Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Why wouldn't you put as much effort into finding love as you would to find a job?

I have no idea how Chaz Bono did or how funny Charlie Sheen’s roast was last night—as of this writing, I haven’t even looked to see if my Facebook friends have weighed in. I was hanging out at the Alexis Park showroom, taking in the opening night of the World Series of Comedy, which is going on all week. My buddy Joe Lowers is the mastermind behind this event, so I’ll be helping him out as well as attending some comedy seminars. There’s no end to my busy-ness, and I know I have to start saying no to some things, but I definitely want in on this. As Warren Zevon said, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

Anyway, today I wanted to talk about love. Yes, love, people! Like me, one of my best girlfriends is crazy in love, and no matter how our conversation starts, inevitably we end up gushing about how great it is to be in a relationship and how—despite what 70s-era feminism would have us believe—life is so, so much better when you’re sharing it with someone who is nothing short of amazing.

I’ve said recently that if you wake up in the morning, can see your image in the mirror and can take a proper piss and shit, then already it’s a good day and you have nothing to complain about. There are a couple of other essential blocks of life that my BFF and I feel should be in place as well. One is having a source of income that’s adequate for an enjoyable lifestyle. The other is having a loving partner.

They’re both important, but at the end of life, I can tell you I’m not going to look back and think, “Oh man, I created some beautiful technical documentation.” An income feeds your stomach; a loving partner feeds your soul. Yet we’re conditioned to believe that a loving partner is a “nice to have” rather than a component as equally essential.

If you didn’t have a source of income, you’d work like hell to find a way to get some money coming in, right? You’d be scrutinizing Indeed.com, contacting everyone in your network to uncover leads, and sending out resumes with the hope that you’ll find the perfect match for your skills and marketable talents.

But we’re not as proactive when it comes to finding the perfect match for our love lives; we kind of just wait for someone to come our way. Can you imagine if you took that approach to your job search? “I’ll just wait around. Surely the perfect job opportunity will present itself to me by sheer chance.” You’d freakin’ starve! And so a lot of people are starving in the intimacy department because they’re simply not making the effort to find someone. That’s sad.

If you want to find a partner, you have to put yourself out there. Browse through Meetup.com and look for a group of like-minded folks. Post a sincere profile on an online dating site—make it funny and I guarantee you’ll get attention. (I could start a cottage industry offering that as a service.) Get the hell out of the house, and don’t be afraid to do something you enjoy by yourself. Go to the movies or a comedy club. Check out the events at your local library. Go out and support live music or a poetry reading at your neighborhood coffee shop. Just get yourself in circulation.

As you know, I’m conducting a job search now. Every single day I do something to achieve my goal of finding a rewarding position. Similarly, if you’re looking for love, you, too, should take action every single day.

If finding a love interest is important to you, then put some energy behind that goal. Make it a priority. Why wouldn’t you?


Dangerous Linda said...

I agree with you! Why is it so politically incorrect for women to act like they really, really want an intimate love partner?

Recently, I ran into an old acquaintance at a big function. We met years ago in sort of a "master-mind" group where everybody shared our goals and supported each other in achieving those goals. When I announced my goal of finding "a monogamous, intimate, committed relationship" she said I was "male dependent".

So, I run into her all these years later at this party and guess who's all by herself and guess who's surrounded by friends with the love of my life on my arm?

If this is "male dependency" then the next question is, "Why would I want to be cured?"

Debbie said...


Until I met my hubby I HATED dating, and met a multitude of idiots who were emotionally unavailable and weird. I was never a man magnet ... and truthfully, if I ever lost my hubby I'D NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN! And I mean that in a good way.


ok - will be in las vegas this weekend. Already know you're going to be doing comedy Friday night at Cozy's (because I'ma stalker) ... SOOOO, maybe we'll go see you!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Dangerous Linda: I love your name and I love your comment even more. "Male dependent"--really? And as weak-sounding it seems for women to admit they'd like a committed relationship, can you imagine what it must be like for men? Jeez.

@ Debbie: Yeah, I've said that I'll never get married again, too. Never, never, never. Let's see how long that lasts...

Anonymous said...

I fell for the "love will find you when you stop looking" line so stopped putting myself out there. Result? Alone for nearly 20 years. Took the attitude that you just described, and treated looking for love like a job search. One year later I found great match for me and we're still together a year later. I always thought I had a good life and didn't "need" a man. But adding love to my life has kicked up everything to a brand new level.

Julie D said...

Not sure if I'm the BFF you're referring to or not, but as you know I'm madly in love, and what...wait...oh that's right you get to meet him TOMORROW. Woohooooooo!

Liz said...

I think part of the problem is that many people hate to or afraid to do things alone. I was like that until I went to college. I figured out then that my friends didn't have the same schedule as I did so I was on my own for a lot of stuff (eating, movies etc.). I never looked back and eventhough I have a great husband and lots of friends, I do lots of things by myself and chat with people all around me (except at the movies!!).

I'm one of the "lucky" ones that didn't have to work hard. I met my hubby while we were both working part time in a grocery store (22 years ago). We became good friends and the rest is history!!

The whole "male dependent" thing is a joke. What's wrong with being in love with someone in a relationship? I'm glad Dangerous Linda didn't listen to that dribble!!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Anonymous: Oh, yes, the old "love will find you when you stop looking" line. Delightful. I'm glad you found love--finally! I couldn't agree more with everything you said.

@ Julie: TOMORROW, sister!

@ Liz: I really wish people wouldn't be so fearful of doing things alone. You're much more apt to strike up a conversation with someone when you're by yourself than when you're with someone else. I think people are afraid they're going to look like losers sitting by themselves. Au contraire! You look much more confident and in control, which makes you all the more appealing.