When I was a kid, I thought that before a judge grants a divorce, he or she should make the couple kiss one last time, for maybe that one last kiss would spark some sort of renewed appreciation for each other. Maybe the couple would then decide to call off the divorce proceedings and go back home and live happily ever after.
Wasn’t I cute?
I’ve been thinking about relationships a lot lately. My friend Deb once made a casual comment that may truly hold the secret to lasting romantic relationships. She said there are two conditions that must be met:
1) The person must "get" you.
2) The person must worship the ground you walk on.
As soon as the words left her mouth, I could determine precisely what went wrong in each of my marriages. I "got" what my first husband was all about—meaning I understood his values, what was important to him and why—but slacked off on the worshipping. He left me for another woman, but who could blame him for wanting to be with someone who could do both? I'd make no such mistake with my second husband, who understood me well enough, but was too absorbed in his own trip that he couldn’t possibly reciprocate in the worshipping department.
This whole worshipping concept may sound terribly antiquated, but I'm convinced it has to be in place. I think women who came of age in the 70’s, like me, got the impression that we shouldn’t have to worship any stinkin’ man, and some men still carry the belief that they’re above worshipping a woman. I bet those lines of thinking messed up a lot of marriages. Really, isn’t it the greatest feeling on earth to be so into someone that it’s an absolute JOY to worship them? And how many times in your life do you meet a person you totally, totally dig?
Think of the relationship you’re in right now. If you’re unhappy, I’ll bet you anything one of these conditions is out of whack. If you’re happy, no doubt they’re in place.
So now as an adult, I think that before granting a marriage license, a judge should ask the couple those two key questions:
1) Do you “get” this man/woman?
2) Do you worship the ground he/she walks on?
If the answers are “yes” all around, then the couple can kiss and get married and live happily ever after. Simple as that.