Thursday, February 11, 2010

7 things you should NEVER say to single people, especially around Valentine’s Day

Ever since back in 1968 when I witnessed my mother hurling a box of Whitman chocolates across the dining table, I’ve known Valentine’s Day was a crock. And from the looks of this post from last week, you all know it, too.

V-Day is especially tough for single people. Yes, this year I’m in a relationship (and I was last year, too) and God willing, Mike is the last one for me. Sure, sometimes I swear he rides the short bus to his Mensa meetings and more than once I’ve seriously wanted to kill him, but he is really cute and I’m crazy about him, so blah, blah, blah, you know?

That said, since my first husband and I split up in 1994, I’ve been in a relationship for a total of six Valentine’s Days—this will be my second with Mike, I had three with Bastard Husband, and one with my old boyfriend Tim. That means I’ve experienced eleven as a single gal.

As many of you know, people say the stupidest goddamn things to single people. Here’s a list of my favorites, and by “favorites” I mean do not ever let these words roll off your tongue or I will march right over to your house and kick your ass.

1. “I wish you could find someone nice.” OMG, that’s f*cking brilliant! Hold on, let me write that down.

2. “You know what they say--you gotta kiss a lot of frogs.” Why don’t you just say, “Holy shit, you sure know how to pick a bunch of losers” because that’s essentially what you’re getting at.

3. “I hate to see you by yourself.” No, you hate the thought of YOU being by yourself. Don’t project your insecurities onto someone who happens to be going solo.

4. “You’d think a good-looking woman like you would have no problem finding someone.” Hmm… maybe I should look behind the couch.

5. “You’re too picky.” Oh, right—I haven’t met my frog quota yet.

6. “You’re trying too hard to meet someone. When it’s right it will just happen.” Okay, go get me something to hit you with.

And by far, the most annoying:

7. “Maybe you’re just meant to have some time alone.” Single people spend WAY too much time alone—the last thing they need to hear is this bullshit.

What did I miss? Anything you want to add?


Carol said...

Spot on!!

Carol :)

raydenzel1 said...

let's see
1. picky
2. frogs
3. frog quota
4. good looking
5. quality time

Nope, can't add a thing.

Debra Lynn Shelton said...

Why don't you join us for Valentine's Day dinner? I mean, it's no big deal, it's just dinner, right? You shouldn't feel weird about that. ;-)

Perplexio said...

While #7 should never be said, sometimes it is true. Meaning I think it's a good idea to take some alone time after a relationship ends. Whether it's just to heal, or to "re-discover yourself", or to expunge the demons from the recently ended relationship.

Which is why #7 should NEVER be said because if someone is single for the right reasons on Valentine's Day, chances are it means he/she just had his/her heart put through the wringer right before V-Day. And the last thing they need is a well-meaning but ill-advised comment to remind them of that.

Great post!

Perplexio said...

PS: Regarding Valentine's Day, there actually is another Hallmark Holiday that's an even bigger crock... "Sweetest Day", I'd never heard of it growing up out east. The first mention I heard was in college in Michigan. I believe it's pretty much a Midwestern thing. It falls in October, it's for all those May-December romances that end before the couple gets a chance to celebrate V-Day. All of the girls I've dated have thought it was a total crock and refused to acknowledge it. THANK GOD!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Perplexio, you're absolutely right that it's often best for people to spend some time alone, especially after a difficult break-up. I wouldn't have written a book had I not had alone time, and I probably never would have gotten into stand-up, either. And you're right again by saying such a sentiment should never be verbalized. And you're right a third time--people really are well-intentioned, but yikes, keep it to yourself.

Ed & Jeanne said...

How about..."the world's already overpopulated, I'm glad you're doing your part"

Anonymous said...

LOL Love it! I remember my single days...some days were great some not so great.

Fragrant Liar said...

I'm alone this V-Day, and I am totally happy about it. It is a little too saccarine for my tastes, even when I am in a relationship.

I get the occasional pity party thrown on me. As in: "What? You're going to be alone? Oh no! We can't have that! Well, are you going to be alright?"

Good gawd! I WAS going to be alright till you made me wonder if I should be unhappy about it! WTF? Go back to your pretend holiday and let me be happy, for christ's sake...

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Oh, Liar Girl, I couldn't agree more! There's nothing worse than that projection of pity.

Julie D said...

Oh sweet Jesus. My sister said every one of those things to me yesterday.

Medic! I need a vodka IV!

Bar L. said...

Great post. Can you believe how stupid some people are? Number 6 is the one that ticks me off the most.

gayle said...

As I was reading this a thought came in my head (yes they do) should go on the View to promo your book...maybe you have already and I missed it.

Omg I think I have said #1 to my oldest daughter...I will never say it again..promise!!

Sean Coleman said...

That list is priceless.

Many of the events that we circle on our calendars are just little bookmarks in our yearly novel. Valentines for kids is just fun (arts and crafts), though the waters get murkier when we grow older.

I try to follow a policy of treating people well all year round. I don't always succeed, but the intention is there. Guilt drives many people to atone for their general bad behavior in relationships. Card shops, florists, restaurant owners (the hospitality industry in general) all reap the benefits on Feb 14th.

It's win-win :)

Today is "Family Day" in Ontario. Which means a four day work week. I generally can get behind the events that give you an extra day off from work.

Lisa Gioia-Acres said...

Whew! Thank God I've never uttered a one of those things.