't mean the boring kind of Tourette's with the random tics and annoying grunts and flailing of the head—no, my reality show family uncontrollably blurts obscenities and vulgarities. They have the entertaining kind of Tourette’s.
And here's the twist: Unlike the Little People family where all the kids are normal except one, this show will have only one kid who is normal and we'll feel sorry for that kid because while his brothers and sisters are calling their parents sh*t-head motherf*ckers right to their faces with absolutely no consequences whatsoever, the poor "verbally appropriate" kid has to bite his tongue to the point where, in the season finale, he actually bites it off.
OMG, are you as excited about this as I am?