I could never stand this holiday, whether I was in a relationship or not. In the same way that I believe people should be thankful every friggin’ day and not have to gorge themselves on turkey one Thursday a year to prove it, I expect to be treated like the goddess that I am every day, too, and not as a result of pressure from the Hallmark card company. Really, if a guy thinks he can endear himself to me with a box of friggin’ CANDY when I’m the kind of person who takes out my contact lenses before stepping on the scales… well, that’s just crazy.So, as sort of a declaration against Valentine’s Day, I’m doing two things. One, I’m having another preview show of D Words: The Funny Side of Dating, Divorce and Other Delights on Saturday, February 13, to benefit Divorced and Widowed Adjustment, Inc. It’s a non-profit organization that holds weekly meetings for divorced and separated folks twice a week; they also have a bereavement group that gathers weekly.
From my book’s back cover:
A week after I arrived in Sin City, I attended a divorce support group I found in the local newspaper listed between Cross-Dressers of Las Vegas and Friends and Family of Incarcerated People. (And I thought I had problems.) As I sat among a circle of strangers waiting for my turn to share, I glanced at the Absolutely No Swearing sign hanging from the ceiling and thought, “This will be a challenge.”The group helped me out tremendously when I came to Las Vegas and I’m thrilled to be able to do something for them in return. Tickets to this benefit show are $10, with all proceeds going to the organization. You know the town on the Saturday night before Valentine’s Day will be teeming with happy couples, so this will be a safe place for singles to gather.
“I’m Linda,” I began, “I have no husband, no job, and you people are my only friends.” Everyone laughed at my pathetic truth.
My anti-Valentine’s Day gift to my blog readers is I’m giving away two copies of Bastard Husband: A Love Story. All you have to do is leave a comment on this post and on Saturday I’ll announce the winners and send your copy out in time for Valentine’s Day. You don’t have to live in the U.S to win—I’ll ship it anywhere in the world (so keep your fingers crossed, Carol in Perth, Australia!)
If you’ve already bought it (God bless you), you can win a copy to pass on to someone else. B.H. makes a great gift for a newly separated friend or, if you’re a guy, you can give it to your woman with a little note that says, “You think I’m bad???”
So leave a comment between now and 12:01 a.m. (PST) on Saturday, February 7. Good luck!
P.S. If you're having trouble leaving a comment, shoot me an email at linda@bastardhusband.com and I'll put you in the running.
18 comments:
Wow Linda I must admit that your style of comedy is indeed charming. I'm all for swearing for it is very soulful if utilized in the proper way. Usually divorced women just keep bitterness to themselves and eventually become obsessed with non-human creatures and succumbing to obscurity but you have shown forth brilliance with your rebel cry and possibly shining the brightest light I've seen in a while. So apart from kissing your ass I just really want to say that I mean those ass kissing comments :D. I salute thee
Ugg... I'm with you on the Valentine's Day thing, even though I actually have a Valentine this year... Well, sort of.....
How cool you're already doing a benefit show AND providing a safe haven for singles all at once :)
See you soon!
My mother threatened my father with bodily harm if he dared to spend a dime on the "Hallmark Holiday," as they both called it.
"It's like Mother's Day," she said. SOBER, I'll add. "Either honor me every damned day or don't bother. And YOU, Jim! Get the me the damned electric frying pan I need, put a bow on it and give it to me on the TWELFTH. Or the SIXTEENTH. Better yet, tonight." That was on February 1st. I remember because she was already grousing about the ads. She HATED the tradition of our having to get those stupid little valentines and put them on kids' desks. Didn't want Valentines from us.
"It's sick. The premise is for romance, which is odious enough. But now, what? KIDS are supposed to give US AND eachother things that cost money? What happens to the unpopular child? UGH. Two more weeks of this."
She did not swear. She might has well have. My dad gave her the frying pan the next day. "I don't mess with your mother right now. She asks for nothing. EVER. I can get her a frying pan NOW. I Kind of like her like this, don't you?"
I'm with you, toots. 100%.I'd have commented without a lure of free stuff. You know that, though.
Yeah, Valetine's Day has always been kind of pukey for me.
Yuck.
If you're in a relationship, it's just added pressure to buy the right card and gift. If you're not in a relationship, all it is is a reminder that you're not in a relationship.
Sigh.
Still wanna come out to Vegas again so I can 1) go to your show and 2) go to the pawn shop from Pawn Stars! :)
I have my copy and it's next in line to be read while I'm off for surgery.
I'd like to win a copy though and send it out to my BFF who could sure use it!
Swearing is kind of like seasoning a meal. In the right quantity it can really bring out the textures and flavors of the food. If too little is used, you don't even notice its there and if too much is used the flavors of the food get lost under all that over-seasoning.
The trouble that sometimes exists with swearing is that far too many people "over-season" their vocabulary with it.
My Valentine's Gift to your readers is that if I win a copy of the book, I will send it off to one of them who didn't win!!!!!!!!!!!
And if that reader is a single hot guy, even better. LOL
Oh hey by the way, blogged about you today....
I would love to win a copy of your fabulous book!
Definately have mixed feeelings about Valentines day. When I taught in Canada I thought it was so lovely that each child brought in a card and choccie for everyone in their class. Here in Australia, that doesn't happen.
Carol :)
Pick me, pick me! Your book was on my Christmas wish list, but on Christmas morning I discovered that my husband had given me everything on my list BUT the book. He claimed the title scared the crap out of him.
I already have your wonderful book!
Yep, I agree, Valentine's Day is NO FUN at ALL for singles and feels fake in a relationships.
Valentine's Day ties with New Years Eve in my book for most annoying holiday, or rather, The Holiday Most Likely To Make You Feel Like Crap. Been a bit AWOL lately, so didn't see your D Words photo 'till now, but I love it. Best Crotch Shot ever, girlfriend. You sure are flex-y.
I would love, love to win the book!! I would read it and then I know just who I will pass it on to..
I had to stop by and say, "Hi!"
I'm a native Las Vegan, and children are 5th generation Las Vegan.
Are you in any local writing groups? After the one I was in last fall fizzled out, I'm looking around.
Nice to meet you, neighbor! :)
Hi Linda!!
Tracy from Chicago again....we're like Jeannette...we don't "do" V-Day!! (Personally...it was my hubby's idea!! He'll do or say ANYthing to get out of buying me a present!! Bastard! LOL) But I guess after being married for 30 years...I'm ok with it!
I would LOVE to read your book!!
PICK ME PICK ME!!!
Valentine's day is a bit of a crock but my husband actually gets me flowers despite the fact the Valentine's day is the opportunity for secret admirers to admit their love for someone.
Anyway, one year I sent my husband to be a huge bunch of red, heart shaped helium balloons. We spent the evening sucking in the helium gas and squeaking rude words and silly songs. I could hardly speak the next day as I had a sore throat.
Send me the book - I will even pay for the postage to Down Under. My book club is in two weeks - I can introduce your book to it.
Oh Linda, THANKYOU for posting this. I swore to my children, that any guy who gives me a Valentine's gift from one of those cheesy jewelry stores (Kay/Jared's) it would be a dealbreaker. I'd rather eat chocolate. Seriously, they make me gag whenever the commercials run (non-stop before Valentine's/Christmas) on television (which obviously, I watch far too much of...). Thanks for the the contest; your book is perfect for Valentines!
I'm hoping that once my wife reads your book I won't seem so bad by comparison. I cook, I clean, I change diapers (my daughter's and possibly, if I outlive the strength of my bladder-- someday my own), and I acknowledge all the little things she does... (I know, I'm such an @$$hole!)
So please pick me. :-)
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