Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Those 25 things

I’m a little late getting on the “25 Random Things About Me” bandwagon that’s been going around Facebook. My Blogging Buddy Julie and her son, Jordan, were written up in their local newspaper about their participation in this phenomenon. I resisted for a while, but okay, I’ll play along at the risk of boring you to tears. These fascinating facts aren’t worth the screen they’re displayed on, but I’ll try to make it interesting.

1. I am the oldest of five kids spread over 14 years. My mother and the girl next to me in French class were pregnant at the same time.

2. I had two kids when I was 21 and still finished my bachelor’s degree at 23.

3. I have never tried soy, sushi, yogurt, or guacamole simply because I don’t like the sound of them.

4. A few years ago, I came in second place in a pretty feet contest. It was held at a gas station.

5. I’m absolutely helpless. I can’t open a box of pasta without making a mess of it. If I were sitting next to emergency exit of that plane that landed on the Hudson River, everyone would have died.

6. I love men, but I would never, ever want to be one. Unless I were a rock star. Then I’d want to be Neil Young.

7. I have been to the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival 12 times. I’ll be there this year, too. So will Neil Young.

8. I totally admit that I’m a cross between Private Benjamin and Princess & the Pea. How doooo I stay single?

9. This morning I weighed 138.5. The most I weighed when I was pregnant was 139. Not good.

10. Regarding weight, a famous actress once said that as women age, at some point they’ll have to choose between their ass and their face because they’re not going to look good at the same time. I’m choosing my face.

11. From Day One, my mother told me I was soooo smart and soooo beautiful. That's why I have such high self-esteem; I didn't think she was lying.

12. When I was little, I asked my mother if the air was blowing the trees around or if the trees were moving and that’s what made it windy. She answered with, “Jesus Christ, what the hell kind of stupid goddamn question is that?” Maybe I wasn't that smart after all.

13. I have never had a day at work that was better than a day at home.

14. I regularly consult psychics. Prudence, my tarot card reader, is cheaper and more effective than a therapist.

15. I’ve been watching Guiding Light for over 30 years. My sisters and I used to go to NYC for their annual fan club gatherings. So queer! I don’t care--I love my soap.

16. I am easily annoyed. And I have zero patience. But I still think I’m nice as hell.

17. I took ballet lessons on and off into my mid-30’s. I’m so graceful, I could trip over the pattern in the carpet.

18. I have a sister I haven’t spoken to in three years, but I think of her every day.

19. When I meet people, I know I subconsciously give them extra points if they’re Jewish, Canadian, or gay.

20. My life’s purpose came to me one morning when I was meditating. “To help others access, acknowledge and accept their God-given talents and help them share those talents with the rest of the world.” Sounds corny as hell, but I do believe it’s true.

21. I believe in love at first sight. I believe it can happen more than once.

22. Sometimes to motivate myself to clean, I pretend Princess Di and JFK, Jr. came back to life and are coming over for dinner.

23. I am not very materialistic. I’ll prove it—take a look at my living room. And let’s not forget I drive a 13-year-old Saturn.

24. I used to go for younger men. Like at one point I had two kids and a boyfriend all in their 20’s. But in the past few years, I’ve much preferred guys within a couple of years of my own age.

25. I swear to God, I don’t think I’m any worse looking now than when I was younger. The only thing I hate about getting older is that I’m running out of time and I’m afraid I won’t be able to accomplish everything I want.

Yep, of everything that people should know about me, this is what I’m putting out there. Oh, my.


Julie D said...

I love this!!!!! Laughed out loud several times.

I'll be camping on that couch soon...

Sandi said...

Fantastic list! I was cracking up at the extra points for being gay, Jewish or Canadian. I thought I was the only extra point giver! (should gay be capitalized?)

turn off this damn word verification! I can never get it right!!!

Anonymous said...

138 lbs? WOW... that takes me back about 12 years. Stay single.... relationships make you fat, well, at least they make me fat.

~S said...

OMG, you are so funny!

Hurricane Mikey said...

26. I have this weird obsession with keeping men from peeing in my bathroom.

27. Sometimes, when I drink, my voice sounds like a cross between Cyndi Lauper and a 900-sex line operator.

28. I sometimes nag my friends about their writing.

29. Guys always notice my ample bosom first, but my legs are actually my best feature. Which is saying something, because I have a nice rack.

30. I'm waaaay hotter in person than I am in my photos, and people always think I'm younger than I really am.

Debra Lynn Shelton said...

OMG! We have so much more in common than I ever imagined. I have beautiful feet, too! Love your true confessions - they, and you, are simply precious.

KriMonster said...

It's as if Mikey were reading your mind. Hilarious!

Tana said...

Great list. I too had a son early and was able to finish school on time (yes college Linda, geez) Hats off!

travel girl said...

I'm also afraid of running out of time before I have traveled everywhere I want too.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Julie: No, Jules, I have a spare room with a futon and a blow-up mattress just waiting for you and Travel Girl. No couch for you! And you'll have your own bathroom--all you have to do it book the flight!

@ Sandi: So who do you give the extra points to? And you're right about the word verification; I'll be typing away like a 1950's secretary and then I get all spastic looking for the CAPCHA letters. Duh...

@ Blue Ridge Gal: Unfortunately, my BF is going through this annoying health and fitness kick that's making me feel horribly fat and insecure and like I should be spending less time at the keyboard and more time with the Buns of Steel video.

@ Hurricane Mikey:
31. I actually let my BF use my bathroom last Friday night, so you know it's love.

32. Cyndi Lauper??? Ouch! The truth hurts.

33. Have you submitted anything yet?

34. They're real and they're spectacular, courtesy of Victoria Secret technology.

35. I agree--I can totally pass for 50, but I'm really 51.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Debra: I'll let you know when I'll be in Pennsylvania next--I'd love to meet you!

@ T. Anne: You're a therapist or psychologist, right? Um, would I be correct in saying you visit my site because you're doing research for your Ph.D.?

Lilly said...

That was great reading. You are so funny, so kind and so clever all rolled into one amazing lady. I would think of my face before my ass too. That is my theory from hereon in. Sounds like you have an amzing mother too. Now the foods you havent tried are fascinating. I have tried them all and dont much like any of them. I could never understand the appeal of yoghurt. Just do not get it at all.

Bar L. said...

I am totally with you on 6, 21, 23 and half of 24 and 25. (except in six change Neil to Bruce).

It was so fun to read this! You're something else. :)

Bar L. said...

Oh, PS I haven't weighed 138 since I was in my 20's! How tall are you? I'm jealous!

Bar L. said...

One last thing, I promise.

Do you like avocados? I really don't think you can say you've experienced all life has to offer until you at least TRY guacamole!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

I'm 5'4" and 1/2, but I often lie and say I'm 5'5"--same as Jennifer Aniston. (That's about the only thing we have in common.)

Avocados? I think not! I've never tried one; it's another one of those foods I don't like the sound of.

Anonymous said...

OMG - I laughed so hard at the wind/trees question!! Do not doubt the intelligence in that question - my weirdly intelligent 9 year old is always coming up with crazy questions. What made me laugh until I cried was I can't count how many times I have wanted to respond the way your mother did! Thanks for sharing.

Unknown said...

Shows that you were even a thinker when you were a kid. Your mom must've of been so used to your questions and of course, wisdom at such an early age.

Julie invited me along to Vegas as well. I would hate to crash at your place seein you've got just a blow up bed and a stained couch. I'll be checking to see if Bellagio has any rooms.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Chocolate Covered Girlfriend, that's hysterical! LMAO!

Andi said...

I adore you! ... and your living room.

Hugs from Canada!

Fragrant Liar said...

OMG. You are my [evil] twin! You gave away my list. MY LIST.

Now I would forgive you if I had been invited to Vegas Baby with Julie, but no-o-o-o, y'all had to leave me out.

Is it my habitual cussing?

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Come one, come all to Vegas, baby! Fragrant Liar, you wouldn't mind the stained couch, would you?

Andi, stay tuned for "Why I Love Canadians."