Guest blogger: my sister Lori Biker

I have a treat for you today--a guest blogger, my Harley-ridin' sister Lori. As I've mentioned, Lori is a freakin' blast to hang out with and is the funniest person I know. I always tell my friends who haven't met her yet that if they think I'm so funny and outgoing, wait till they meet her. Hey, here she is with Steve Martin--how funny is that???


And so, I give you... Lori Biker!

"I Don’t Retain Anything But Water"

I am in Las Vegas right now with my husband Russ, celebrating our 20th anniversary. We, of course, are staying with my sister. Wouldn’t we want to be alone at this special time? No! Who would want to be alone when they could be with Linda Lou?

Russ tells me the last time we stayed here, just the two of us without the kids, was when we flew here, stayed a night, and then drove Linda to Palm Springs for a comedy conference. Russ was her driver and I was her assistant. It was a blast. Linda told me what year that was, but I forget. Whenever I think of that trip, I immediately remember the reception they had one night for all the comics and their guests. We all stood around talking and at one point Russ turned to throw his cup away. In his peripheral vision he saw what he thought was a trash can but then he realized he was about to throw his cup away on a midget! There he was, cup-to-face with a midget, dwarf, little person--I don’t recall which term is the politically correct one. My point is, we did and saw so many things that trip, and this is the first thing I think of?

It’s funny the stories you remember from things you do. There are so many things that don’t get room in your memory bank at all. There is no way you could remember everything you saw, did or said. Some memories are in the back somewhere and can be pulled up with some work and others are right there up front. There are parts of my screwed-up life that I would like to kick out of my memory to make room for those times when I say, “I hope I never forget this!”

Remember in school, right after the test, all material is forgotten? I still do it as an adult. I have taken CPR at work many times. Each time I learn it, practice it, get tested on it and feel confident. Then I walk out of the room and it is like I walk through a mind eraser. How many blows? How many thrusts? I get a card that says I am certified in CPR but, man, I hope I am with somebody like Russ if anyone ever needs it. He remembers everything!

I wonder why some people remember so much and others don’t? My niece Courtney claims to have memories from when she was almost a baby! It seems they are true memories too, not just memories she has created from hearing stories. There are times when I am not sure if I was really somewhere or if I just heard the story and now I think I was there. Is it really a memory of mine or do I just remember the story?

Sometimes people remember the same things differently than others. Really though, if two people experience the same event or interaction, chances are they will walk away with two stories of what happened. I guess that is interpretation rather than memory. They have done episodes about this on The Brady Bunch, The Odd Couple and other sitcoms.

I hate when people ask me to tell someone a story because I tell stories so well, then as I tell it as I remember it, they correct me the whole way. We were in Las Vegas, no it was in New Orleans, and our bags didn’t make it out of Charlotte, no it was Philly… I guess I don’t tell the story so well! Really, I don’t remember the story in detail, just the gist of it. I went somewhere and my bags didn’t.

Yes, I do remember many wonderful things, like spending time with people I love, especially those who are no longer with me, getting married 20 years ago, and watching my kids grow up. But here is a story that just happened today. Russ and I went to the Fiesta casino to play the slots. I play the penny slots, sometimes the nickels, if I am winning. I almost lost a bunch of money, all relative, and then I won a big bonus and won it all back! I was so psyched. I walked right from that machine over to Russ and told him my exciting story. He asked me what machine I was playing… I sat at that machine for over 30 minutes and felt an intimate connection with it. I pleaded with it, caressed it and thanked it. But I had no clue of anything about it now. I told Russ I couldn’t remember. He just gave me “that look.” He’s been married to me for 20 years now, he knows how I am. I don’t retain anything but water!