Well, what do you know… my blogging BFF Julie over at 47 and Starting Over has named me for the Sexy Blogger Award!
I can’t even begin to feign surprise because the truth is, had it not come my way, I would have been Pissed. As. Hell. Now, there are a lot of things that clearly I am not: tactful, soft-spoken, politically correct… But I will be the first to tell you, I am freakin’ sexy.
In order to accept this award, I must list Five Sexy Things About Me. Only five? Seriously?
Let’s start by getting the obvious out of the way:
1. I have a fantastic rack. Yes, it’s all rigged up with underwires and so much padding you wouldn’t know I was cold if I lived in Antarctica. Doesn’t matter. God invented Victoria Secret technology for a reason: to keep America beautiful. Plus remember, I live in Las Vegas. I gotta have a nice rack; it’s the law.
2. I have a nice smile. Can't you tell I’m a freakin' blast to have around just by looking at me? I exude fun! And fun is sexy.
3. I strut my stuff. Everyone teases me about my runway model walk, but I can’t help it—that’s what years of ballet and yoga will do. This is funny—when I first came to Vegas, I signed up to be a hospice volunteer. One day the old biddy chaplain complained to the volunteer coordinator that I “sashay” around and that I was too sexy for the hospice! She actually said that the wives of the patients wouldn’t appreciate my being near their dying husbands. True story—further details in my book. (Why write fiction when real life is so fascinating?)
But as I’ve said a million times, when you have good posture, you walk with confidence. And confidence—like a nice smile and a fantastic rack—is sexy.
4. I have great legs. Having decent legs is pretty much a gift from God. Sure, you can exercise to tone them up, but for the most part either you’ve got ‘em or you don’t. I figure any loving God would have to give me shapely legs to make up for the crappy hair. It’s only fair.
5. I drive a sexy car. Let’s face it; nothing says, “Come and get me” more than a dusty 13-year-old Saturn with a dented roof. Hey, look—earlier this week I hit 199,500!
Only 500 miles to 200K! I am so going to the car wash on the big day! And I’m getting the works. Yes, I know—the Service Engine Soon light is on. Usually I cover that with masking tape, but it must have fallen off.
So there you go, sexy blog readers. And now I must pass this on to some other sexy bloggers. (My little sexpot friend Sarah (408 Down) should lead the list, but sweetie, you've gotta keep up with your blogging.)
The first two are hot Aussie chicks Lilly (Lilly’s Life) and Linda (Linda and her Twaddle). You just know they have cool, sexy accents. Extra points for that. Linda’s the one who wrote about how she once blew a snot bubble on a job interview (still cracking me up), which I know does not sound sexy, but she’s posted pictures of herself and she totally looks smokin’.
I met Debbie Schubert (Write on Target) last month up in Philly and man, she has the body I would have if I actually did Buns of Steel every friggin’ day like I promised a couple of weeks ago. (Don’t ask.) (Really, don’t.)
And speaking of incredible bods, Carmen (Poker Girl in Vegas) is lucky I can even be friends with her. She’s one of those skinny little size 2’s with big boobs, and I’m not talking foam floatation devices like mine. Damn her.
But the grand prize goes to my buddy and neighbor Hurricane Mikey. Talk about a lot to love! “Warm in winter, shade in summer…” isn’t that what they say? Oh, yeah!
Of course, all my blogging buddies are sexy—and so are all you readers. But most people aren't nearly as full of themselves as I am, so here’s the question: Are you comfortable naming five things about yourself that you think are sexy? Can you do it? C’mon--let’s hear.