Tuesday, December 16, 2008

How we see ourselves vs. how they see us

I think about 95 percent of my readers are women, and though this post is directed to the gals, you guys out there are encouraged to comment as well.

Last time I talked about the importance of worshipping a love interest and being worshipped as well. Corny shit, maybe, but I think there's something to it, and part of that whole worshipping thing means being able to look at each other and see nothing but perfection.

This is something I know I'm capable of; I can look at a beloved and, I swear, see only perfection. But I think it's easier for women to view someone else that way than see ourselves in that light.

For example, here are just a few of the imperfections I see when I look at this picture taken last summer at a comedy gig:

But when someone worships the ground I walk on, this is what he sees:

So ladies, is it just me or are we all so critical of ourselves? And why? Is it because of the media? Are we trying to compare ourselves to images of airbrushed models half our age? (I'm 51, for Christsake!) And why do we allow ourselves to erode our own self-image like this?

And guys, is this just a girl thing or do you, too, get hard on yourself? (Sorry, I should know better than to phrase a question to men using the words "hard on.") (Left myself open for that one.) (Not literally.)

Anyway,what do you think?


Julie D said...

I nust worship you because I saw all those things in the 2nd picture and nothing in the first!

I just pray I look that good in 4 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bar L. said...

First of all I think your funny (hard-on statement) and also quite astute at understanding human nature.

I think woman are MUCH harder on themselves than men are. When I look at you I see a very attractive woman (if we were in the same room I'd be a bit jealous and may view you as competition).

I think the media plays a large part in this. I've actually done some research and was appalled to learn of how many young girls (age 10, 11 for example) were already worried about their looks and hoping they would not NEED breast implants or botox...starving themselves to be thin, etc. Its insane.

For me personally, I was told by importnant people in my life that I was "not good enough" and called "Pig" when I weighted 130 lbs (at 5'7"). So I look in the mirror and am appalled. I can say "I like my eyes, my smile, my skin, my cleavage, my legs) but if I put the whole package together I see "ugly, fat".

I know men who are very self-conscious about hair loss and then of course some of them spend way too much time worrying about penis size (which does matter...in my opinion...but the ones who think they are small are usually average and average is fine).

I love your posts. I want to do a post on you. I have it brewing in my mind....

Hurricane Mikey said...

Speaking as a member of the male species, we pretty much don't get past the 'cleavage' and 'beer' parts.

If a guy is talking to you, he finds you attractive enough. Y'all are way too hard on yourselves.

Todd said...

I have participated in endless debates about this very thing. Women are unbelievably harsh on themselves. Not too much on each other although we all have our catty moments. I have sat through litanies of defects I honestly can't see as they are being pointed out to me and with my glasses on my eyesight's pretty good.

My slight tangent to this conversation is this: I think that somehow the guy who says he wants precisely this waist or hips or hair or bustline gets applied to the male populace at large and I'm just not sure that guy exists.

I think most guys would respond to this question:
"What are the physical attributes you look for in a woman?"
With some variation of this answer:
"I like the boobs I can see and touch, a butt that likes to sit on my lap, hair I can run my fingers through and legs that can intertwine with mine on a cold winters night"

Vegas Linda Lou said...

@ Julie: Thank you! (Will you marry me?)

@ Barbara: You were called "Pig" at 5'7" and 130 lbs??? Fuck that, sister--that whole package must be awesome.

@ Hurricane Mikey and Todd: You guys prove that women are way too hard on themselves and men pretty much want the basics. I think most gals agree that women dress for other women, which seems a lot harder than presenting ourselves for men.

Thanks for all your comments!

Dawn Marie said...

Hello! I found you from Lilly's blog! What got me was your name...I'm Dawn from Wisconsin. The last two Mays baldyman (husband) and I have driven to Las Vegas for our vacation. I fell in love with it and cant wait to come again in May...yes we drive and we love it. I met an online lady friend there each time and she had us for dinner. GREAT!

I LOVE Las Vegas..cant wait to come back..hopefully this time I can actually do some shopping.

by the way--i'm 50 and yes I'm critical of myself, but I"m also very confident of myself and truly have no right to be...i'm old, fat and the hottie days are long gone.

CarmenSinCity said...

ha ha - I love this post! I am VERY hard on myself. I see all of the flaws in myself and I hope others don't judge me the way I judge myself. That would suck!

Lilly said...

What a great post! Loved the way you presented this. I think woman are harsh on each other and themselves. I honestly believe we sit in judgement about each other. Aging also affects us in ways it does not affect men. Its true. There is a lot tied up in it for us. And we also have to go through menopause in all its phases for 15 bloody years as well..

I personally loved Todd's last paragraph in his comment. Except if you asked him whether he would prefer to tangle his legs with a 25year old or a 50 year old I wonder what he would say?

I have been thinking aobut this a lot lately after going to Thailand and seeing loads of 40 -100 year old men arm in arm with 16 year old Thai girls. They were everywhere. Why do I find something wrong with that? Is it me? Am I jealous?

Anyway, I just try and look as healthy as I can because no amount of head butting against a wall is going to change a thing. Age happens!! I did a blog post a few days ago about my experiences at the makeup counter - women over 35 shouldnt go to those places....its bad for your morale and self esteem..

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Todd is an amazing guy--very funny and down to earth. As far as what age he would prefer, I'd have to say he'd probably go for the 25-year-old, but only because he's only in his early 30's himself. That said, I'd bet my last dime he'd appreciate the legs of an attractive 50-year-old as well; the young guys here in Vegas (for the most part) are not at all age-ist. To their credit! It's the older men whose insecurities are threatened that want the young chickies.

Now as far as those old coots going to Thailand to satisify their egos with 16-year-old girls... pathetic. Yuk.

travel girl said...

I agree with Jules. You look fabulous!!

We are our own worse critics and it's usually shit other don't see.

Anonymous said...

You got nothin' to complain about! And yeah, I'm pretty hard on myself too.

linda said...

I get my husband to take a full length photo of me so that I can see I look okay. This is because what I see in the mirror is different to what others see. I zero in on the flaws and just say fat, fat, fat etc. Although, I am much better with self esteem now as I get older. Which is rather odd considering that as you get older you kind of go downhill.