Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Ten things that bore the hell out of me but I have to do them, like it or not

Yet another post that’s nothing to be proud of. This is kind of embarrassing, though not as embarrassing as when I walked out of the bathroom and halfway down the hall when I worked at GE with the back of my dress tucked into my underwear.

Here’s my list of 10 things that bore the hell out of me but I have to do them, like it or not:

1. Pumping gas. Boring as hell. There’s nothing to do but stand there like an idiot, right? I get 41 miles to the gallon with my little Saturn, but I’d love my car even more if it had a 200-gallon gas tank.

2. Flossing. I have a pretty good track record when it comes to flossing, but again, it is boring as hell. When I complained to my dental hygienist, she told me to floss while watching TV. I was like, “Excuse me? Do you give that advice to all your patients?” Because I don’t want to go to somebody’s house and wonder if the coffee table I just set my beer down on had a disgusting string of tooth garbage on it minutes before I got there. Pull-eeze.

3. Putting a new roll of toilet paper on the holder. I don’t know why this bores me, and it doesn’t even take much time to do, but I know for a fact that I’m not alone on this because people at work will just set the new roll on top of the cardboard toilet paper skeleton instead of putting it on the holder. Or worse, they'll set it on the floor. Eew-uh! I live by myself and I still put the new roll on the holder. Just because, you know?

4. Waiting for the microwave. Really, how lazy can I get? The microwave is a freakin’ miracle appliance, but without fail I open the door with just 8 seconds to go because suddenly those are the longest 8 seconds of my life and I can’t wait. I just can’t wait.

5. Emptying the dishwasher. Yeah, it’s not like I have to slave over a steaming hot sink in Playtex Living Gloves or anything. Just how hard is it to put the beer glasses and ice cream bowls and cereal bowls away in the cupboard? I'm pathetic.

6. Dying my hair. I find this terribly boring, even though it takes like 5 minutes and then I can go back to watching Family Guy reruns on the couch while I wait for the color to sink into each hair shaft. But talk about a necessity. If I ever go in a coma for more than 3 weeks, I can guarantee you my sister Lori will be there slathering Golden Chestnut 4G all over my head or there will be hell. to. pay. when I wake up.

7. Waiting at the photocopier. Friggin' boring. Maybe it’s because I miss the purple smell of mimeograph (anything for a buzz).

8. Taking laundry out of the dryer. Yeah, life could be much worse--I could be hanging clothes out on the line for all my neighbors to see, or scrubbing them on a washboard down at the creek. But when I hear the dryer stop, I’m like, “Shit. Now I gotta get up and put those damn clothes away,” even though they’re nice and warm and April fresh. Okay, truth be told, if it’s a hot wash with just sheets, towels and underwear, I’ll let it sit in the dryer till I’m damn good and ready to fetch it. Which could be days. But I do have to tend to my collection of Ross Dress-for-Less tops and jeans right away or they’ll need ironing. Which leads me to #9.

9. Ironing. Yes, I know in the olden days my mother used to have to iron sheets and pillowcases and my father’s handkerchiefs, but at least she could do that while watching Guiding Light. Usually when I have to iron it’s because it’s 6:15 a.m. and I have to wear something to work and there’s nothing else clean so I’m in my emergency wrinkled stash. Oh, to stay home and watch soaps all day. Oh, Guiding Light--R.I.P.

10. The whole beautification process. What’s 40 minutes times every goddamn day of my life? The same thing: shampoo, conditioner, razor, contacts, moisturizer, mousse, hairdryer, hairspray, eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, blush, lipstick, earrings, blah, blah, blah, blah, freakin’ blah. That, people, is why I love shower holidays.

So what bores you? DON’T SAY READING MY BLOG!


Caz Wilson said...

I detest ironing!

Out of all the things you've listed, I could quite happily do them all 5 times over rather than iron. But I do iron a lot of stuff just because I like that ironed look and feel. Ugh, I wish there was the dishwasher equivalent to ironing - that'd be amazing!!


Hurricane Mikey said...

I'm guessing that putting oil in the car probably bores the hell out of you too... Heh.

The one task that irritates me is shaving my sexy dome (along with my pretty face). I've been doing it five or more times a week for going on 20 years now, and believe me, if I could rub some sort of potion on my head and face to kill all whiskers and hair, I would, just so that I'd never have to shave again, nor pay usurious prices for razors.

Most people want their hair to grow, and pay a fortune for their vanity. Me, I'd rather not have anything but eyebrows and goatee above the neck. It also pisses me off because I really *do* think about how much extra sleep I could get every day if I didn't have to shave before work.

And while I think the toaster oven takes too long to brown up my English muffin, I have no problem leaving clothes in the dryer or even in the basket on top of the dryer for days on end.

Anonymous said...

I totally floss in front of the TV in my bedroom...naked. LMAO! ROWR

I hate ironing thus I send a lot of clothes to the dry cleaner.

My dishwasher is still full of dishes....two days later. And I'm OCD.

I hate mowing. Thus I hired someone to mow for me.


Other Mikey's Julie said...

I hate waiting for the microwave or toaster and always find something to do to fill the time - which often ends with cold toast sitting in the toaster because one thing led to another and I forgot that I was just killing time waiting for my toast.

My iron is lucky if it comes out once a year!

AmyK said...

When I first read your blog, I thought and though. It seemed like you had covered it all. Then I went grocery shopping. Boring! I hate grocery shopping.I hate rememebering what I do need. I hate thinking about what I will need. Been there. Done that - and it won't go away.

Deborah said...

OH MY GOD! It's downright frightening, lady. Am I on a reality show unbeknownst to me? The dishwasher thing? Fuhget about it! I just dread the thought of bending down to the bottom rack...ugh! My ultimate fave is the photocopier one where you mention mimeograph. Shit, who the hell remembers mimeograph but us? Do you remember when the teacher passed them out, the mimeographed tests, with their sketchy purply ink? The first thing we all did (in tandem, I might add), was to raise them like a golden chalice and SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF that ink. Oh, how I miss those days.
Great post, girlie. Thanks for the memory!
Much Love,

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Jazzy: I'm sure if there were a dishwasher equivalent to ironing, I'd still find something to complain about!

@ Mikey: Poor you and all other guys. Shaving your head/face must be a drag. But then again, you don't have to put up with 40 years of periods.

@ Danica: Mowing? Hell, no. That's boys' work.

@ Other Julie: I totally know what you mean about the toast. So. freakin. long.

@ Amy: The only reason to bother with a grocery store is to pick up more beer and ice cream. Then I don't mind, because it's worth it.

@ Deborah: OMG, I can remember not wanting to give up the mimeographs--I could have sniffed them all day! Man, we're a couple of old broads.

Mike Dennis said...

Ironing? I used to date a girl who ironed her sheets, towels, and underwear!!! And she could not be torn away from that ironing board (or is it bored) during this critical process.

Near the top of my list would certainly be this: waiting on hold for some tech support person after having plowed through four or five recorded menus, hoping I don't get cut off. Of course, while I'm waiting, a recording comes on every 15 seconds saying, "Your call is important to us." Right. But apparently not important enough so as to compel them to actually answer the phone!

Hurricane Mikey said...

Um, Linda... You are mistaken. We fellas *also* have to put up with forty years of periods...

Stephanie said...

Hee hee, Shower holidays.
Drying my hair bores the hell out of me....it takes forever!

Jamie in PA said...

I am 47 y/o...and I got my mom ironing my clothes. She LOVES to iron!! HEEHEE!! She'll pop in while I am sleeping and iron up a pile of stuff while watching shows on my big TV. I work nights. As long as I have diet Coke in the fridge and a Rowenta iron I have it made!! It drives her nuts knowing i have a big stack of stuff to be ironed. I did try to get her to stop but she won't. But I hate to dust. It just comes back anyway.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Mike Dennis: Yes! Phone tree hell is miserable. Press zero, press zero!

@ Mikey: You're too funny. And yes, changing the oil would definitely be on my list. If I ever did it!

@ MM: Oh, WEH! It takes too long to dry your hair? WEH! Believe me, if you had fine, thin, crappy hair like mine that takes about 10 seconds to dry, you wouldn't mind it taking so long!

@ Jamie: Mom's trained well--nice. And you're right about dusting. Same goes for vacuuming.

Julie D said...

Wait....you iron? When I was there and I ironed, I had to knock the dust off the ironing board! LOL

I agree, blow drying bores me.

Andi said...

I agree with every single one (although I have to admit, I don't really know where my ironing board is. Or the vacuum cleaner, for that matter.)

linda said...

All of those things you have listed - but I do still iron sheets and pillow cases.

The last one, about getting beautiful, is my biggest gripe. I wake up and think - oh great, here I go again. But then I finish and think it is worth the effort.