Saturday, December 13, 2008

Two conditions for a successful relationship

When I was a kid, I thought that before a judge grants a divorce, he or she should make the couple kiss one last time, for maybe that one last kiss would spark some sort of renewed appreciation for each other. Maybe the couple would then decide to call off the divorce proceedings and go back home and live happily ever after.

Wasn’t I cute?

I’ve been thinking about relationships a lot lately. My friend Deb once made a casual comment that may truly hold the secret to lasting romantic relationships. She said there are two conditions that must be met:

1) The person must "get" you.
2) The person must worship the ground you walk on.

As soon as the words left her mouth, I could determine precisely what went wrong in each of my marriages. I "got" what my first husband was all about—meaning I understood his values, what was important to him and why—but slacked off on the worshipping. He left me for another woman, but who could blame him for wanting to be with someone who could do both? I'd make no such mistake with my second husband, who understood me well enough, but was too absorbed in his own trip that he couldn’t possibly reciprocate in the worshipping department.

This whole worshipping concept may sound terribly antiquated, but I'm convinced it has to be in place. I think women who came of age in the 70’s, like me, got the impression that we shouldn’t have to worship any stinkin’ man, and some men still carry the belief that they’re above worshipping a woman. I bet those lines of thinking messed up a lot of marriages. Really, isn’t it the greatest feeling on earth to be so into someone that it’s an absolute JOY to worship them? And how many times in your life do you meet a person you totally, totally dig?

Think of the relationship you’re in right now. If you’re unhappy, I’ll bet you anything one of these conditions is out of whack. If you’re happy, no doubt they’re in place.

So now as an adult, I think that before granting a marriage license, a judge should ask the couple those two key questions:

1) Do you “get” this man/woman?
2) Do you worship the ground he/she walks on?

If the answers are “yes” all around, then the couple can kiss and get married and live happily ever after. Simple as that.


Julie D said...

Amen to that, sister! Ironically, I thought I "got" my husband, until after the wedding...when he dropped the facade and the true him came to light! Some of his actions, his motivations, and what he considered his principals...I frankly didn't get at all. And he never worshipped me, or if he did that all went out the window when he checked into a motel with another woman.

But these are two good things to remember next time!!

travel girl said...

Is it really this simple? I think you are right. The hard part is finding the person you totally dig.

And the person who totally digs you in return.

I love when you said"isn't the greastest feeling on earth to be so into someone that it's an absolute JOY to worship them."
Oh yes it is.

I've had this privilege once in my life and I hope for a second.

Bar L. said...

This is brilliant. Your friend Deb has capsulized what I've been trying to put into words for years. I have never found a man that both got me and worshiped me or visa versa.

Sigh. The problem I have these days is meeting a guy that lives within driving distance.

I'm so glad you wrote about this.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

I agree--the hardest part is finding someone you totally dig, and who feels the same about you. I also think that the older we get, the more discriminating we get; at this age, I have a much clearer sense of what works and doesn't work for me. That narrows the field, to be sure, but we're also not wasting people's time pursuing a relationship that's destined not to lead to anything satisfying. said...

I'm here from Julie's blog. I have to agree with you. After the divorce and now dating again, I realize that my ex got me and still gets me more than I think my Boo gets me. I think it's because my ex and I spent 21 years married and almost four before we were married so we grew to ignore quirks and habits. We got each other's jokes. Unfortunately, it wasn't a joke when he cheated.

I love my Boo but I am having an issue with whether he gets me. I have even said that to him..."You don't get me, do you?"

Thanks for putting it in words that I got!!!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Oh, yikes.

It's equally important that he get you. I once had a boyfriend who worshipped me to no end, but couldn't understand why I'd bother to write a book when people would really want to just see the movie.

He didn't get my writing world at all--he thought it was a nice little hobby, and when I'd talk about querying agents, he'd say something like, "I just don't want to see you get hurt."

If your man doesn't "get" you and support your aspirations--however big they are--I'm afraid he just won't be there for you in the way someone else might be.

Thanks for checking out my blog!

CarmenSinCity said...

Usually the ones I worship don't worship me back and vice versa. I guess if both of those components were in place I'd have a great relationship. but, for now, I guess I'll just worship myself :)

Tasha said...

Haha! Good rules. I dont think I worshiped the ground Matt walked on when we got married, but I certainly do now. He's like good cheese- he just gets better with age. Leave it to me to refer to my husband as food. :P

Oh, and btw- I am a TOTAL dark beer girl! I hate Coors's like pee! I was trying to think of a good (gross) dive-bar beer while I was talking to Snake. Heehee

Thanks for the comments! I love em!